A conductor was having a lot of trouble with a drummer He constantly gave this guy personal attention and much advice but his performance simply didn t improve Finally before the whole orchestra he took a critical jab at the drummer When a musician just can t handle his instrument and doesn t improve when given help they take away the instrument give him two sticks and make him a drummer which must be why you play the drums A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section And if he can t handle even that they take away one of his sticks and make him a conducto

An older couple were lying in bed one night The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk She said You use to hold my hand when we were courting Wearily he reached across held her hand for a second and tried to get back to ep sle A few moments later she said Then you used to kiss me Mildly irritated he reached across gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep Thirty seconds later she said Then you use to bite my neck Angrily he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed Where are you going ? she asked To get my teeth

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle For the first few days the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens cows crops etc After three days however it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with Finally the uncle had an idea Why don`t you grab a gun take the dogs and go shooting? This seemed to cheer the nephew up and with enthusiasm off he went dogs in trail After a few hours the nephew returned How did you enjoy that? asked the uncle It was great exclaimed the nephew Got any more dogs?

A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds It read: Brand new 1995 Mercedes Benz slate blue loaded etc Sell for 150 00 She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and to her surprise the car was in perfect condition She asked the woman What`s the catch? Why are you selling this car so cheaply? Well she said it`s my husband`s car actually and he recently ran off with his young secretary I got a telegram from him last week that read: `In Miami Need money Sell car`

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle For the first few days the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens cows crops etc After three days however it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with Finally the uncle had an idea Why don t you grab a gun take the dogs and go shooting? This seemed to cheer the nephew up and with enthusiasm off he went dogs in trail After a few hours the nephew returned How did you enjoy that? asked the uncle It was great exclaimed the nephew Got any more dogs?

A man was riding on a crowded bus standing room only The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man s head Being a gentleman he offered his seat to her She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance Soon the picnic basket began to leak The man felt something drop on top of his head As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips He tasted it looked up at the lady and asked Pickles? She replied No no puppies

A college student writes to his parents Dear Mom and Dad I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money I feel ashamed and unhappy I have to ask for another two hundred but every cell in my body rebels I beg on bended knee that you forgive me Your son Johnnie P S I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner I wanted to take this letter and burn it I prayed that I could get it back But it was too late A few days later he received a letter from his father It said Your prayers were answered Your letter never arrived

It was the day of the big sale Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the web and newspaeres were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30 the store s opening time A small man pushed his way to the front of the line only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses On the man s second attempt he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit then thrown to the end of the line again As he got up the second time he said to the person at the end of the line: That does it If they hit me one more time I won t open the store

Two friends meet on a Miami street One looked forlorn and almost on the verge of tears The other man said Hey how come you look like the whole world caved in? The sad fellow said Let me tell you three weeks ago an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars That`s not bad Hold on I m just getting started Two weeks ago a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear Sounds like you should be grateful Last week my great aunt passed away I inherited almost a quarter of a million The how come you look so glum? This week nothing

I like duck Duck lives in water I also drink water My neighbour uncle drink alcohol Alcohol is very bad It was told by Gandhiji He was a good person He had one stick Stick swim in water Duck also swim in water Duck take bath in water Me too take bath in water I take bath only in 5 mins but duck take bath full day That is why duck is so white I like duck so much because I love drinking milk Milk is white in colour and blue is my favourite colour Holi is festival of colours Moral of the story: WhatsApp is free Send Anything People still read it Coming soon An essay on Fish

सुबह से दौड रही हैं चाकु लेकर पगली मेरे पिछे
मैँने तो मजाक में कहा था दिल चिर के देख तेरा ही नाम होगा

Death came to a guy and said My friend today is your day The guy said But I am not ready Then death said Well your name is the next on my list So the guy told death Ok why don t you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go? Death said All right The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep The guy took the list removed his name from top of the list to the bottom of the list When death woke up he said to the guy I will start from the bottom of the list because you have been so very nice to me

I m sure you ve all heard about the traveling salesman whose car became disabled in the middle of nowhere It took him several hours to make it to the nearest farm house he finally reached their front door and knocked on it A grizzled old farmer answered and the salesman pleaded for a place to spend the night Why sure young fella I can give you a place to bunk said the hospitable old man But I ain t got no daughter for you to sleep with like you always hear about them in jokes Oh said the salesman Then thinking a moment or two he asked How far is it to the next farmhouse ?

The local political leader was invited to speak to the inmates of a mental asylum The politician had begun his talk and had been going for about ten minutes when a fellow in the back stood up and yelled Oh you don t know what you are talking about Besides you are talking too much Why don t you shut up and sit down I will wait a minute until you put that man out the politician said to the superintendent Put him out? the superintendent asked Certainly not That poor man has been here for eight years and that is the first time he has ever said anything that made any sense si

Phone rings Girl: Hello Guy: My love how are you doing? Girl: Am fine Guy: Will you be free during the weekend you come to my house? Girl: Am sorry I can t make it because I will be attending my aunt s wedding and the next day I l be busy I m so occupied Guy: Oh Ok was just planning to take you out for shopping surprise you with an iPhone5 then buy you a new dress and the brazzilian hair you ve been asking for Girl: I will be coming and I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my love Guy: What about the wedding? Girl: Which wedding I was joking Guy: Me too