An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth wisdom or beauty Without hesitating the dean selects infinite wisdom Done says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning Now all heads turn toward the dean who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light One of his colleagues whispers Say something The dean sighs and says I should have taken the money

One day 3 brothers are walking around the part when they came across something in the middle of their path `it looks like SHlT ` said the first brother `i better check it out` he lean forward and took a deep breath `Smells like SHlT ` he said The second brother walk closer and stick his finger inside it and feel `Feels like SHlT` he said The thirth brother poke it and put it inside his mouth and said `Taste like SHlT` the three brother finally relaxed and said `GOOD thing we didn`t step on it PHEW `

9 00 AM: Beep Beep Msg received Salary credited to your account Me: Yipeeee 9 01 AM: Beep Beep Home EMI auto debited 9 02 AM: Beep Beep Car loan EMI auto debited 9 03 AM: Beep Beep Credit card bill auto debited 9 04 AM: Beep Beep Phone bill auto debited 9 05 AM: Beep Beep Electricity bill auto debited 9 06 AM: Beep Beep LIC EMI auto debited 9 07 AM: Beep Beep Medical insurance EMI debited 9 08 AM: Beep Beep SIP EMI debited 9 09 AM: Beep Beep Your account balance: Babaji Ka Thullu ?

Almost 150 yrs ago President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Mr Alan Pinkerton The function that Pinkerton established actually was the beginning of the Secret Service Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large number of three-letter agencies - FBI CIA INS IRS DEA Now comes a proposal for another agency: The Airport Security Service Can t you see it now the new service in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs?

Walking up to a department store s fabric counter a pretty girl asked I want to buy this material for a new dress How much does it cost? Only one kiss per yard replied the smirking male clerk That s fine replied the girl I ll take ten yards With expectation and anticipation written all over his face the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth then held it out teasingly The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her Grandpa will pay the bill she smiled

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said your hearing is perfect Your family must be really pleased you can hear again To which the gentleman said Oh I haven`t told my family yet I just sit around and listen to the conversations I`ve changed my will three times

On the first day of college the Dean addressed the students pointing out some of the rules The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined 20 the first time He continued Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined 60 Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of 180 Are there any questions? At this point a male student in the crowd inquired How much for a season pass?

Vicky who was 19 years old was buying an expensive bracelet to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine s Day at a jeweller s shop in Connaught Place Delhi The jeweller inquired Would you like your girlfriend s name engraved on it? Vicky thought for a moment grinned then answered No instead engrave To my one and only love The jeweller smiled and said Yes sir; how very romantic of you Vicky retorted with a glint in his eye Not exactly romantic but very practical This way if we break up I can use it again

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier instructed Strip down facing me Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this unnecessary security rubbish I did just as she instructed After the shrieking and hysteria finally subsided I found out she was referring to how I should position my Credit Card Nonetheless I ve been asked to shop elsewhere in the future They need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors Man I hate this getting older stuff

Walking up to a department store s fabric counter the pretty girl said I would like to buy this material for a new dress How much does it cost? Only one kiss per yard replied the male clerk with a smirk That s fine said the girl I ll take ten yards With expectation and anticipation written all over his face the clerk quickly measured out the cloth wrapped it up then teasingly held it out The girl snapped up the package pointed to the old geezer standing beside her and smiled Grandpa will pay the bill

Old man Joe limped into the doctor s office and said Doctor my knee hurts so bad I can hardly walk The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe paused and then said Mr Joe just how old are you? 98 Joe announced proudly The doctor just sighed and looked at him again Finally he said Sir I m sorry I mean just look at you You re practically one hundred years old and you re complaining that your knee hurts? Well what did you expect? The old Joe said Well my other knee is 98 years old too and it don t hurt

An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad saying: Dear Dad Berlin is wonderful people are nice and I really like it here but Dad I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train Your son Nasser The next day Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad: My dear loving son Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account Please stop embarrassing us Go and get yourself a train too Love your Dad

On the first day of college the Dean addressed the students pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined 20 the first time He continued Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined 60 Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of 180 Are there any questions? At this point a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season pass?

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a 250 dress she had bought How could you do this he exclaimed I don t know she wailed I was standing in the store looking at the dress Then I found myself trying it on It was like the Devil was whispering to me Gee you look great in that dress You should buy it Well the pastor persisted You know how to deal with him Just tell him Get behind me Satan I did replied his wife but then he said It looks great from back here too

An American woman travelling in south-east Asia was horrified to be served bird s nest soup Do you mean to say this actually is a bird s nest? she protested The chef assured her that it was explaining that the bird built the nest using its own saliva as glue Are you saying I m supposed to eat saliva from a bird? she demanded I can t imagine anyone eating bird s saliva Realizing that there was no hope of converting her the chef asked what she would prefer instead She answered Oh just fix me an omelette