A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a football She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him Are you ok? she asks Yes he replies You can go and play with the other kids you know she says It s best I stay here he says Why s that sweetie? asks the blonde The boy looks at her incredulously and says Because I m the GOAL KEEPER

Late one Sunday afternoon a blonde from a small town was taking a long walk through a nearby meadow when she was surprised to see a parachutist trapped in the high branches of a tree Hellllllp he cried when he spotted her down below What are you doing up there? she called back I was skydiving he answered and my parachute didn t open The blonde rolled her eyes Well of course it didn t If you d just asked one of the locals anybody could ve told you that *nothing* around here opens on a Sunday

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the blonde secretary on the ground floor for an important file Since it was rather urgent the boss told the secretary it was an emergency and that she should hurry with the file After more than 30 minutes the blonde clerk appears all tired and panting for breath The Boss asks him why she was panting and what caused the huge delay The blonde secretary replies Sir when I went to the lift it said during an emergency please use the staircase

How come you re late? asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door It was awful she explains I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car His leg was broken his skull was fractured and there was blood everywhere Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute What did you do? asks the bartender I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher Pull the pin like a hand grenade he explained then depress the trigger to release the foam Later a blonde employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot In her nervousness she forgot to pull the pin The instructor hinted Like a hand grenade remember? In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a `blonde lady` driver Mam is there a reason that you`re weaving all over the road ? The woman replied Oh officer thank goodness you`re here I almost had an accident I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror the officer replied Ma`am that`s your air freshene

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it She thought a quarterback was a refund She tripped on the cordless phone She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept At the bottom of the application where it says sign here she put Sagittarius If she spoke her mind she`d be speechless When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home she moved Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night

A blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room She began undressing nervously preparing herself for the upcoming examination Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in Coming to an abrupt halt the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation Miss Jones he said finally it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination

A blonde keeps having the same weird dream so she goes to her doctor Doctor What is your dream about? Blonde I am being chased by a vampire Doctor So where are you in this dream? Blonde I am running in a hallway Doctor Then what happens? Blonde Well that s the weird thing In every single dream the same thing happens I always come to a door but I can t open it I keep pushing the door and pushing the door but it won t budge Doctor Does the door have any letters on it? Blonde Yes Doctor And what do these letter spell? Blonde P U L L

Morris a young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife Sherry something nice for their first wedding anniversary So he decides to buy her a cell phone She is all excited she loves her phone He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone The next day Sherry the blonde goes shopping Her phone rings and it`s her husband Morris Hi honey He says How do you like your new phone? I just love it it`s so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there s one thing I don`t understand How did you know I was at the beauty parlor ?

There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools One day she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed In a panic she called 911 They answered and said This is Joe is there an emergency? The blonde replied Yes my shed is on fire Joe said Don t panic help in on the way where do you live? The blonde said IN A HOUSE NOW HURRY Joe calmly responded back How are we supposed to get there? The blonde answered back DUH A BIG RED TRUCK

There was a blonde woman at a soda machine She put a dollar in the slot and pushed the Pepsi button The Pepsi came out so she took it and put the change in her purse She took another dollar out put it in the machine and pressed the Mountain Dew button The Mountain Dew came out and she took the change and put it in her purse Meanwhile a big line was forming behind her but she kept taking her money out putting it in the machine and pressing buttons Someone in the line finally said Come on lady What s taking you so long? She answered Duh I m still winning

Did you hear what happened? Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work Hear what I asked my curiosity peaked The regional vice president died this morning What? I asked totally stunned What happened? He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack Jim began explaining Everyone was gone except his secretary You know the one That young blonde babe? Yeah that s the one Turns out she isn t too smart though What do you mean? I asked He kept yelling at her to call 9 1 1 She just stood there waiting for him to give her the rest of the phone numbe

Once a Blonde was traveling on a train He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived This guy was a barber and he felt that for 20 rupees the Blonde deserved more service So when the Blonde fell asleep the barber quietly shaved off his beard When the station arrived the Blonde was woken up and he went home Reaching home he went to wash his face and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror What`s the matter? Says his wife He replied The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else

A blonde went to an electronic shop in anger and threw her new laptop on the desk at a person from whom she bought She told the salesman You have cheated me I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop Salesman: Madam can you please try in front of me This is what she did: 1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which she wanted to transfer and selected CUT option 2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC 3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where she wanted to copy that file 4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option Salesman fainted