Shayari Bazar

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart While her husband is off at work she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house The next day right after her husband leaves for work she gets down to the task at hand Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time He goes over and asks her if she is ok She replies yes He asks what she is doing She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said For best results put on two coats

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart While her husband is off at work she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house The next day right after her husband leaves for work she gets down to the task at hand Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time He goes over and asks her if she is OK She replies yes He asks what she is doing She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said FOR BEST RESULTS PUT ON TWO COATS

There was a Blonde a Brunette and a Redhead standing on the beach They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel After some dicussion they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke so off they set One day later the Redhead reached the French coast Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn t be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two After a cold night of waiting the Brunette finally came into sight What took you so long? inquired the Redhead There were some strong currents out there But I m here now Am I the last? replied the Brunette No Blondie is still out there somewhere They decided to wait Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde What took you so long? What do you expect? You guy s cheated replied the idignant blonde You used your hands

Police was investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 9th-story office Nancy his voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for him a month ago After my very first week on the job Nancy said I received a raise At the end of the second week he called me into his private office gave me a lovely black nightie five pairs of nylon stockings and said These are for a beautiful efficient secretary At the end of the third week he gave me a fabulous mink stole Then this afternoon he called me into his private office again presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet and asked me if I could consider making love to him and what it would cost I told him that I would and because he had been so nice to me he could have it for just 500 bucks although I was charging all the other guys in the office one thousand That s when he jumped out the window

A blonde travels to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack She meets a foreman of a logging organization who offers to give her a job Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day the foreman told her The blonde woman didn t see this as a problem so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best She came back drenched in sweat Geez lady how many trees did you cut down? asked the foreman 6 she replied What ? You have to do better than that Get up earlier tomorrow So she did Out she went with the chainsaw she came back that night exhausted How many this time? asked the foreman 12 she said The foreman says That does it I m coming out there with you tomorrow morning The next morning the foreman reaches the first tree and says This is how to cut down trees really quickly He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUUUMMM He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically so he asks her what s wrong And she replies What the hell is that noise?

Sally a blonde goes on her first camping trip Her husband who was a Scout Leader was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout Gabby was responsible for the food supplies Mike would be the cook this trip Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule Tim was to decide on their events and to fit them into Johnnie`s schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain But first they wanted to get something to eat So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and of course Mike said he would About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally I can`t make the supper I can`t light a fire with the matches you brought Sally replied I don`t understand Those matches should be perfectly fine I tested them all just before we left

A Brunette a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof The Firemen are on the street below holding a blanket for them to jump into The firemen yell to the Brunette Jump Jump It`s your only chance to survive The Brunette jumps and SWISH The firemen yank the blanket away the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato C`mon Jump You gotta jump say the firemen to theRedhead Oh no You`re gonna pull the blanket away says the Redhead No It`s Brunettes we can`t stand We`re OK with Redheads OK says the Redhead and she jumps SWISH The firemen yank the blanket away and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake Finally the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof Again the firemen yell Jump You have to jump No way You`re just gonna pull the blanket away yelled the Blonde No Really You have to jump We won`t pull the blanket away Look the Blonde says nothing you say is gonna convince me that you`re not gonna pull the blanket away So what I want you to do is put the blanket down and back away from it

A blonde was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks After serving about 12 he s notified that his uncle has died and left him over 100 000 The blonde was so happy when the warden gave him the news that he made a promise to put the money in a trust fund until he was released The warden asked him if there was anything he wanted to buy before tying up the money The blonde said he had read a lot about computers and wanted a PC The warden agreed and got him a computer - a brand new Compaq After a few weeks the warden visited him in his cell to see how he was doing To his amazement he saw the computer smashed on the floor The warden asked him what happened and the the blonde said it didn t work properly and that it would not even complete the simplest of tasks The warden asked him what he wanted the computer to do and the blonde said he just wanted one simple task but the computer couldn t perform it The blonde said I hit the Escape key and nothing happened I hit the key again and still nothing I am still here I think I m going to sue Compaq

