Murphy asked Paddy how he got his black eye You d never believe it said Paddy but I got it in church He said he had been sitting behind a fat lady and when they all stood for a hymn he noticed her dress was creased into the cheeks of her bum All I did was lean forward and pull it out and she turned round and hit me said Paddy It was a week later and Shamus was surprised to see Paddy had another black eye I got it in church he began to explain He said he found himself behind the same fat woman and when they stood for the hymn her dress was once again creased into the cheeks of her bum My little nephew reached forward and pulled it out But I know she didn t like that so I leaned over and tucked it back

Lady: Do you smoke? Man: Yes Lady: How many packs? Man: 3 packs daily Lady: How much is per pack for your brand? Man: 8 a pack Lady: And how long have you been smoking? Man: Almost 18 years Lady: So one pack costs 8 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at 720 In one year it would be 8640 Correct? Man: Correct Lady: If in 1 year you spend 8640 you collectively spent 155 520 Correct? Man: Correct Lady: Do you know that if you hadn t smoked that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 18 years you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you smoke? Lady: No Man: Where s your freaking Ferrari then?

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog For the first experiment they cut one of the dog s legs off then they told the dog to walk The dog got up and walked so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs For the second experiment they cut off a second leg from the dog then they told the dog once more to walk The dog was still able to walk with only two legs For the third experiment they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk However the dog wasn t able to walk with only one leg As a result of these three experiments the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it s hearing after having three legs cut off

Robert was sitting in a bar looking thoroughly miserable After a while the customer at the next table said Excuse me but you look really depressed What s the problem? You may well ask sighed Robert I ll tell you what the problem is My mother died in March and left me 10 000 dollars Gee thats tough said the customer sympathetically Then in April continued Robert my father died leaving me 50 000 dollars Im real sorry to hear that said the customer Losing two parents in two months - no wonder youre depressed And last month added Robert my aunt died left me 15 000 dollars The customer shook his head in pity: How terrible Three close family members lost in three months Then this month said Robert Nothing

पुलीस - हमें आपके घर की तलाशी लेना है
सुना है आपके घर में विस्फोटक सामग्री है
चिरकुट - खबर तो पक्की है पर अभी वो माइके गयी है

An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane At the French customs desk the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag “You have been to France before monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously “Then you should know enough to have your passport ready ” The American said The last time I was here I didn t have to show it Impossible Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look Well when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-day in 1944 to help liberate this country I couldn t find any Frenchmen to show it to

वो बोली मेरी गली मे ना आया कर मेरे भाई पकड़ लेंगे तेरे को
मैं बोला मुझे कभी Temple Run वाला बंदर नहीं पकड़ सका तेरे भाई क्या चीज है
er kasz

After a tiring day a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes As the train rolled out of the station the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: Hi sweetheart its Eric I am on the train Yes I know it s the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting No honey not with that blonde from the accounts office It was with the boss No sweetheart you re the only one in my life Yes I m sure cross my heart Fifteen minutes later he was still talking loudly When the young woman sitting next to him had enough she leaned over and said into the phone Eric hang up the phone and come back to bed Eric doesn t use his cell phone in public any longe

The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone Not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago) but because nobody else could use the phone So as a happy solution he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing Two or three days after her telephone had been installed he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser Why are you using our telephone? he yelled Why aren t you talking on your own telephone? I can t she said I m expecting an important call on my phone

पहले Holiday में स्लीपर सेल
फिर Baby में आतंकवाद
और अब Gabbar में भ्रष्टाचार
सरकार से ज्यादा तो अक्षय कुमार देश के हित में काम कर रहे है

During a commercial airline flight a Navy Chief was seated next to a young mother with a baby in arms When her baby began crying during the descent for landing the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible The Chief pretended not to notice and upon debarking he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles When the young mother expressed her gratitude he responded Gosh that s a good looking baby and he sure was hungry Somewhat embarrassed the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby s ears The Chief sadly shook his head and in true Sailor fashion exclaimed And all these years I ve been chewing gum

Dear Manager Thank you for your letter of April 25th After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a position in your company This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals Despite your companies outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time Therefore I will assume the position in your department this August I look forward to seeing you then Best of luck in rejecting future applicants Sincerely Interviewee

What happened? asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed Well I went to the Amusement Park at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster As we came up to the top of the highest loop I noticed a little sign by the side of the track I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn`t make it out I was so curious that I decided to go round again but we went by so quickly that I couldn`t see what the sign said By now I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time As we reached the top I stood up in the car to get a better view And did you manage to see what the sign said this time? asked the visitor Yes What did it say? Don`t stand up in the ca

A young guy and girlfriend were sitting on a low stone wall holding hands and just gazing out over the loch For several minutes they sat silently then finally the girl looked at the boy and said A penny for your thoughts Well uh I was thinkin perhaps it s about time for a kiss The girl blushed then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek Then he blushed Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch After a while the girl spoke again Another penny for your thoughts honey The young man knit his brow Well now he said my thoughts are a bit more serious this time Really? said the girl in a whisper filled with anticipation Don t you think it s about time you pay me that first penny? said the guy

Parvinder and Habib are beggars They beg in different areas of London Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every day Parvinder brings home a suitcase full of £10 notes drives a Mercedes lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend Habib says to Parvinder I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day? Parvinder says Look at your sign what does it say ? Habib s sign reads: I have no work a wife and 6 kids to support Parvinder says No wonder you only get £2- £3 Habib says So what does your sign say ? Parvinder s sign reads: I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan