I’m in my happy place . . . PLEASE DON’T RUIN IT!

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

How come when socks come out of the dryer there only one of each

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain’t likely to hurt you.

If everything you say is a lie, are you telling the truth, or lying?

what makes you think I m not happy I m just a ray of freaking sunshine

If a tree falls in the woods… Do all the other trees laugh at it?

The next person to piss me off had better come prepared with a body bag!

If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

Nobody says ślong story shortť unless it’s already too late

If you see a pretty woman walking by herself it’s because she wants to.

What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?

What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?

If everything you say is a lie are you
telling the truth or lying