Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg As he was a great fan of his movies he rushes over to him and asks for his autograph Instead Spielberg gives him a slap and says You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor get out of here The astonished Chinese man replied It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor it was the Japanese Chinese Japanese Taiwanese you re all the same replied Spielberg In return the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says You sank the Titanic my forefathers were on that ship Shocked Spielberg replies It was the iceberg that sank the ship not me The Chinese replies Iceberg Spielberg Carlsberg you re all the same

A little boy who wanted 100 very badly prayed and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened Then he decided to write a letter to God requesting the 100 When the postal authorities received the letter to God USA they decided to send it to President Clinton The president was so impressed touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a 5 bill Mr Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy The little boy was delighted with the 5 and immediately sat down to write a thank you note to God which read Dear God Thank you for sending me the money However I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D C and as usual they deducted 95

An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane At the French customs desk the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag You have been to France before monsieur? the customs officer asked sarcastically The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously Then you should know enough to have your passport ready The American said The last time I was here I didn t have to show it Impossible Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look Then he quietly explained Well when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country I couldn t find any Frenchmen to show it to

An American Jew enters into a bar and sees a Chinese guy having a beer He walks over and gives the Chinese guy a huge back hander which lays the poor guy out on the floor What was that for? says the Chinaman That says the Jew Was for bombing Pearl Harbour you bastards The poor Chinese guy is lost He says Hey wait I`m Chinese not Japanese it was the Japanese that bombed Pearl Harbour The Jew says Chinese Japanese you`re all the same to me So the Chinaman gives the American Jew a huge back hander that lays him out on the floor The Jew is shocked What was that for? That was for sinking the Titanic The Titanic says the Jew The Titanic was sunk by a iceberg And the Chinese says Iceberg Goldberg Spielberg you`re all the same to me

Five Irishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border The gorgeous blonde Italian customs agent stops and tells them It s illegal to put five people in a Quattro What do you mean it s illegal? asks the driver Quattro means four replied the blonde Quattro is just the name of the car the Irishman retorted in disbelief Look at the papers this car is designed to carry five persons You can t pull that one on me replies the Italian customs agent Quattro means four You have five people in your car and are therefore breaking the law The driver replies angrily Brainless idiot Call your supervisor over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence Sorry she said sweetly he can t come right now He s busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno

Raabri was worried whether or not Laloo upon his death made it to heaven so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance Sure enough after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits Laloo`s voice was heard answering Hello Raabri this is meeee Lalooji she answered I just have to know if you`re happy there in the afterlife What`s it like there? Ooooooh it`s much more beautiful here than I ever imagined Laloo answered The sky is bluer the air is cleaner and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected and above all there is no scam And the only thing we do all day long are eat and sleep eat and sleep over and over Thank God you made it to heaven his Raabri cried Heaven? he answered What heaven? I`m a buffalo in Punja

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall Every day when she looks out she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously So the journalist goes down to the wall and introduces herself to the old man She asks: You come everyday to the wall How long have you done that and what are you praying for? The old man replies I have come here to pray every day for 25 years In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth The journalist is amazed How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things? she asks The old man replies calmly: Like I m talking to a wall

A mallu woman went for a job interview for the post of a Secretary The manager saw the woman s colourful clothes gold jewellery extra coconut oiled uncombed hair and his mind was screaming: NOT THIS WOMAN Nevertheless he had to interview her So he told her If you make a sentence using all the words I give you then maybe I ll give you a chance at the job The words are: GREEN PINK YELLOW BLUE WHITE PURPLE and BLACK The enthusiastic mallu sat staring at the ceiling licking her lips thinking for a while She then let out a dorky laugh and said I hear the phone ring GREEN GREEN GREEN then I go PINK up the phone I say YELLOW BLUE S that?? Sorry WHITE did you say? Aiyo Wrong number Don t simbbly PURPLELY disturb ppl and don t call me BLACK next time wokay OK THANK YOU The Manager Fainted

