The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up A chorus of responses came from all over the room A football player A doctor An astronaut The president A fireman A teacher A race car driver Everyone that is except Little Johnny The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still So she said to him Johnny what do you want to be when you grow up? Possible Little Johnny replied Possible? asked the teacher Yes Little Johnny said My mom is always telling me I m impossible So when I get to be big I want to be possible

My husband and I had just finished tucking our young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy s room Rushing to his side we found him crying hysterically He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die No amount of talking could change his mind Desperate to calm him my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy s ear Billy was delighted In a flash he snatched it from my husband s hand swallowed it and demanded cheerfully Do it again dad

Somewhat skeptical of his son s newfound determination to become the next Charles Atlas the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department Please Dad whined the boy I promise I ll use them every day I don t know Michael It s really a big commitment on your part the father pointed out Please Dad? They re not cheap either I ll use them Dad I promise You ll see Finally won over the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door From the corner of the store he heard his son yell What You mean I have to carry them to the car?

Somewhat skeptical of his son s newfound determination to become the next Charles Atlas the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department Please Dad whined the boy I promise I ll use them every day I don t know Michael It s really a big commitment on your part the father pointed out Please Dad? They re not cheap either I ll use them Dad I promise You ll see Finally won over the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door From the corner of the store he heard his son yell What You mean I have to carry them to the car?

In a high school civics class they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States The requirements are pretty simple The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen In her opinion that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office She went on and on wrapping up her argument with What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?

One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus driver He starts saying things like If my Mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster I would be a little rooster the bus driver said shut up Still the boy went on If my Mom was a female elephant and my dad was a male elephant I would be a little male elephant the bus driver said shut up Still the boy went on If my Mom was a female dog and my dad was a male dog I would be a little male dog The bus driver got so mad and asked If your Mom was a prostitute and your dad was a homo what would you be? The boy answered A bus drive

A little girl asked her mother How did the human race appear? The mother answered God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made Two days later the girl asked her father the same question The father answered Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved The confused girl returned to her mother and said Mom how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they developed from monkeys? The mother answered Well dear it is very simple I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise Hey Willis the farmer yelled Forget your troubles Come in with us Then I`ll help you get the wagon up That`s mighty nice of you Willis answered but I don`t think Pa would like me to Awe come on the farmer insisted Well okay the boy finally agreed and added But Pa won`t like it After a hearty dinner Willis thanked his host I feel a lot better now but I know Pa is going to be real upset Don`t be foolish the neighbour said with a smile By the way where is he? Under the wagon

A little girl asked her mother How did the human race appear? The mother answered God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made Two days later the girl asked her father the same question The father answered Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved The confused girl returned to her mother and said Mom how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they developed from monkeys? The mother answered Well dear it s very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his

Mommy my turtle is dead the little boy Johnny sorrowfully told his mother holding the turtle out to her in his hand The mother kissed him on the head then said That s all right We ll wrap him in tissue paper put him in a little box then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard After that we ll go out for an ice cream soda and then get you a new pet Ice cream? the little boy said wiping his tears and smiling Oh Boy His mother said I don t want you Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move Johnny you re turtle is not dead after all Oh the disappointed boy said Can I kill it?

Christmas was coming near and it was time for Little Johnny to finish his holiday shopping He went into a toy shop took a toy plane gave the shopkeeper fake money and started to leave The shopkeeper spoke up Excuse me little boy this isn t real money Little Johnny didn t reply and continued walking The shopkeeper repeated himself but Johnny kept walking The third time the shopkeeper called him Johnny replied What? The shopkeeper said I m sorry young man but this is not real money Johnny looked at the plane in his hands looked at the shopkeeper and finally said And this isn t a real plane

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth He asked his parents How was I born? Well honey said the slightly prudish parent the stork brought you to us OH said the boy Well how did you and daddy get born? he asked Oh the stork brought us too Well how were grandpa and grandma born? he persisted Well darling the stork brought them too said the parent Several days later the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations

If I sold my house and my car had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church would that get me into Heaven? I asked the children in my Sunday School class NO the children all answered If I cleaned the church every day mowed the yard and kept everything neat and tidy would that get me into Heaven? Again the answer was NO Well then if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife would that get me into Heaven? I asked them again Again they all answered NO Well I continued then how can I get into Heaven? A five-year-old boy shouted out YOU GOTTA BE DEAD

A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story From time to time she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch his wrinkled cheek She touched her own cheek after she touched his After a little while of thinking she asked Grandpa did God make you? He looked at her and said Yes sweetheart God made me a long time ago She paused for a few seconds and then asked Grandpa did God make me too? He replied Yes indeed pumpkin God made you just a little while ago Feeling their respective faces again she whispered to him God s getting better at it isn t he?

Agatha s 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP After that she tried to figure out her own words From the back seat of the car she d ask Mom what does fgrpl spell? Nothing Agatha said Sitting at breakfast she d suddenly ask Mom what does doeb spell? Nothing Agatha answered This went on for several weeks Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked Mom what does lmdz spell? Agatha smiled at her and said Nothing sweetheart The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon sighed and said Boy there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing