One day Johnny was sitting in class and had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand to ask the teachers permission The teacher told Johnny if he could say the alphabet he could go to the bathroom Johnny stumbled through it and got it all wrong and had to hold it So Johnny studied and studied and felt as though he knew the alphabet perfectly The next day when Johnny had to use the bathroom he rose his hand to ask the teacher could he go The teacher said if you can say the alphabet I`ll let you go So Johnny started to say the alphabet ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ The teacher then asked Johnny well where`s the P and Johnny responded it`s running down my leg

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly Good morning son Good morning pastor replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque Sir what is this? Johnny asked Well son these are all the people who have died in the service replied the pastor Soberly they stood together staring up at the large plaque Little Johnny`s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly Which one sir the 8:30 or the 10:30?

One day on a train there were two small boys and a middle aged lady She sat reading her book but couldn`t help overhearing the two small boys having a deep heated discussion on the subject of spelling It would be spelt `W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B` the first boy argued No its not It`s spelt `W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B` retorted the other The lady leaned over unable to keep to herself and said Excuse me boys but I think you`ll find the word is spelled `W-O-M-B` The first little boy looked at the other and then back at the lady and replied You know lady I bet you`ve never even seen a hippopotamus let alone ever heard one fart underwate

Due to a power outage only one paramedic responded to the call The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby Very diligently Kathleen did as she was asked Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while Connor was born The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom Connor began to cry The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed Kathleen quickly responded He shouldn t have crawled in there in the first place smack his ass again

So one day Gramma sent her grandson Little Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner As he was dipping the bucket in he saw two big eyes looking back at him He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma s kitchen Well now where s my bucket and where s my water? Gramma asked him I can t get any water from that water hole Gramma exclaimed Johnny There s a BIG ol alligator down there Now don t you mind that ol alligator Johnny He s been there for a few years now and he s never hurt no one Why he s probably as scared of you as you are of him Well Gramma replied Johnny if he s as scared of me as I am of him then that water ain t fit to drink

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students Human beings are the only animals that stutter she says A little girl raises her hand I had a kitty-cat who stuttered The teacher knowing how precious some of these stories could become asked the girl to describe the incident Well she began I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it he jumped over the fence into our yard That must ve been scary said the teacher It sure was said the little girl My kitty raised her back went Ffffff Ffffff FfffffF but before she could say F * ck-off the Rottweiler ate her The teacher had to leave the room

There was a farmer who grew watermelons He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons After some careful thought he came upwith a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure He made up a sign and posted it in the field The next day the kids show up and they saw the sign which read: Warning One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide The kids run off made up their ownsign and posted it next to the farmer`s sign When the farmer returned he surveyed the field He noticed that no watermelons are missing but the sign next to his read: Now there are two

Little Johnny s dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country One day his Uncle Andy came to visit Since there were limited accommodations he was required to sleep with his young nephew Little Johnny When Uncle Andy came into the bedroom he saw the Little Johnny Kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed Thinking this was the child s religious upbringing he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed Little Johnny looked up and said What are you doing? Why the same thing you re doing replied Uncle Andy Mom is going to be mad said Little Johnny Why will she be mad? asked Uncle Andy Because the bed pan s on this side

In a Nursery School Canteen there was a basket of Apples with a notice written over it: Do not take more than one God is watching On the other counter there was a box of chocolates A small child went wrote on it: Take as many as u want God is busy watching the Apples Moral: NEVER ACT SMART WITH today s generation KID: Why some of your hairs are white Dad? DAD: Every time you make me unhappy one of my hairs turns white KID: Now I understand why Grandpa s all hairs are white Moral: Don t be over smart with today s kids Child: Mummy why Gandhiji had no hair on his head? Mummy: Because he spoke truth only Child: Now I understood why ladies have long hairs The moral remains the same

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church It was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time so the pastor walked up stood beside the boy and said quietly Good morning Alex Good morning pastor replied the young man still focused on the plaque Pastor McGhee what is this? Alex asked Well son it s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service Soberly they stood together staring at the large plaque Little Alex s voice was barely audible when he asked Which service the morning or the evening?

Teacher enters the classroom and asks the grade two students to learn some farm yard animal noises so they could perform them at the school assembly The day comes quickly and it was Grade Two s turn to impress the rest of the school The teacher introduces them Mary can you do a farmyard noise? Proud as punch Mary says Yes miss mooooooo Michael can you do a farmyard noise? Grinning ear to ear he replies Yes miss oink oink oink Sally can you do a farmyard noise? Jumping on the spot she says Yes miss cluck cluck Johnny can you do a farmyard noise? Johnny was quiet for a while then says Yep Well can you show us? Prods the teacher Ok then Johnny get of the ****ing tractor you little ****

The little girl was so proud of her birthday presents her first watch and her first perfume She really made a pest of herself throughout the morning going up to all the relatives and sticking that watch in their ear and insisting that they smell her perfume The preacher was coming for lunch but before his arrival the girl s mother had said If you mention that watch or that perfume just once more I m going to send you to your room for the rest of the day The meal went rather well and the little girl held her tongue until just when the desert was being served She wanted to make sure that the preacher too knew about her new watch and her perfume: If you hear anything or smell anything it s me

A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher s pet He stood and said My name is Dan and when I become amen I would like to go to Japan if I can and I think I can The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room She stood up and answered the roll call by stating My name is Suzy and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can and I think I can The next on the list was Little Johnny sitting in the back of the room He stood up and said My name is Johnny and I don t give a damn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think I can

A little boy was doing his math homework He said to himself Two plus six that son of a bitch is eight Three plus four that son of a bitch is seven His mother heard what he was saying and gasped What are you doing? The little boy answered I m doing my math homework Mom And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? the mother asked Yes he answered Infuriated the mother asked the teacher the next day What are you teaching my son in math? The teacher replied Right now we are learning addition The mother asked And are you teaching them to say two plus two that son of a bitch is four? After the teacher stopped laughing she answered What I taught them was two plus two THE SUM OF WHICH is fou

Johnnie wanted 100 to buy a remote control car so he prayed like crazy for two weeks but nothing happened Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter requesting 100 When the post office received the letter addressed to God USA they forwarded the letter to the president The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a 5 bill figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy When Johnnie received the cash he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money However I noticed that you sent it through Washington D C Next time don`t do that because as usual those jerks took 95% Love Johnnie