English: He`s cleaning his automobile Japanese: Wa Shing Ka English: This is a tow away zone Japanese: No Pah King English: Is there a fugitive here? Japanese: Hu Yu Hai Ding? English: Small Horse Japanese: Tai Ni Po Ni English: Did you go to the beach? Japanese: Wai Yu So Tan? English: I bumped into a coffee table Japanese: Ai Bang Mai Ni English: It`s very dark in here Japanese: Wai So Dim? English: I thought you were on a diet? Japanese: Wai Yu Mun Ching? English: Your body odor is offensive Japanese: Yu Stin Ki Pu English: You know lyrics to the Macarena? Japanese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song? English: Stay out of sight Japanese: Lei Lo

One day a scuba diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level Looking around he saw a guy at the same depth without any scuba gear on so he decided to go down another 20 feet He took another look around and low and behold there was the same guy I can t believe it thought the scuba diver; I bet he can t go down another 25 feet So the diver goes down another 25 feet and again there is the guy Totally amazed the scuba diver pulls out a chalkboard and writes How the heck are you able to go so deep and stay under so long without any equipment? The guy grabs the chalkboard and frantically writes: I m drowning you moron

A man took his wife to a Broadway show During the first act intermission he had to urinate in the worst way He hurried to the back of the theatre and searched in vain for the men s room At last he came upon a fountain surrounded by pretty foliage He realized that he had wandered backstage Noting that no one was around and in desperatation he opened his pants and pissed into the fountain He had difficulty finding his way back to the auditorium and by the time he sat down next to his wife the curtain was up and the actors were moving about on the stage Did I miss much of he second act? he whispered Miss it? she said You were in it

Jack and Max are walking from religious service Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying Max replies Why don t you ask the Priest? So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks Father may I smoke while I pray ? The Priest replies No my son you may not That s utter disrespect to our religion Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him Max says I m not surprised You asked the wrong question Let me try And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks Father may I pray while I smoke ? To which the Priest eagerly replies By all means my son By all means You can always pray whenever you want to

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish He was saying Dam fish for sale dam fish for sale A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish The kid said I caught them at the dam so they re dam fish The preacher bought some took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said Preachers aren t supposed to talk like that The preacher explained why they were dam fish and she agreed to cook them When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish His son replied That s the spirit dad Pass the fucking potatoes

A milkman who is dying in the hospital is surrounded by his two sons daughter his wife and a nurse He says: - To you Peter I leave the Beverly houses - To you my dear daughter I leave the apartments in the Los Angeles Plaza - To you Charlie being my youngest son with a large future I leave the City Center offices - And you my dear wife the three residential buildings towers in downtown The nurse impressed tells his wife Madam your husband is very rich He is bequeathing many properties You all are so lucky And the wife retorts Rich??? Lucky??? Are you fucking kidding me ?? He is a Milkman Those are his routes where he delivers milk

ये रात में मोटरसाइकील के पीछे कुत्ते ऐसे तेजी से भागते हैं
जैसे अगले चौराहे पे 2 झापड़ मार के गाडी छीन ही लेंगे

Three Insurance salesmen were having drinks and boasting about each companies service The first one said When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and mailed a check on Wednesday evening The second one said When one of our insured died without warning on Monday we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening The last salesman said That s nothing Our office is on the 20th floor in the Sears Tower One of our insured who was washing a window on the 85th floor slipped and fell We handed him his check as he passed our floo

Ruth took her boyfriend Bernie home to meet her parents Mr and Mrs Bloom What do you do for a living? asked Mr Bloom I own some property replied Bernie Some property exclaimed Ruth He owns a chain of fast-rising retail stores And where do you live? asked Mrs Bloom I ve got an apartment in town An apartment cried Ruth He has a luxury apartment in the most sought-after block in Manhattan And what are your prospects? inquired Mr Bloom I m hoping to expand said Bernie Expand interrupted Ruth He s planning to buy Bloomingdale s Just then Bernie sneezed Have you got a cold? asked Mrs Bloom A cold? shrieked Ruth Bernie s got pneumonia

A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot The shop owner pointed to three identical birds lined up on the perch How much is the one on the left? asked the customer Five hundred dollars said the shop owner Why is it so expensive? Because it knows how to do legal research What about the one in the middle? How much is that? One thousand dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case And how much is the third parrot? Five thousands dollars What can it do that is so special? To be honest I ve never seen him do a damn thing but the other two call him Senior Partne

The junior high school was having trouble with the seventh grade girls leaving lipstick marks all over the mirrors in the girls bathrooms No amount of warnings or requests to stop helped So the principal called the girls into one of the girls restrooms for a talk You all may not realize how difficult it is for our custodian Mr Anderson to remove these marks so I ve called him in to demonstrate what he has to go through Mr Anderson stepped forward with a long-handled scrub brush in hand which he immediately sloshed around in the toilet before using it scrubbing the mirrors There was never again a problem with lipstick marks on the mirrors

Morris was a very successful marketing director Sadly his wife Shirley dies At the cemetery Morris s friends and family are appalled to see that the headstone reads: Here lies Shirley wife of Morris MCIM Post Graduate Diploma in Marketing and Marketing Director of Quality Marketing Services Ltd Morris was standing in front of Shirley s grave reading the headstone when he suddenly burst into tears His brother says to him I m not at all surprised that you find this distasteful It s right that you should cry pulling a cheap stunt like this on Shirley s headstone Through his tears Morris sobs You don t understand They left out the phone numbe

Bob a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm She hangs on Bob s arm and listens intently to his every word His buddies at the club are all envious They corner him and ask Bob how d you get the trophy girlfriend? Bob replies Girlfriend? She s my wife They re knocked over but continue to ask So how d you persuade her to marry you? Bob says I lied about my age His friends are fascinated What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50? Bob smiles and says No I told her I was 90

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady She offers him a handful of peanuts which he gratefully munches up After approximately 15 minutes she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts She repeats this gesture about eight times At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth they are not able to chew them Why do you buy them then? he asks puzzled Whereupon the old lady answers We just love the chocolate around them

A girl was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew that she was not speeding Just to be sure she went around the block and passed the same spot driving even more slowly but again the camera flashed Now she began to think that this was quite funny so she drove even slower as she passed the area once more but the traffic camera again flashed She tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while she rolled past at a snail s pace Two weeks later she got five challans for driving without a seat belt