A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them Joe he asked which company has the slogan come fly the friendly skies ? Joe answered the correct airline Brenda can you tell me which company has the slogan Don t leave home without it? Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty Now John Tell me which company bears the slogan Just do it ? And John answered Mom

Teacher: What will you do after growing up? Student: Facebooking T: NO I mean what will you BECOME? S: Admin of facebook pages T: OMG I MEAN what will you ACHIEVE after you grow up? S: Facebook Admin Rights T: IDIOT I MEAN what will you do for your PARENTS? S: I create a page for them on facebooK I MOM DAD T: Stupid What do your parents want from YOU? S: My facebook password T: Oh God What IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE? S: Facebook but never face your books

Nursery school teacher says to her class Who can use the word Definitely in a sentence? First a little girl says The sky is definitely blue Teacher says Sorry Amy but the sky can be gray or orange Second little boy Trees are definitely green Sorry but in the autumn the trees are brown Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: Does a fart have lumps? The teacher looks horrified and says Johnny Of course not “OK then I DEFINITELY shit my pants

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas At bedtime the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn t deaf To which the little brother replied I know but Grandma is

Nursery school teacher says to her class Who can use the word Definitely in a sentence? First little girl says The sky is definitely blue Teacher says Sorry Amy but the sky can be grey or orange Second little boy Trees are definitely green Sorry but in the autumn the trees are brown Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks Does a fart have lumps? The teacher looks horrified and says Johnny Of course not OK then I have DEFINITELY shit in my pants

A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch every night to eat their fill After some thought he made a sign that said Warning One of these watermelons has been injected with Poison He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons A week later the farmer was surveying his field To his satisfaction no watermelons were missing but a sign next to his read: NOW THERE ARE TWO

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school Her marks were good mostly A s and a couple of B s However her teacher had written across the bottom: Sally is a smart little girl but she has one fault She talks too much in school I have an idea I am going to try which I think may break her of the habit Sally s dad signed her report card putting a note on the back: Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mothe

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father He watched as the father moved from horse to horse running his hands up and down the horses legs rump and chest After a few minutes Little Johnny asked Pop why are you doing that? His father replied Because I m thinking of buying these horses Little Johnny looked worried and said Then I think we d better hurry home right away Why? his father asked Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday and I think he wants to buy Mom

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher She says Hello Class I`m Mrs Prussy When you say my name class remember it has an r after the first letter A few days later the regular teacher is still sick When Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks him what her name is Johnny thinks hard and then says I remember it has an r after the first letter That`s right she coaxed Then after a few second Little Johnny says Mrs Crunt?

The teacher had just finished reading a story to the Fifth-grade class She decided to check the student s knowledge of some of the vocabulary that had been used Who knows what the word adolescent means? she asked Out of the entire class of 30 not one child raised a hand After a few more silent moments she decided to give them a hint: Adolescent - it s something all of you are and I am not Finally Little Johnny tentatively raised his hand and in a very soft voice said Virgins?

While out one morning in the park a jogger found a brand new tennis ball and seeing none around it might belong to he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts Later on his way home he stopped at the pedestrian crossing waiting for the lights to change A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts What s that? she asked her eyes gleaming with lust Tennis ball came the breathless reply Ouch said the girl sympathetically that must be painful I had tennis elbow once

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked Did God made you Grandpa? Yes God made me the grandfather answered A few minutes later the little girl asked him Did God make me too? Yes He did the grandpa answered For a few minutes the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa as well as her own reflection in a small mirror Her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind At last she spoke up You know Grandpa she said God s doing a lot better job lately

During a dinner party the hosts two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening After going all the way around the room the children left and there was a moment of silence at the table during which one child was heard to say You see it is vanishing cream

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked Did God made you Grandpa? Yes God made me the grandfather answered A few minutes later the little girl asked him Did God make me too? Yes He did the older man answered For a few minutes the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa as well as her own reflection in the mirror while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind At last she spoke up You know Grandpa she said God s doing a lot better job lately

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked Did God make you Grandpa? Yes God made me the grandfather answered A few minutes later the little girl asked him Did God make me too? Yes He did the older man answered For a few minutes the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa as well as her own reflection in the mirror while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind At last she spoke up You know Grandpa she said God is doing a lot better job lately