Discoveries and Inventions by Men and Women Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP Men discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS Women discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE Women discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE Men discovered TRADING and invented MONEY Women discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING Thereafter Men have discovered and invented a lot of things… While Women STUCK to shopping

We ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed the definition for each is listed below GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with guys being met by your wife with a broom and having the guts to ask: Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere? BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer lipstick on your collar slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: You re next I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death

झुठा था वो दोस्त जो कहता था जान भी मांगो तो दे देँगे
आज वो अपनी घरवाली को जान कहता है
और मांगो तो कमीना गालिया देता है

You wake face down on the footpath You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles You want to put clothes you wore home from the party and there aren t any You put on the news and they re showing emergency routes out of the city Your twin forgot your birthday The boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat The bird singing outside your window is a vulture You call your answering service and they tell you it s none of your business Your blind date turns out to be your wife Your income tax cheque bounces You put both contact lenses in the same eye Your wife says Good morning Bill and your name is Frank

There was a farmer who grew watermelons He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure He made up a sign and posted it in the field The next day the kids show up and they saw the sign which read: Warning One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide The kids run off made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer s sign When the farmer returned he surveyed the field He noticed that no watermelons are missing but the sign next to his read: Now there are two

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg As he was a great fan of his movies he rushes over to him and asks for his autograph Instead Spielberg gives him a slap and says You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour get outta here The astonished Chinese man replied It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour it was the Japanese Chinese Japanese Taiwanese you re all the same replied Spielberg In return the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says You sank the Titanic my forefathers were on that ship Shocked Spielberg replies It was the iceberg that sank the ship not me The Chinese replies Iceberg Spielberg Carlsberg you re all the same

Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter`s birthday and he hadn`t bought her a present He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager How much is that new Barbie in the window? The Manager replied Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for 19 95 Barbie goes to the Ball for 19 95 Barbie goes shopping for 19 95 Barbie goes to the beach for 19 95 Barbie goes to the Nightclub for 19 95 and Divorced Barbie for 375 00 Why is the Divorced Barbie 375 00 when all the others are 19 95? ? Ralph asked surprised The Manager replies Well Divorced Barbie comes with Ken`s car Ken`s House Ken`s boat Ken`s dog Ken`s cat and Ken`s furniture

A priest who was walking through a small town saw a blackboard outside the front door of a school It had been washed and put out to dry in the open air There was a piece of chalk at the foot of the blackboard The priest took the chalk and wrote in large letters I m a priest and I pray for you all A lawyer happened to pass next and when he saw what the priest had written he added under it I m a lawyer and I defend you all Then a doctor came by took the piece of chalk and wrote on the blackboard I m a doctor and I cure you all Finally an ordinary citizen stopped looked at what the others had written thought for a few seconds and then added I am an ordinary citizen and I pay for you all

George decides to take his boss Sam to play 9 holes on their lunch While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace George offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit He gets about 3/4ths of the way stops and jogs back His boss asks what the problem is George said Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress Sam just shook his head at Joe and started towards the women determined to finish his round of golf Preparing to ask the ladies to hurry their game he too stopped short and turned around George asked What s wrong? Sam replies It s a small small world George and you re fired

A new Army recruit was on the rifle range He fired 50 shots and completely missed the target with every shot His Drill Instructor called him to attention and got in his face What s the matter with you? shouted the DI Why can t you hit the target? What were you in civilian life? I was a Cable TV repair man replied the recruit and I don t know why I can t hit the target Let me see The man checked his rifle checked his rifle again and then checked his rifle a third time He then put his finger in front of the muzzle pulled the trigger and blew the end of his finger off Well the phone man said writhing in pain the bullets are leaving this end here fine The trouble must be on the other end

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company On his last day of work he ordered a farewell party for himself The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card so later he could remember how his staff miss him Most people are writing standard phrases like Without you the company will never be the same We will always remember you etc Obviously the boss was not satisfied I need something from the bottom of your heart something really touching you know Okay John you have been working with me for the last 20 years You are my best staff I am retiring now What do you have to say? Slowly but firmly John wrote The best news in 20 years

An Officer was rewarded a bicycle by his Commanding Officer for a job well done It was a beautiful cycle but didn t have a carrier at the back He requested his Orderly to get it fixed When the cycle came back with the carrier fitted he noticed that now the stand is missing He asked about the missing stand The Orderly replied CO Sahib ke paas gaya toh unhone carrier toh sanction kar diya par stand nikaalne ke liye hukam diya Youngster went up to the Old Man and asked for the reason for this order The CO replied Lesson for you Young man Fauj Mein Ek Cheez Hi Possible Hai CAREER Ya STAND Agar STAND Loge Toh CAREER Khatam Aur Agar CAREER Banana Hai Toh Kabhi STAND Mat Lena make your choice

Toward the end of Sunday service the Minister asked How many of you have forgiven your enemies? 80% held up their hands The Minister then repeated his question All responded this time except one small elderly lady Mrs Neely are you not willing to forgive your enemies? I don t have any She replied smiling sweetly Mrs Neely that is very unusual How old are you? Ninety-eight she replied The congregation stood up and clapped their hands Oh Mrs Neely would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world? The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle faced the congregation and said I outlived the bitches

After working his farm every day an old farmer rarely had time to enjoy the large pond in the back that he had fixed up years earlier with picnic tables horseshoe courts and benches So one evening he decided to go down and see how things were holding up Much to his surprise he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee As he came closer he saw it was a group of young women skinny dipping in his pond He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end One of the women shouted to him We re not coming out until you leave The old farmer replied I didn t come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked I only came down to feed the alligato

एक माक्खी गजें कै सिर पै जा बैठी
दुसरी बोली वाह क्या घर मिला है
मक्खी बोली कहां घर है बहन जी अभी तो सिर्फ प्लॉट खरीदा है