Two Aussies Hugo and Jake were adrift in a lifeboat While rummaging through the boat s provisions Hugo stumbled across an old lamp He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth This genie however stated that he could only deliver one wish not the standard three Without giving much thought to the matter Hugo blurted out Make the entire ocean into BEER The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew EVER sampled by mortals Simultaneously the genie vanished Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances Jake looked disgustedly at Hugo whose wish had been granted After a long tension-filled moment Jake said Nice going Hugo Now we re going to have to piss in the boat

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed Howdy ma am My name s Brown spelled B-R-O-W-N Ah m from Dallas Texas Ah m 6-foot 3-inches tall Ah m white from th top of mah head to th tip of mah toes and I hate the Irish Well she didn t know what else to do so she took his ticket and showed him onto the plane He sat down in his seat and turned to the fellow next to him Howdy suh My name s Brown spelled B-R-O-W-N Ah m from Dallas Texas Ah m 6-foot 3-inches tall Ah m white from th top of mah head to th tip of mah toes and I hate the Irish The little fellow turned to him Well now how d ye do My name is Patrick Michael O Donnell I m from Dublin Ireland I m 5-foot 6- inches tall and I m white from the top o me head to the tip o me toes except for my rectum which is brown Spelled B-R-O-W-N

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant Sid asked Al Are there any Jews in China? I don`t know Sid replied Why don`t we ask the waiter? When the waiter came by Al asked him Are there any Chinese Jews? I don`t know sir let me ask the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen He returned in a few minutes and said No sir No Chinese Jews Are you sure? Al asked I will check again sir the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen While he was still gone Sid said I cannot believe there are no Jews in China Our people are scattered everywhere When the waiter returned he said Sir no Chinese Jews Are you really sure? Al asked again I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews Sir I ask everyone the waiter replied exasperated We have orange jews prune jews tomato jews and grape jews but no one ever hear of Chinese jews

An american born Desi returned to India and hired a tourist cab for sight seeing When taken to the Taj Mahal in Agra he asked how many years it took to build it The guide replied 20 years The American desi remarked You guys are lazy in America we can build some thing like this in 5 years At Red Fort in Dehli he asked the same question The guide reduced the period to impress him and said Ten years Only ten years The American Desi retorted: Did not I say you guys are slow workers In America we could have built it in 2 1/2 years Same story everywhere He admired the places but reduced the period to 1/4th The guide got irritated by this young American Desi Next day when they were near Qutab Minar the American Desi asked what is that tower? The guide replied I will have to go and find out When I was passing by this side last evening there was nothing here

President Obama and the Canadian PM are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future They both decide to test it by asking a question each President Obama goes first: What will the USA be like in 50 years time? The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout he reads it out: The country is in good hands under the new president Jose Fernandez crime is non-existent there is no conflict and the economy is healthy Vice President Jin Tao has declared Chinese language mandatory in all USA schools There are no worries The Canadian PM thinks It s not bad this time machine I ll have a bit of that so he asks: What will Canada be like in 50 years time? The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and he gets a printout But he just stares at it Come on David says Obama Tell us what it says? I can t It s all in Punjabi

A very large old building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor While working on the 49th floor two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft They decided that they should call the police When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright They said this could be somebody really important Two days went by and the construction workers couldn t stand it any more they had to know who they had found hey called the police and said We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know who it was? The police said It s somebody kind of important Well who was it? The 1956 Polish National Hide-and-Seek Champion

Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table One fellow said to the others Let s pick a fight with that Welshman over there His partner replied Wait we don t want to be arrested Let s make him start the fight The third Englishman said Wait here chaps I know how to do it He went over to the Welshman and said St David was a flippin sissy To this the Welshman replied Ah well you don t say and calmly resumed drinking his beer The second Englishman now tried his luck and said to the Welshman St David was a stupid fool that wore a dress The Welshman again replied You re very sharp you don t say and calmly resumed drinking his beer The last Englishman told his friends he knew how to rile the Welshman and bounced up to the table and yelled St David was an Englishman The Welshman replied calmly That s what your mates were trying to tell me