सँता को वोडाफोन मे ओपरेटर की जाँब मिली
मगर सँता को पहले ही दिन बहुत मार पङी ओर निकाल दिया गया
क्योकि
पहला काँलरः सर मेरी वोडाफोन की सिम खराब हो गई
सँताः तो पागल एरयटेल की ले ले

लड़का- 50 का रिचार्ज करवा दूं
लड़की- नहीं कराना
लड़का सोचता है वाओ लड़की कितनी अच्छी और समझदार है
लड़का- चल ठीक है और कोई काम हो तो बताना
लड़की- यार वो एक ऑफर आया है 500 में 550 का टॉकटाइम

मोदी जी की दुसरे देशों से मित्रता स्थापित करने वाली विदेश नीति से प्रभावित होकर आज मैंने भी
15 विदेशी लड़कियों को फ्रेंड रिक्वेस्ट भेजी हैं उम्मीद करता हूँ दोस्ती स्वीकार की जाएगी

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints [purportedly practicing the perfect pucker] Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it He gathered all the girls together who wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2 pm They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was to remove the waxy lipstick and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean The custodian then demonstrated He took a long brush on a handle out of a box He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirro

Harry was a poor tailor whose shop was next door a 2 Star Restaurant Every day for lunch Harry would eat his black bread and herring in the small garden at the back of his shop He would always smell the wonderful odours emanating from the next door restaurant s kitchen One day the restaurant sent Harry an invoice Harry went to see the manager to ask why The manager replied You’re enjoying my food so you should pay for it Harry refused to pay and the restaurant sued him At the hearing the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the story They said Every day this man comes and sits near our kitchen and visibly smells our food whilst eating his We are obviously adding value to his cheap food and we deserve to be recompensed for it The judge then asked Harry And what do you have to say about that? Harry said nothing but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled around the coins he had inside The judge asked him What’s the meaning of that? Harry replied I am paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money

लड़के ने एक लड़की को कॉल की और कहा; लड़का: जान आई लव यू! लड़की: सच्ची? लड़का: हां यार! लड़की: अच्छा तो चलो मेरा 100 रुपए का रिचार्ज करवा दो! लड़का: क्या यार अब तो मतलब बहन के साथ मजाक भी नहीं कर सकते!

Employee: Excuse me sir may I talk to you? Boss: Sure come on in What can I do for you? Employee: Well sir as you know I have been an employee of this prestigious Firm for over ten years Boss: Yes Employee: I won t beat around the bush Sir I would like a raise I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise but this is just not the right time Employee: I understand your position and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales but you must also take into consideration my hard work pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade Boss: Taking into account these factors and considering I don t want to start a brain drain I m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time How does that sound? Employee: Great It s a deal Thank you sir Boss: Before you go just out of curiosity what companies were after you? Employee: Oh the Electric Company Gas Company Water Company And the Mortgage Company

Defferences betwee You and your boss When you take a long time you`re slow When your boss takes a long time he`s thorough When you don`t do it you`re lazy When your boss doesn`t do it he`s too busy When you make a mistake you`re an idiot When your boss makes a mistake he`s only human When doing something without being told you`re overstepping your authority When your boss does the same thing that`s initiative When you take a stand you`re being pig-headed When your boss does it he`s being firm When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette you`re being rude When your boss skips a few rules he`s being original When you please your boss you`re arse-creeping When your boss pleases his boss he`s being co-operative When you`re out of the office you`re wandering around When your boss is out of the office he`s on business When you`re on a day off sick you`re always sick When your boss has a day off sick he must be very ill When you apply for leave you must be going for an interview When your boss applies for leave it`s because he`s overworked

An unhappy-looking old man had stood in the long gift return line at the store Finally he made it to the counter with his package The clerk observing his stubble of day-old beard spotted here and there by bits of stuck-on toilet paper asked if he could help him The old man brought out the item he wished to exchange an electric razor My son bought me this newfangled shaver complained the fellow and he said it would let me shave in half the time with less cuts than my old straight razor I tried it this morning and it took almost a half hour and it pulled out more hair than it cut I want a refund The patient clerk took the electric shaver and looked it over seeing clumps of wiry facial hair sticking out of the screen Let s see if we can tell what the problem might be After turning it over and trying to switch it on he removed the base and found that there were no batteries in it Asked the clerk Did you try some new batteries before taking them out? The grizzled old farmer squinted his eyes and rubbed his rough face then asked It needs batteries?

Side effects of alcohol and remedies 1 Symptom: Cold and humid feet Cause- Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet) Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward 2 Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights Cause : You re lying on the floor Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor 3 Symptom- The floor looks blurry Cause : You re looking through an empty glass Cure: Quickly refill your glass 4 Symptom: The floor is moving Cause : You re being dragged away Cure: At least ask where they re taking you 5 Symptom-You hear echoes every time someone speaks Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself 6 Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny Cause : You re in the wrong house Cure -Ask if they can point you to your house 7 Symptom: The room is shaking a lot everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive Cause : You re in an ambulance Cure- Don t move Let the professionals do their jo

There were three Eskimos in Alaska and one time while they were at their local bar they got to talk about how cold it was outside and how cold their igloos were They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest so they decided to determine who indeed had the coldest igloo They went to the first Eskimo`s igloo where he said Watch this and poured a cup of water into the air Well the water froze in midair and fell onto the floor solid Not bad said the other Eskimos but each maintained their igloo was colder still So they went to the second Eskimo`s igloo and he said Watch this and took a big breath and exhaled whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor Wow that`s colder than mine said the first Eskimo But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still So they ended up at the third Eskimo`s igloo He said Watch this and went into the bedroom threw back the thick furs and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there He took it put it in a spoon and held a match under it When it heated up enough it went FFFAAAARRRRTTT

At one local church Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings One Sunday after the services the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated So he questioned Joe He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation Joe said that he did not take any of the offering The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering So the priest said Get in the confessional which Joe did Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this time he said I can t hear you Again the priest asked Joe did you take any of the offering? Again Joe answered I can t hear you This time the priest yelled JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING? Again Joe answered I can t hear you By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a question So they traded places and Joe asked I hear that you and my wife are having an affair is that true? To which the priest answered By Golly you can t hear in here

While cruising at 40 000 feet the airplane shuddered and George looked out of the window Good lord he screamed one of the engines just blew up Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side The passengers were in a panic now and even the stewardesses couldn t maintain order Just then standing tall and smiling confidently the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft There he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants Each crew member attached the package to their backs Say spoke up an alert passenger aren t those parachutes? The pilot said they were The passenger went on But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about? There isn t replied the pilot as a third engine exploded We re going to get help

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress s there have low cut blouses and great figures 10 years later at 50 years of age the group again discusses where they should meet Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and they have a fine wine selection 10 years later at 60 years of age the group again discusses where they should meet Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smokefree 10 years later at 70 years of age the group again discusses where they should meet Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator 10 years later at 80 years of age the group again discusses where they should meet Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they have never been there before

An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises As the gentleman had a rare type of blood it couldn t be found locally So the call went out to a number of countries Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab After the surgery the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood a new Hummer diamonds lapiz lazuri jewellery and a million US dollars A year later the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again After the second surgery the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati s kind gesture as he had anticipated He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner The Arab replied Bapu now I have Gujju blood in my veins