A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much One day a saleswoman knocked on his door and asked to see his wife so the guy told her that she wasn t home Well the woman said could I please wait for her? The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours After feeling really worried she called out for him an asked May I ask where your wife is? She went to the cemetery he replied And when is she coming back? I don t really know he said She s been there eleven years now

A woman got on a bus holding a baby The busdriver said: That`s the ugliest baby I`ve ever seen In a huff the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong The bus driver insulted me she fumed The man sympathized and said Why he`s a public servant and shouldn`t say things to insult passengers You`re right she said I think I`ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind That`s a good idea the man said Here let me hold your monkey

Busload of politicians was driving down a country road when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer s barn The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians A few days later the local sheriff came out saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone The old farmer told him he had buried them The sheriff asked the old farmer Lordy they were ALL dead? The old farmer said Well some of them said they weren t but you know how them crooked politicians lie

When the British government let out bids for the digging of a tunnel under the English Channel estimates were in the millions of pounds One firm asked only 10 000 pounds however Considering equipment and labour cost the construction chairman asked the low bidder how do you propose to do the job for such a pittance? It s simple the contractor replied my partner grabs a shovel goes to France and start digging I take another shovel and start digging from England We dig until we meet - and you ve got a tunnel But what if you never meet? Then you ve got TWO tunnels

One day death came to a Guy and said Hey today is your last day Guy But I m not ready Death said Well today your name is the first on my list Guy Okay then why don t you take a seat and we will drink a COFFEE before we go? Death All right The Guy gave Death some COFFEE with sleeping pills in it Death finished COFFEE and fell into a deep sleep The Guy took the list removed his name from top of the list and put at the bottom of the list When Death woke up he said to the Guy Because you have been so nice to me now I will start my job from the BOTTOM of the list

At a party the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments She was sure that not all of these had been invited but didn t know how to tell which ones were the crashers Then her husband got an idea He turned to the crowd of the guests and said Will everyone from the bride s side of the family stand up please? About 20 people stood Then he asked Will everyone from the groom s side of the family stand up please? About 25 people stood up Then he smiled and said Will everyone who stood please LEAVE This is a Birthday Party

A robust-looking gentleman ate a large meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some fine wine and then he summoned the headwaiter “Do you recall ” he asked pleasantly “how a year ago I ate just such a wonderful meal here and then because I couldn’t pay for it you had me thrown into the alley like a beggar?” “I’m very sorry sir…” began the contrite headwaiter “Oh it’s quite all right ” said the guest “but I’m afraid I’ll have to trouble you again…”

It was the day of the big sale Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30 the store`s opening time A small man pushed his way to the front of the line only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses On the man`s second attempt he was punched square in the jaw knocked around a bit and then thrown to the end of the line again As he got up the second time he said to the person at the end of the line That does it If they hit me one more time I`m not opening the store

A carpenter on a building site rushed up to the site engineer Sir Sir he cried Someone just dropped a trowel from the top of the scaffold and sliced my ear off The site engineer immediately organized a search party to find the ear in the hope that micro-surgeon would be able to sew it on again if it was well-preserved in ice and taken immediately to the hospital in a thermos flask Here it is cried one of the searchers waving an ear No that s not it said the injured carpenter “mine had a pencil behind it Contributed by:- Gurjitemail address:- gurjit langoo com

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner After some wheeling and dealing they settled for 10 000 for the duck and the pot Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger Your duck is a ripoff I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn t dance a single step So? asked the ducks former owner did you remember to light the candle under the pot?

आजकल बच्चे 80 नंबर लेके भी रो रहे है
एक हम थे जो दसवी में 55% नंबर लेके भी गली में बूंदी बाँट दिया करते थे

A TOUGH Haryanvi peasant swaggered into a restaurant and ordered for empty tumbler and a lemon He asked everyone to look as he squeezed the lemon into the glass with his powerful hands If anyone here can get as much out of a lemon as I have I will give him five rupees A thin bespectacled clerk accepted the challenge With his frail hands he got more juice out of the lemon than the Haryanvi Wonderful exclaimed the Chaudhary handing over the fiver but tell me how did you manage to squeeze out more than I? I am from the income tax department replied the little fellow

Leaving Montreal a man decided to stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road He goes into the washroom The first stall is taken so he entered into the second stall He had just sat down when he hear a voice from the other stall Hi there how is it going? He didn t know what to say so finally he said Not bad Then the voice says So what are you doing? He find this a bit weird but said Well I m going back east Then he hear the person all flustered say Look I ll call you back; every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me

An older couple were lying in bed one night The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk She said You use to hold my hand when we were courting Wearily he reached across held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep A few moments later she said Then you used to kiss me Mildly irritated he reached across gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep Thirty seconds later she said Then you use to bite my neck Angrily he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed Where are you going ? she asked To get my teeth

An Army major was conducting a field test when communications went dead just when headquarters initiated a call to him Immediately he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station When the major and the sergeant ran in the group cheered their arrival The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major s hand Don t congratulate me sir he said modestly as he pointed to his driver It was all the sergeant s doing The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant Congratulations he said The major s wife just had a baby girl