ऐक डाक्टर ने खुद के बारे मे कहा हमारी शख्शियत का अंदाज़ा तुम क्या लगाओगे ग़ालिब
जब गुज़रते है क़ब्रिस्तान से तो मुर्दे भी उठ के पूछ लेते हैं
कि डाॅक्टर साहब अब तो बता दो मुझे तकलीफ क्या थी

Sam and John were out cutting wood and John cut his arm off Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon The surgeon said: You are in luck I am an expert at reattaching limbs Come back in four hours So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said: I got done faster than I expected to John is down at the local pub Sam went to the pub and saw John throwing darts A few weeks later Sam and John were out again and John cut his leg off Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon The surgeon said: Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said: I finished early - John is down at the soccer field Sam went to the soccer field and there was John kicking goals A few weeks later John had a terrible accident and cut his head off Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon The surgeon said: Gee heads are really tough Come back in twelve hours So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said I am sorry John died Sam said: I understand - heads are tough The surgeon said: Oh no The surgery went fine John suffocated in that plastic bag

When some doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new wing at a hospital The allergists voted to scratch it The dermatologists preferred no rash moves The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it The micro-surgeons were thinking along the same vein The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted The orthopedists issued a joint resolution The parasitologists said well if you encyst The pathologists yelled over my dead body The pediatricians said grow up The proctologists said we are in arrears The psychiatrists thought it was madness The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing The radiologists could see right through it The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow The plastic surgeons said this puts a whole new face on the matter The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward The urologists felt the scheme wouldn t hold water The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas The cardiologists didn t have the heart to say no And the otologists were deaf to the idea

Bablu :-डॉक्टर साहब जब मै सीधा खड़ा रहकर हल्का सा झुककर अपनी
लेफ्ट टांग घुटने से मोड़कर सीधा करता हूँ
फिर राईट टांग को मोड़कर सीधा करता हूँ तब कमर में दर्द होता है
डॉक्टर:- तो ऐसा ड्रामा करते ही क्यों हो
Bablu :-ते हुन मै कच्छा वि ना पावां

With the introduction of Viagra in response a perennial male problem a reputed pharmaceutical company is now working on a range of new drugs in an attempt to redress the balance MIRRORCILLIN A 5cc dose enables a woman to walk past mirrors for up to four hours without pausing once STOPPANAGGIN Gives women a vague feeling of contentment towards their spouse or boyfriend COSMOPOLIRA Raises female intelligence to levels allowing facts in trash lifestyle magazines to be disputed LOGICON Trials have showed that females taking this were able to follow a proposition through to its logical conclusion and argue effectively without being diverted into non relevant postulates such as you don t love me anymore PARKATRON 72% of women taking this were able to safely reverse park a car Fiesta into a space only 12 meters long; 54% achieved this in under 15 minutes MAGNATACK Uniquely distorts the cornea making certain shapes appear much larger than in reality – no practical use for this drug has yet been found WARDROBIA Clinical trials show that almost 23% of women taking this drug can safely walk past a sale notice and an amazing 42% actually stayed within their credit limit BEERINTULIN Engenders a female desire to bring her spouse/boyfriend alcoholic beverages and snacks during televised sports

A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive press 1 repeatedly If you are co-dependent please ask someone to press 2 for you If you have multiple personalities press 3 4 5 and 6 If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want Stay on the line so we can trace your call If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press If you are a manic-depressive it doesn’t matter which number you press no one will answer If you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name address phone number date of birth social security number and your mother s maiden name If you have post-traumatic stress disorder slowly and carefully press 000 If you have bi-polar disorder please leave a message after the beep or before the beep Please wait for the beep If you have short-term memory loss press 9 If you have short-term memory loss press 9 If you have short-term memory loss press 9 If you have short-term memory loss press 9 If you have low self esteem please hang up All of our operators are too busy to talk to you

A businessman was confined to the for treatment of a minor malady For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself irritating both staff and the other patients demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste the light needed to be adjusted to his demands the nighttime activities interfered with his rest and on and on He order his nurses around as if they were his employees One morning the head nnurse entered his room and announced I have to take your temperature After complaining for several minutes he finally settled down crossed his arms and opened his mouth No I am sorry the nurse stated but for this reading I can`t use an oral thermometer This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer he heard her announce I have to get something Now you stay just like that until I get back She left the door to his room open on her way out and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing After almost an half an hour the man`s doctor came into the room What`s going on here? asked the doctor Angrily the man answers What`s the matter Doctor? Haven`t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken? Yes said the doctor But never with a rose

