Little Johnny was doing very badly in math His parents had tried everything-tutors flash cards special learning centers in short everything that they could think of Finally in a last-ditch effort they took Johnny down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School After the first day little Johnny came home with a very serious look on his face He didn t kiss his mother hello Instead he went straight to his room and started studying Books and paper were spread out all over the room and Little Johnny was hard at work His mother was amazed She called him down to dinner and to her shock and amazement the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before This went on for some time day after day while the Mother tried to understand what had made all the difference Finally little Johnny brought home his report card He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books  With great trepidation his mom looked at it and to her surprise little Johnny had gotten an A in Math She could no longer contain her curiosity She went to his room and said Son what was it? Was it the nuns? Little Johnny looked at her and shook his head Well then She persisted was it the books the discipline the structure the uniforms WHAT was it?? Little Johnny looked at her and said Well on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they weren t fooling around

Tommy`s house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school girlfriends and other stuff he can think of After a while grandpa notices that Tommy is loosing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested A ten and a twenty dollar bill He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten dollar bill Grandpa is pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake Again he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it Tommy grabs the other ten Grandpa again is surprised and upset He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty Grandpa goes on and on showing everyuncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the twenty Grandpa finally shows the stunt to daddy Daddy s quite surprise but doesn`t pay too much attention at the moment A few hours later daddy who is very concerned about Tommy`s poor decision walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar bill and a twenty Of course answers Tommy So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty? asks dad Tommy with a wide smile answers Well dad if I would have chosen the first twenty dollar bill do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen more times?

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students The teacher asked Johnny what is your problem? Johnny answered I`m too smart for the first grade My sister is in the third grade and I`m smarter than she is I think I should be in the third grade too The teacher had had enough She took Johnny to the principal`s office While Johnny waited in the outer office the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave The teacher agreed Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test Principal: What is 3 x 3? Johnny: 9 Principal: What is 6 x 6? Johnny: 36 And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know The principal looks at the teacher and tells her I think Johnny can go to the third grade The teacher says to the principal Let me ask him some questions? The principal and Johnny both agree The teacher asks What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Johnny after a moment Legs Teacher: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have? The principal`s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer Johnny replied Pockets Teacher: What word starts with an `F` and ends in `K` that means a lot of excitement? Johnny: Firetruck The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher Put Johnny in the fifth grade I missed the last three questions myself

A father passing by his son s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow It was addressed Dad With the worst premonition he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands Dear Dad It is with great regret and sorrow that I m writing you I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you I ve been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings tattoos her tight Motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am But it s not only the passion Dad She s pregnant Stacy said that we will be very happy She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter We share a dream of having many more children Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana cocaine doesn t really hurt anyone We ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want In the meantime we ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better She sure deserves it Don t worry Dad I m 15 and I know how to take care of myself Someday I m sure we ll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren Love your son Johnny P S Dad none of the above is true I m over at my friend Tommy s house I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that s on my desk I love you Call when it is safe for me to come home

Take one class of elementary school students mix it thoroughly with several pounds of scientific facts then shake it up with a examination and you have the perfect formula for instant youngsterisms about science The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essasys exams and classroom discussion; most were from fifth- and sixth-graders They illustrate Mark Twain s contention that the most interesting information comes from children for they tell all they know and then stop Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit If you don t hear it you got hit so never mind When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy When planets do it we say they are orbiting While the Earth seems to be knowingly keep its distance from the sun it is really only centrificating South America has cold summers and hot winters but somehow they still manage Most books now say our sun is a star But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go There are 26 vitamins in all but some of the letters are yet to be discovered Find them all means living forever Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don t why you should Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water Rain is saved up in cloud banks