A big burly man visited the pastor s home and asked to see the minister s wife a woman well known for her charitable impulses Madam he said in a broken voice I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district The father is dead the mother is too ill to work and the nine children are starving They are about to be turned into the cold empty streets unless someone pays their rent which amounts to 400 How terrible exclaimed the preacher s wife May I ask who you are? The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes I m the landlord he sobbed

A big burly man visited the pastor s home and asked to see the minister s wife a woman well known for her charitable impulses Madam he said in a broken voice I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district The father is dead the mother is too ill to work and the nine children are starving They are about to be turned into the cold empty streets unless someone pays their rent which amounts to 400 How terrible exclaimed the preacher s wife May I ask who you are? The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes and sobbed I m the landlord

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point-he really never said too much One day a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes knocked his door and asked to see his wife so the guy told her that she wasn t home Well the woman said could I please wait for her? The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours After feeling really worried she called out for him and asked May I know where your wife is? She went to the cemetery he replied And when is she coming? I don t really know he said She s been there eleven years now

A guy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church He pulls aside the curtain enters and sits down There s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses the best wine Guinness on tap cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments He hears a priest come in: Father forgive me for it s been a very long time since I ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be The priest replies Get out you idiot You re on my side

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much One day a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes nocked his door and asked to see his wife so the guy told her that she wasn`t home Well the woman said could I please wait for her? The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours After feeling really worried she called out for him and asked May I know where your wife is? She went to the cemetery he replied And when is she coming? I don`t really know he said She`s been there eleven years now

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question The driver screamed lost control of the car nearly hit a bus went up on the footpath and stopped centimeters from a shop window For a second everything went quiet in the cab then the driver said: Look mate don t ever do that again You scared the daylights out of me The passenger apologized and said I didn t realize that a little tap would scare you so much The driver replied Sorry it s not really your fault Today is my first day as a cab driver - I ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass The CO says Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank The CO was so impressed he asked How did you do it? Well I jumped in a tank and went toward the border with the Arabs I approached the border and saw an Arab tank I put my white flag up the Arab tank put his white flag up I said to the Arab soldier Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks

लड़का : आई लव यू
लड़की : मैं अभी इसके लिए तैयार नहीं हूं
लड़का : अब क्या हां बोलने के लिए भी मेकअप करेगी पगली

If you purchased Rs 1 00 000 of Delta Airlines stock 1 year ago you would have Rs 4 900 today If you purchased Rs 1 00 000 of AIG stock 1 year ago you would have Rs 3 300 today If you purchased Rs 1 00 000 of Lehman Brothers stock 1 year ago you would have Rs today But if you purchased Rs 1 00 000 worth of beer 1 year ago drank all the beer returned the aluminum cans for a recycling refund you would have Rs 21 400/- Imagine the above said returns is just an addition on top of all the entertainment you got by drinking beer (which is not accountable in terms of money) Think Smart Cheers

A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique The main thing to remember is that repetition repetition repetition is the keynote he advised If you have a product to sell keep harping on it in every possible way cram it down people s throats and beat them over the head with it Above all don t ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat It s the only way to get results Yes sir the employee answered And now what was it you came in to see me about? the boss asked The employee replied An increment An increment An increment An increment An increment An increment An increment

A professor was travelling by boat On his way he asked the sailor Deco Do you know Biology Ecology Epidemology or anthropology? No said the sailor The proffesor got angry with Deco the sailor and said What the hell do you know on these earth? You will die of illiteracy One hour later the boat started sinking The sailor Deco asked the professor Do you know swimminology and Escapeology from Sharkology and crocodileology? No said the professor The Sailor said Well that means crocodileology will eat your assology and you will dieology with your knowledgeology because of your big mouthology

A young man s mother was now living in the big city and he didn t see her that often His father was no longer around and he was worried that his mom was lonely For her birthday he purchased a rare parrot trained to speak seven languages He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother A few days later he called Ma what do you think of the bird? The bird was good but a little tough I should have cooked it longer You ate the bird? Mom that bird was very expensive It spoke seven languages Oh excuse me but if that bird was so smart why didn t it say something when I put it in the oven?

A businessman taking a seminar on efficiency completed a case study of his wife`s routine for fixing breakfast and presented the results to the class After a few days of observation I quickly determined the practices that were robbing her of her precious time and energy the man reported taking note of how many trips she made from the kitchen to the dining room carrying just one item I suggested that in the future she carry several items at a time Did it work? the teacher asked It sure did replied the businessman instead of taking her 20 minutes to fix my breakfast it now takes ME just seven

A taxi driver driving a Mercedes-Benz picked up a rather simple looking fellow at the airport one day When the gentleman got in and they started on their way he enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for The driver replied Why it s for lining it up at people so you can run them down Ah I see said the man With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman but at the last second swerves away and hears a loud bang he looks curiously over at the passenger who is hanging out of the car with the door wide open: I thought you were going to miss there for a minute

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour When she noticed a policeman following her instead of slowing down she picked up speed When she looked back again their were two cops on motorcycles following her She shot up to 80 miles The next time she looked around there were three cops following her Suddenly she spotted a gas station looming ahead She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies room Ten minutes later she innocently walked out The three cops were standing there waiting for her Without batting an eye she said coyly I ll bet none of you thought I would make it