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office The interviewer starts with the basics So Miss can you tell us your age please? The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying Ehhhh 22 The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice And can you tell us your height please? The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head She checks the measurement and announces Five foot two This isn`t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won`t have to count measure or lookup Just to confirm for our records your name please? The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds mouthing something silently to herself before replying Mandy The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage so he asks What were you doing when I asked you your name? Ohhhh that replies the blonde I was just running through that song Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together The first blonde Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde Buffie in great detail The robbery begins Judy drives up in front of the bank stops the car and says to Buffie I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash Do you understand the plan? Perfectly said Buffie Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car One minute passes Two minutes pass Seven minutes pass and Judy is really stressing out Finally the bank doors burst open And here comes Buffie She`s got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out The guard`s pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon As the gals are getting away Judy says You are such a blonde I thought you understood the plan Buffie said I did I did exactly what you said No you idiot said Judy I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE

A blonde was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down The man walked up to the car and asked Are you going to San Diego? Yes she answered Do you need a lift? Not for me I ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck My problem is I ve got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo They re a bit stressed already so I don t want to keep them on the road all day Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I ll give you 100 for your trouble I d be happy to said the woman So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts Off they went Five hours later the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps much to the amusement of a big crowd With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde What the heck are you doing here? he demanded I gave you 100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo Yes I know you did said the blonde But we had money left over so now we re going to Sea World

One afternoon this blonde drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax On his way to the lake a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop Blonde rolls down the window and says How can I help you? I am the red jerk of the highway You got something to eat? With a smile in his face blonde hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away Not even five minutes later he comes across another guy This guy is dressed fully in yellow standing on the side and waving for him to stop A bit irritated blonde stops cranks down the window and says What can I do for you? I am the yellow jerk of the highway You got something to drink? Hardly managing to smile this time he hands the guy a can of cola and stomps on the pedal and takes off again In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what To his frustration he sees another guy on the side of the road this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop Reluctantly blonde decides to stop one last time rolls down his window and yells Let me guess You`re the blue jerk of the highway Just what the hell do you want? Driver`s license and registration please

This blonde was bored with driving her old BMW She fancied something a bit more individual perhaps an MG convertible So she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind music blaring from the radio what could possibly go wrong? At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn t have a bloody clue what was wrong Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her That s a lovely car said the mechanic What seems to be the matter? Judi replied Well it just conked out I m afraid Let me have look He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again Thank goodness she said What was the matter? Simple really just crap in the carburetor he replied Looking shocked she asked Oh How many times a week do I have to do that?

A phone company put an ad in the paper in order to recruit workers The next day two groups of workers show up - a crew of five men and a crew of five blonde women The company cannot decide who to give the job to so they give the two groups a test The company boss says Each crew will receive a telephone pole that must be installed into the ground Whoever is able to hammer it in first will get the job Both groups agree that this is a fair test so off they go in the Company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back A few hours pass and finally at 5:00 the male crew returns Yes they shout We came back first so we get the job Good work men says the boss However we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they re delayed is not because of traffic or the truck breaking down Fine no problem say the men An hour passes two hours pass three hours Finally at 8:30 the Blonde crew arrives All the group is flushed and breathing hard as if they had just gone through harsh labor What happened to you? What took so long? asks the boss incredulously What do you mean what took so long ?? Do we get the job? YOU get the job? No way The men were back here HOURS ago Well of course they were say the blondes They only put the pole in halfway

Judi was bored with driving her BMW It laced individuality and besides that every other girl in the office had one She fancied something a bit more individual perhaps an MG convertible That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind music blaring from the radio what could possibly go wrong? At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn t have a bloody clue what was wrong Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her That s a lovely car said the mechanic What seems to be the matter? Judi replied Well it just conked out I m afraid Let me have look He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again Thank goodness she said What was the matter? Simple really just crap in the carburetor he replied Looking shocked she asked Oh How many times a week do I have to do that?