Optometrist An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer: As you are fitting his glasses if he asks how much they cost you say 75 If his eyes don t flutter say For the frames The lenses will be 50 If his eyes still don t flutter you add Each
While making rounds a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students As you can see she says the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched Michael what would you do in a case like this? Well ponders the student I suppose I d limp too
The doctor finished his examination and asked the patient to step into his office Sit down Mr Kay sen After looking at these test results I recommend that you have an operation immediately The man thought for a moment How will this affect my hobby Doctor? What s your hobby? Saving money
Old man Murray goes to the doctor with a very worried look on his face Doctor he says You`ve got to help me Do you remember those voices in my head I always complain about? Yes the doctor replies Well they`ve suddenly gone away Murray says So what`s the problem? I think I`m going deaf
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news Patient: Might as well give me the bad news first Doctor: The lab called with your test results They said you have 24 hours to live Patient: 24 HOURS That s terrible WHAT could be WORSE? Doctor: I ve been trying to reach you since yesterday
John came home from the doctor looking very worried His wife said What s the problem? He said The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life She said So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day their whole lives Yes I know he said but he only gave me four pills
A pipe burst in a doctor s house He called a plumber The plumber arrived unpacked his tools did some mysterious plumber-type things for a while and handed the doctor a bill for 600 The doctor exclaimed This is ridiculous I don t even make this much money The plumber replied Neither did I when I was a docto
A young woman had given birth in the elevator of a New Delhi hospital and was embarrassed about it One of the Doctors in an effort to console her said Don t feel bad Why only two years ago a lady delivered in the front yard of the hospital With that the new mother burst out crying I know she said That was me too
Nancy announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently Great Rita exclaimed I m ready to start a diet too We can be dieting buddies and help each other out And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries I ll call you first Wonderful Nancy replied I ll go with you
A man told his doctor that he wasn t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do When the exam was complete he said Now Doc I can take it Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me Well in plain English the doctor said you re just lazy Okay said the man Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife
Doctor I have an ear ache 2000 B C - Here eat this root 1000 B C - That root is heathen say this prayer 1850 A D - That prayer is superstition drink this potion 1940 A D - That potion is snake oil swallow this pill 1985 A D - That pill is ineffective take this antibiotic 2000 A D - That antibiotic is artificial Here eat this root
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line We need a fourth for poker said the friend I ll be right over whispered the doctor As he was putting on his coat his wife asked Is it serious? Oh yes quite serious said the doctor gravely In fact there are three doctors there already
Doctor: I see you`re over a month late for your appointment Don`t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What`s your excuse? Patient: I was just following your orders doc Doctor: Following my orders? what are you talking about? I gave you no such order Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me
During Zia s rule a gentleman travelled all the way from Islamabad to Karachi to have an aching tooth taken out The Karachi dentist said Surely you have dentists in Islamabad You did not have to come all this way to have your teeth attended to We have no choice In Islamabad we are not allowed to open our mouths replied the man with the aching tooth
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office What seems to be the problem? the doctor asked Well I uh she stammered I think I uh might be a nymphomaniac (a woman who likes to have sex very often esp with lots of different men) I see he said I can help you but I must advise you that my fee is 80 an hour That`s not bad she replied How much for all night?