An Irishman named Darren went to his doctor after a long illness The doctor after a lengthy examination sighed and looked Darren in the eye and said I`ve some bad news for you You have cancer and it can`t be cured I`d give you two weeks to a month to live Darren was shocked and saddened by the news but was of solid character He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor`s office into the waiting room There he saw his son who had been waiting Darren Well son We Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don`t go so well In this case things aren`t so well I have cancer and I`ve been given a short time to live Let`s head for the pub and have a few pints After 3 or 4 pints the two were feeling a little less somber There were some laughs and more beers They were eventually approached by some of Darren old friends who asked what the two were celebrating Darren told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end Darren told his friends I`ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS The friends gave Darren their condolences and they had a couple more beers After his friends left Darren`s son leaned over and whispered his confusion Dad I thought you said that you were dying from cancer You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS Darren said I am dying of cancer son I just don`t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I`m gone

A woman was in town on a shopping trip She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second In the third everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her cell phone rang It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU The woman asked the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she d be there as soon as possible As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques She decided to hit a couple of more shops on the way to the hospital She ended up shopping the rest of the morning finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a slice of yummy chocolate cake compliments of the last shop She was jubilant Then she remembered her husband Feeling guilty she dashed to the hospital She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband s condition The lady doctor glared at her and shouted You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn t you ? I hope you re proud of yourself While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit It s just as well you went ahead and finished because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care And taking care of him will now be your career The woman was feeling so overwhelmed with guilt she broke down and began sobbing The lady doctor then chuckled and said I m just pulling your leg He s dead Show me what you bought

I m sure you will enjoy this One word in the English language that could be a noun verb adj adv prep is UP Read until the end you ll laugh This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word and that word is UP It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv] [prep] [adj] [n] or [v] It s easy to understand UP meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list but when we awaken in the morning why do we wake UP? At a meeting why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election (if there is a tie it is a toss UP) and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends brighten UP a room polish UP the silver warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car At other times this little word has real special meaning People stir UP trouble line UP for tickets work UP an appetite and think UP excuses To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP look UP the word UP in the dictionary In a desk-sized dictionary it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions If you are UP to it you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used It will take UP a lot of your time but if you don t give UP you may wind UP with (UP to) a hundred or more When it threatens to rain we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP When it rains it soaks UP the earth When it does not rain for awhile things dry UP One could go on and on but I ll wrap it UP for now my time is UP So did this whole thing crack you UP? Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book or not it s UP to you Now I ll shut UP

Here is an update on all that health stuff we keep hearing about Q: Doctor I ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that s it don t waste them on exercise Everything wears out eventually Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster Want to live longer? Take a nap Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No not at all Wine is made from fruit Brandy is distilled wine that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way Beer is also made out of grain Bottoms up Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well if you have a body and you have fat your ratio is one to one If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one etc Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can t think of a single one sorry My philosophy is: No Pain Good Q: Aren t fried foods bad for you? A: YOU RE NOT LISTENING Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil In fact they re permeated in it How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not When you exercise a muscle it gets bigger You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans Another vegetable It s the best feel-good food around Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure explain whales to me Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey Round is a shape Well I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways -Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO What a Ride

एक सुन्दर युवती एक दवाईयों की दुकान के सामने काफी देर तक खडी थी भीड़ छटने का इंतज़ार कर रही थी
दुकान का मालिक उसे शक की नजर से घूर रहा था
बहुत देर बाद जब दुकान मे कोई गिहाईक नही बचा
तो वह लड़की दुकान मे आयी एक सेल्समन को धीरे से एक किनारे बुलाया
दुकान मालिक अब और भी ज्यादा चौकन्ना हो गया
लड़की ने धीरे से एक कागज़ सेल्समन की ओर बढाया धीरे से फुसफुसायी भैया मेरी एक डॉक्टर के साथ शादी तय हो गयी है
आज उनकी पहली चिठ्ठी आयी है थोडा पढ़कर सुनायेंगे क्या