The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace How many of you he asked would say you re opposed to war? Not surprisingly all hands went up The teacher asked who ll give us the reason for being opposed to war? A large bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand Johnny? The teacher said I hate war Johnny said because wars make history and I hate history
The telephone rings in the principal s office at a school Hello this is Dunn Elementary answers the principal Hi Jimmy won t be able to come to school all next week replies the voice Well what seems to be the problem with him? We are all going on a family vacation says the voice I hope it is all right I guess that would be fine says the principal May I ask who is calling? Sure This is my fathe
After a family meal one night three generations of the family are sitting around chatting Jenny a four year old is sitting on her grandfather s knee Jenny: Grandpa can you make a noise like a frog? Grandfather: What? Jenny: Can you make a noise like a frog? Grandfather: Why do you want me to make a noise like a frog? Jenny: Well last night Daddy said that when you croak we can all go to Disneyland
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood Trying to make the matter clearer he said Now boys if I stood on my head the blood as you know would run into it and I should turn red in the face Yes sir the boys said Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn t run into my feet? A little fellow at the back shouted Cause yer feet ain t empty
A guy s walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette He says Kid you re too young to smoke Johnny looks up and doesn t say anything The guy says How old are you? Johnny says Ten The guy says Ten? When did you start smoking? Johnny says Right after the first time I got laid The guy says Right after the first time you got laid? When was that? Johnny says I don t remember I was drunk
My two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance I look like Mom said my nine-year-old but I have Dad s eyes and Dad s lips The six-year-old said And I look just like Dad but I have light hair Then she turned to me Mom she asked what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway? The older sister jumped right in Don t be stupid Christina Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital
Little Johnny s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person Yes said the policeman The detectives want very badly to capture him Little Johnny asked Why didn t you keep him when you took his picture?
A little boy opened the big family bible He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages Suddenly something fell out of the Bible He picked up the object and looked at it What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages Mama look what I found the boy called out What have you got there dear? With astonishment in the young boy s voice he answered I think it s Adam s underwea
A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop He finds one and then begs Please officer come back to the bar with me my father s in a fight Well they get back to the bar and there s three guys fighting like you wouldn t believe After a while the cop turns to the kid and says Okay which one s your father The kid looks up at the cop and says I don t know officer that s what they re fighting about
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother Mum what s sex? His mother who believed in all the most modern educational theories gave him a detailed explanation covering all aspects of the tricky subject When she had finished the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said Yes but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?
A school inspector asked the class If length of the platform is 200 metres and speed of the train is 100 kilometres what should be my age? Noting the absurdity of the question a clever student answered Fifty years sir The answer was absolutely correct The inspector was astounded He asked the boy his method of calculation Simple sir the boy replied I have an elder brother aged 25 years and everybody calls him half mad
A boy who was a witness to a crime was on the witness stand in court He was approached by the defense attorney who asked Did anyone tell you what to say in court? Yes Sir answered the boy I thought so said the attorney Who was it? My father sir And what did he tell you? the attorney asked accusingly He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up but if I stuck to the truth everything would be all right
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog The children fell to discussing the dog s duties They use him to keep crowds back said one youngster No said another he s just for good luck A third child brought the argument to a close They use the dogs she said firmly to find the fire hydrant
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing She would occasionally walk around to see each child s work As she got to one little girl who was working diligently she asked what the drawing was The girl replied I m drawing God The teacher paused and said But no one knows what God looks like Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing the girl replied They will in a minute
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination looking at the old pages as he turned them Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages Momma look what I found the boy called out What have you got there dear? his mother asked With astonishment in the young boy s voice he answered It s Adam s suit
