A blonde goes to a auto parts store and asks for a Seven Ten cap Everybody look at each other and ask What s a seven ten cap? She says You know it s right on the engine Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one What kind of a car is it? they ask She says that it s a Buick Okay Lady how big is it? She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter What does it do? She says I don t know but it s always been there One of the guy gives her a note pad and asks her if she can draw a picture of it So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710 The guys on the opposite side of the counter are looking at as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard One guy says I think you want an OIL cap

A farmer took the camper off his truck before going to town As he was going down the road five Blondes were standing beside the road hitchhiking The farmer picked them up one blonde got in the front and the other four blondes got in the back As they were going over the hill the brakes went out on the truck The farmer couldn t stop the truck and they went into the pond at the bottom The farmer and the blonde that were up front come up out of the water a minute later They kept waiting for others in the back to come up The farmer said I wonder where they are? The blonde said May be they drowned About five minutes later they come up gasping for breath The farmer asked What the Hell took you so long? The four blondes said We had a devil of a time getting that fucking tailgate open

A man decided to take his blonde wife deer hunting for the first time After he explained the basics to his blonde wife he told her the most important piece of information Whenever you shoot something make sure to claim it right away or the first person who gets to your kill can claim it as their own so be quick if we want to have deer meat in the refrigerator he said They departed to their deer boxes and waited for some deer Minutes later he heard his blonde wife s gun go off The husband decided to make sure she went to claim her kill instead of giving it away to someone When he got to his blonde wife she was arguing with another man who was waving his hands in the air The man said OK fine lady you can have your deer but do you mind if I get my saddle off before you take it away

A blonde tried to sell her old car She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250 000 miles on it One day she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon The brunette told her There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell but it`s not legal That doesn`t matter replied the blonde if I only can sell the car Okay said the brunette Here is the address of a friend of mine He owns a car repair shop Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50 000 miles Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore The following weekend the blonde made the trip to the mechanic About one month after that the brunette asked the blonde Did you sell your car? No replied the blonde why should I? It only has 50 000 miles on it

I urgently needed a few days off work but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave I thought that maybe if I acted CRAZY then he would tell me to take a few days off So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises My co-worker (who s a blonde) asked me what I was doing I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was CRAZY and give me a few days off A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked What are you doing? I told him I was a light bulb He said You are clearly stressed out Go home and recuperate for a couple of days I jumped down and walked out of the office When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me the Boss asked her And where do you think you re going? She said I m going home too I can t work in the dark

A blonde was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car The police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for her driving license The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman What does a driver s license look like? Irritated the blonde cop said You dummy it s got your picture on it The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom She held it up to her face and said Aha This must be my driver s license and handed it to the blonde policewoman The blonde cop looked in the mirror handed it back to the driver and said You re free to go And if I had known you were a police officer too we could have avoided all this hassle

A newlywed blonde phones her mother and sobs Steve doesn t appreciate the things I do for him Now now dear her mother replies in an attempt to comfort her I m sure it was all just a misunderstanding No mother the young bride wails I bought a frozen turkey loaf for Thansgiving and he screamed at me because of the price Well that is being a little cheap the mother agrees Those turkey rolls don t cost more than a few of dollars It wasn t the cost of the turkey roll he was upset about mother says the blonde it was the airplane ticket Airplane ticket? What are you talking about? asks the confused mother Why did you need an airplane ticket? Well mother the blonde explains when I went to prepare the turkey roll I checked the directions on the back It said Prepare from a frozen state so I flew to Alaska

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink After sitting there for a while he yells to the bartender Hey you wanna hear a blonde joke? The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet In a very deep husky voice the woman next to him says Before you tell that joke sir you should know five things: 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl 3 - I m a 6-foot tall 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate 4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler Now think about it seriously Mister Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second shakes his head and declares Nah not if I m gonna have to explain it five times

There was a blonde driving down a road in her brand new green Mustang She was driving behind a big semi she wanted to drive faster (because it was a new sports car and everything) so she started to get right on the semi`s tail This angered the semi driver he motioned for the blonde to pull over They both pulled over and the semi driver got out of his truck and drew a big cirle on the road with his chalk He told the blonde to stand in the middle of the circle until he told her to get out She did as she was told The semi guy started to beat up the brand new Mustang He beat it up until it was only a big heap of green metal He turns to the blonde and says So what do you have to say to that? She replies with laughter He screams at her What are you laughing at? Well she answers When you weren`t looking I stepped out of the circle

An exhausted looking blonde dragged herself in to the doctor s office Doctor there are dogs all over my neighborhood They bark all day and all night and I can t get a wink of sleep I have good news for you the doctor answered rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream A few of these and your trouble will be over Great the blonde answered I ll try anything Let s give it a shot A few weeks later the blonde returned looking worse than ever Doc your plan is no good I m more tired than before I don t understand how that could be said the doctor shaking his head Those are the strongest pills on the market That may be true answered the blonde wearily but I m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it s hard getting him to swallow the pill

A farmer took the camper off his truck before going to town As he was going down the road five Blondes were standing beside the road hitchhiking The farmer picked them up one blonde got in the front and the other four blondes got in the back As they were going over the hill the brakes went out on the truck The farmer couldn’t stop the truck and they went into the pond at the bottom The farmer and the blonde that were up front come up out of the water a minute later They kept waiting for others in the back to come up The farmer said “I wonder where they are?” The blonde said “May be they drowned ” About five minutes later they come up gasping for breath The farmer asked “What the Hell took you so long?” The four blondes said “We had a devil of a time getting that fucking tailgate open

Julie the blonde getting desparate for money went into the richer neighborhoods looking for odd jobs At the first house she called on the man said Yeah I have a job for you How about painting my porch Sure said Julie I`ll do it for fifty bucks OK that`s great you`ll find the paint and ladder in the garage When the man went back into the house his wife who had been listening to this concersation said Fifty bucks Doesn`t she know that the porch goes all the way around the house? Well she should know She was standing right on it About 15 minutes later Julie knocked at the door I`m all finished she told the surprised home owner The man was amazed You painted the whole porch ? Yeah said Julie I even had some paint left over so I gave it two coats As the man reached for his wallet to pay Julie said: Oh by the way that is not a Porch it`s a Ferrari

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy He didn t know why she was jumping for joy but thought what the heck and started jumping up and down with her She said Honey I have some really great news for you He said Great tell me what you re so happy about She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down when she told him that she was pregnant He kissed her and told her That s great I couldn t be happier Then she said Oh honey there s more He asked What do you mean more? She said Well we are not having just one baby we are going to have TWINS Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant he asked her how she knew She said Well that was the easy part I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive

A blonde was driving down an old country road when she spotted a blonde rowing a boat in a in a wheat field She pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field? The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds Because it is an ocean of wheat The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious She yells at the blonde in the field It s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself and shook her fist at the blonde in the field then yelled If I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass

The other day my neighbor who is blonde came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy I didn t know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought What the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her She said I have some really great news I said Great Tell me why you re so happy She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down told me that she was pregnant I knew she d been trying for a while so I told her That s great I couldn t be happier for you Then she said There s more I asked What do you mean there s more? She said Well we are not having just one baby We are going to have TWINS Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant I asked her how she knew She said Well that was the easy part I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack Both tests came out positive