Kathryn s 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP After that she tried to figure out her own words From the back seat of the car she d ask Mom what does FGRPL spell? Nothing Kathryn said Sitting at breakfast she d suddenly ask Mom what does DOEB spell? Nothing Kathryn answered This went on for several weeks Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked Mom what does LMDZ spell? Kathryn smiled at her and said Nothing sweetheart The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon sighed and said Boy there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing

The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for Show Tell and the next day every kid had something The teacher asks Anna: What did you bring? I brought a Walkman And what is it for? You can listen to music with it That s nice What did you bring Maria? I brought a can opener it opens cans Well done Umm Johnny I see you didn t bring anything Yes I did It s in the hall So the entire class goes into the hallway Umm Johnny what is that? It s a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going Whoa What did your father say about you bringing this? He said AAAARRRGGGH

If I sold my house my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church would that get me into Heaven? Robert asked the children in a school class NO the children all answered If I cleaned the church every day mowed the yard and kept everything neat and tidy would that get me into Heaven? Again the answer was NO Well then if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife would that get me into Heaven? Robert asked them again Again they all answered NO Well Robert continued then how can I get into Heaven? A five-year-old boy shouted out YOU GOTTA BE DEAD

As Joe was trying to pack for vacation his 3-year-old daughter was having a great time playing on the bed At one point she said Daddy look at this and stuck out two of her fingers Trying to keep her entertained he reached out and stuck her fingers in his mouth and said Daddy s gonna eat your fingers pretending to eat them before he rushed out of the room again When Joe returned his daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears streaming down her face Joe said What s wrong honey? Dejected sad and broken she looked up at him and said Daddy where s my booger?

A little four year old boy is sitting on the toilet His mother thinks he has been in there too long so she goes in to see what s up The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a comic book But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand His mother says Billy are you all right? You ve been in here for a while Billy says I m fine mummy I just haven t done it yet Mother says OK you can stay here a few more minutes But Billy why are you hitting yourself on the head? Billy says It works on the ketchup bottle

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is Her reply is Gentlemen don t ask ladies that question Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs Again the mother s reply is Gentlemen don t ask ladies that question The boy then asks Why did daddy leave you? To this the mother says You shouldn t ask that and then sends him to his room On the way to his room the boy trips over his mother s purse When he picks it up her driver s license falls out Little Johnny looks it over and goes back to his mother saying I know all about you now You are 36 years old weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an F in sex

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother How was I born? Well honey said the slightly prudish mother the stork brought you to us Oh said the boy and how did you and daddy get born? Oh the stork brought us too Well how were grandpa and grandma born? the boy persisted Well darling the stork brought them too said the mother by now starting to squirm a little Several days later the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations

Mrs Jones sent her daughter Silvia to buy some groceries at the market On the way she met some boys who asked her to climb up a tree and get them some fruit which she did She bought the groceries and got back home to her mother Mrs Jones: “Why did you take so long?” Silvia: “I met some boys who asked me to climb up a tree and fetch them some fruit ” Mrs Jones: “Silvia you should know that when boys ask you to climb up a tree all they want is to see your underwear You shouldn’t have done it ” Silvia: “Mother I know That’s why I took them off before climbing up the tree ”

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia He found an apartment in a small block and settled in After a week or two his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new life I m fine Angus said But there are some really strange people living in these apartments One woman cried all day long another lies on her floor moaning and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time Well my dear says his mother I suggest you don t associate with people like that Oh says Angus I don t Mam I don t No I just stay inside my apartment all day and night playing my bagpipes

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer This is the dumbest kid in the world Watch while I prove it to you The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other then calls the boy over and asks Which do you want son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves What did I tell you? said the barber That kid never learns Later when the customer leaves he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store Hey son May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? The boy licked his cone and replied Because the day I take the dollar the game s ove

It was this little girl s first day at a new school and the teacher asked her what her name was She replied Happy Butt The teacher said Honey I don t think that s your name You need to go to the principal s office and get this straightened out So she went to the principal s office and he asked What s your name? And the little girl said Happy Butt The principal called the girl s mother to get this straightened out once and for all After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said Honey your name is Gladys not Happy Butt Grinning from ear to ear the girl then exclaimed Glad Ass Happy Butt what s the difference?

The school teacher was taking the class in basic maths She said to little Johnny If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits how many have you got? Seven replied Johnny No Johnny explained the teacher That s not the right answer Listen If I give you two apples then I add another two apples and another two apples after that how many have you got? Six replied Johnny That s right said the teacher So let s try again If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits how many have you got? Seven replied Johnny Seven wailed the teacher How do you get seven? Because I ve already got one rabbit at home

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill He told the uncle to ask him an addition question So the uncle asked What is three plus four? The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said Seven The uncle said Listen kid you can t count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school a teacher will get mad at you for it Now put your hands in your pockets So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked What is five plus five? The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets then the boy said Eleven

The grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names First up was Dan A very adventurous child My name is Dan When I grow up to be a man I want to go to India and Japan If I can If I can If I can Very good she said to Dan She then told Sally that it now was her turn My name is Sally When I grow up to be a lady I want to have a baby If I can if I can if I can That is good Sally she said But maybe one day you will change your mind Next up was Sam he was the naughty one in the class My name is Sam When I grow up to be a man Never mind India and Japan I gonna help Sally with her plan I know I can

One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner As he was dipping the bucket in he saw two big eyes looking back at him He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma s kitchen Well now where s my bucket and where s my water? Gramma asked him I can t get any water from that water hole Gramma exclaimed Johnnie There s a BIG ol alligator down there Now don t you mind that ol alligator Johnnie He s been there for a few years now and he s never hurt no one Why he s probably as scared of you as you are of him Well Gramma replied Johnnie if he s as scared as I am then that water ain t fit to drink