A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield A big Army car came up with a General seated in the back The sentry said Halt who goes there? The chauffeur a corporal says General Wheeler I m sorry I can t let you through You ve got to have a sticker on the windshield The general said Drive on The sentry said Hold it You really can t come through I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker The general repeated I m telling you son drive on The sentry walked up to the rear window and said General I m new at this Do I shoot you or the the driver?

The man of the house finally took all his family s disabled umbrellas to the repair shop Two days later on the way to his office when he got up to leave the streetcar he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him The women cried Stop thief and rescued her umbrella which covered the man with shame and confusion The same day he stopped at the repair shop and received all eight of his umbrellas duly repaired As he entered a streetcar with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm he was horrified to behold the lady of his morning adventure glaring at him Her voice came to him charged with withering scorn Huh Had a good day didn t you

For thirty years Smith had arrived at work at 9 A M on the dot He had never missed a day and was never late Consequently when on one particular day 9 A M passed without Smith s arrival it caused a sensation All work ceased and the boss himself looking at his watch and muttering came out into the corridor Finally precisely at Ten Smaith showed up clothes dusty and torn his face scratched and bruised his glasses bent He limped painfully to the time clock punched in and said aware that all eyes were upon him I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway Nearly killed myself And the boss said And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?

As the old man lies dying in the bedroom out in the parlor the family discusses funeral arrangements Son Gary says We ll make a real big thing out of it We ll have five hundred people We ll order fifty limos Daughter Grace says Why do you want to waste money like that? We ll have the family and maybe a few friends One limo just for us They proceed Grandson Jeff says We ll have lots of flowers We ll surround him with dozens of roses and lilies dozens and dozens Daughter Alice says What a waste We ll have one little bouquet that s enough Suddenly the voice of the old man is heard wafting weakly from the bedroom Why don t you get me my pants? I ll walk to the cemetery

Discoveries and Inventions by Men And Women Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP Men discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS Women discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE Women discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE Men discovered TRADING and invented MONEY Women discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING Thereafter Men have discovered and invented a lot of things While Women STUCK to shopping

सोते हुए अभिषेक के बालों में उँगलियाँ फेरते हुए ऐश्वर्या सोच रही थी
फ्लॉप है तो क्या हुआ कम से कम जेल तो नहीं जायेगा

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office What is your name? was the first thing the manager asked the new guy John the new guy replied The manager scowled Look I don t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before but I don t call anyone by their first name It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith Jones Baker - that s all I am to be referred to only as Mr Robertson Now that we got that straight what is your last name? The new guy sighed and said Darling My name is John Darling Okay John the next thing I want to tell you is

The passenger sat in the backseat clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets weaving in and out of traffic The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down he actually accelerated as he approached the truck He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side Driver the passenger screamed Are you trying to get us both killed? Relax lady he said just do what I do Close your eyes

A girl was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew that she was not speeding Just to be sure she went around the block and passed the same spot driving even more slowly but again the camera flashed Now she began to think that this was quite funny so she drove even slower as she passed the area once more but the traffic camera again flashed She tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while she rolled past at a snail s pace Two weeks later she got five challans for driving without a seat belt O Womaniya Aa ha Womaniya

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office What is your name? was the first thing the manager asked the new guy Bobby the new guy replied The manager scowled Look I don t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before but I don t call anyone by their first name It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith Jones Baker - that s all I am to be referred to only as Mr Robertson Now that we got that straight what is your last name? The new guy sighed and said Darling My name is Bobby Darling Okay Bobby the next thing I want to tell you is

A hooded robber burst into a Bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber s face The robber shot the customer without a moment s hesitation He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him The robber instantly shot him also Everyone else by now very scared looked intently down at the floor in silence The Robber yelled Well did anyone else see my face? There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said My wife got a good look at you

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter`s birthday and he hadn`t bought her a present He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager How much is that new Barbie in the window? The Manager replied Which one? We have `Barbie goes to the gym`for 19 95 `Barbie goes to the Ball` for 19 95 `Barbie goes shopping for 19 95 `Barbie goes to the beach` for 19 95 `Barbie goes to the Nightclub` for 19 95 and `Divorced Barbie` for 375 00 Why is the Divorced Barbie 375 00 when all the others are 19 95? Dad asked surprised Divorced Barbie comes with Ken`s car Ken`s House Ken`s boat Ken`s dog Ken`s cat and Ken`s furniture

Customer: I d like to buy some dog food Salesman: Do you have a dog? Customer: Yes Salesman: Where is he? Customer: He s at home Salesman: I m sorry I can t sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog Store policy The next day the same customer returns Customer: I d like to buy some cat food Salesman: Do you have a cat? Customer: Yes Salesman: Well…where is she? Customer: She s at home Salesman: Sorry I can t sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat The next day the customer returns again Salesman: What s in the sack? Customer: Put your hand inside Salesman: Hmmm…It s warm and moist What is it? Customer: I would like to buy some toilet pape

In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track Though no one was killed the driver took the train company to court At the trial the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he d done it The court believed his story and the suit was dismissed Congratulations the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over You did superbly under cross-examination Thanks he said but he sure had me worried How s that? the lawyer asked I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas She s down to her last 50 Exasperated she exclaims What rotten luck What in the world should I do now? A man standing next to her trying to calm her down suggests I don t know Why don t you play your age? He walks away Moments later his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table Maybe she won He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd The lady is lying limp on the floor with the table operator kneeling over her The man is stunned He asks What happened? Is she all right? The operator replies I don t know She put all her money on 29 When 36 came up then she just fainted