Once a Blonde was traveling on a train He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived This guy was a barber and he felt that for 20 rupees the Blonde deserved more service So when the Blonde fell asleep the barber quietly shaved off his beard When the station arrived the Blonde was woken up and he went home Reaching home he went to wash his face and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror What is the matter? Says his wife He replied The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else

Cousin Elly who happens to be blonde is the world s worst at getting instructions mixed up When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy electric coffee makers It had all the latest gadgets on it Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in set the timer go back to bed and upon rising the coffee is ready A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker Wonderful she replied However there s one thing I don t understand Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?

A blonde got a job at a local bar On her first day she was late to work Whe she arrives at work the bartender asks her as she walks in the door How come you re late? It was awful she explains I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car His leg was broken his skull was fractured and there was blood everywhere Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute What did you do? asks the bartender I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it Cop : Miss this is a 65 MPH highway why are you going so slowly? Blonde : Officer I saw a lot of signs saying 22 not 65 Cop : Oh miss that`s not the speed limit that`s the name of the highway you`re on Blonde : Oh Stupid me Thanks for letting me know I`ll be more careful from now on At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts Cop : Excuse me miss what`s wrong with your friends back there? They`re shaking something awful Blonde : Oh We just got off of highway 119

There was a married blonde who was very concerned about her stupidity to her husband so she decides to make it up to him by painting the house while he s at work When her husband came home the house was suspiciously green and smelled like paint so he went to her wife to see what s going on When he went in the bedroom she was still painting while she was wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket The husband said I like what you did to the house but why are you wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket? The blonde responds When I was reading the instructions on the can it said FOR BEST RESULTS USE TWO COATS

John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend Buffy I`ve got a problem says Buffy What`s the matter? asks John Well I`ve bought this jigsaw puzzle but it`s too hard None of the pieces fit together and I can`t find any edges What`s the picture of? asks John It`s of a big Rooster replies Buffy All right says John I`ll come over and have a look So he goes over to Buffy`s house and Buffy greets him saying Thanks for coming over Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen able John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says For Pete`s sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box

Bob a 70-year-old extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone s socks off with her youthful looks and charm She hangs onto Bob s arm and listens intently to his every word His buddies at the club are all aghast At the very first chance they corner him and ask Bob how did you get the trophy girlfriend? Bob replies Girlfriend? She s my wife They re amazed but continue to ask So how did you persuade her to marry you? I lied about my age Bob replies What did you tell her you were only 50? Bob smiles and says No I told her I was 90

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears She sobs Andrew doesn`t appreciate what I do for him Now now her mother comforted I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding No mother the young woman laments I bought a frozen chicken and he yelled at me about the price Well that is being miserly the mother agreed Those chickens are only a few dollars No mother it wasn`t the price of the chicken it was the airplane ticket Airplane ticket What did you need an airplane ticket for? Well mother when I went to fix it I looked at the directions on the back and it said `PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE ` so I flew to Alaska

A blonde brought her baby to a doctor After examining the doctor right away determined that the baby had an earache He wrote a prescription for eardrops In the directions he wrote Put two drops in right ear every four hours and he abbreviated right as an R with a circle around it Several days passed and the woman returned with her baby complaining that the baby still had an earache and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: Put two drops in R ear every four hours

A blonde brought her baby to a doctor After examining the doctor right away determined that the baby had an earache He wrote a prescription for eardrops In the directions he wrote Put two drops in right ear every four hours and he abbreviated right as an R with a circle around it Several days passed and the blonde returned with her baby complaining that the baby still had an earache and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil The doctor looked at the bottle of eardrops and sure enough the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: Put two drops in R ear every four hours

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar He leans over to the big woman next to him and says Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke? The big woman replies Well before you tell me that joke you should know something I m blond six feet tall 210 pounds and I m a professional triathlete and bodybuilder Also the blond woman sitting next to me is 6 2 weighs 220 pounds and she is an ex-professional wrestler And next to her is a blond who is 6 5 weighs 250 pounds and she s a current professional kickboxer Now do you still want to tell that blond joke? The guy thinks about it a second and says No not if I m gonna have to explain it three times

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke? The big woman replies: Well before you tell me that joke you should know something I`m blonde six feet tall 210 pounds and I`m a professional athlete and bodybuilder Also the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6 2 weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler And next to her is a blonde who is 6 5 weighs 245 pounds and she is a current professional kickboxer Now do you still want to tell me that blonde joke? The guy thinks about it a second and says: Nah not if I`m gonna have to explain it three times

Once upon a time there were two blondes who had gone rock climbing Suddenly one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom The other man frantically screamed Ross and was relieved to hear a faint reply Okay Ross shouted Robert I m gonna throw a rope down to you so wrap it round one of your legs and but before he could finish he heard Ross call But both my legs are broke Robert suggested his arms to which the reply was They re broken too So finally Ross held on with his mouth Robert struggled to pull up the rope and when he was nearly there Robert said You right there mate? Ross replied YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense As soon as she boarded the plane a Boeing-747 she started jumping in excitement running over seat to seat and starts shouting BOEING BOEING BOEING BO She sort of forgets where she is even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise Annoyed by the goings on the Pilot comes out and shouts BE SILENT There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment concentrated really hard and all of a sudden started shouting OEING OEING OEING OE

A brunette a redhead and a blonde were on their way to Heaven God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step so she could not enter heaven The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step so she could not enter heaven either Then it was the blonde s turn When she got to the 999th step she started laughing Why are you laughing? God asked I didn t tell a joke I know the blonde replied I just got the first joke