लडका - कल से हम कहीं और मिलेंगे
लडकी - क्यों
लडका - बडे जालिम हैँ बच्चेँ तेरी गली के
लडकी - कयों क्या हुआ बताओ भी
लडका -कमीने कुत्ते पीछे लगा देते हैँ और फिर गाना गाते हैँ
जब प्यार किया तो डरना क्या

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening They turned on a night light turned the answering machine on the phone line covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house They don t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat The cat runs upstairs the man in hot pursuit The wife doesn t want the driver to know the house will be empty She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon He s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab Sorry I took so long he says as they drive away Stupid was hiding under the bed I Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me But it worked I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard The cabdriver hit a parked ca

His and Her ATM usage explained: HIS 1 Pull up to ATM 2 Insert card 3 Enter PIN number and account 4 Take cash card and receipt HER 1 Pull up to ATM 2 Check makeup in rearview mirror 3 Shut off engine 4 Put keys in purse 5 Get out of car b/c you re too far from machine 6 Hunt for card in purse 7 Insert card 8 Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it 9 Enter PIN number 10 Study instructions for at least 2 minutes 11 Hit cancel 12 Re-enter correct PIN number 13 Check balance 14 Look for envelope 15 Look in purse for pen 16 Make out deposit slip 17 Endorse checks 18 Make deposit 19 Study instructions 20 Make cash withdrawal 21 Get in car 22 Check makeup 23 Look for keys 24 Start car 25 Check makeup 26 Start pulling away 27 STOP 28 Back up to machine 29 Get out of car 30 Take card and receipt 31 Get back in car 32 Put card in wallet 33 Put receipt in checkbook 34 Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35 Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 36 Check makeup 37 Put car in gear reverse 38 Put car in drive 39 Drive away from machine 40 Travel 3 miles 41 Release parking brake

Law of equality: The time taken by a wife when she says I ll get ready in 5 minutes is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says I ll call you in 5 minutes Law of Queue: If you change queues the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now Law of Telephone: When you dial a wrong number you never get a busy tone Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch Law of the Workshop: Any tool when dropped will roll to the least accessible corner Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water the telephone rings Law of Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don t want to be seen with Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won t work it will Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach Theatre Rule: People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last Law of Proposal: After you accept a proposal you will get a better one Law of getting late: When you reach early for something it will never start on time

John was on his way to work He got on his bus and sat down After a while there is a small bump John; What was that? Driver; It was a cat John; Why did you run it over? Driver; Well it was either that or swerve into the tree at the side of the road and kill us all John; Oh fair enough A little farthur down the road the bus swerves suddenly and a bigger bump shakes the bus John; What was that ? Driver; It was a dog John; Why did you run it over? Driver I couldn`t help it I tried to swerve but I hit it by accident John; That`s awful but I suppose you did try to swerve The bus continued on its journey but later on it swerved again and there was a small bump followed by a large thud John; What is it this time? Driver; I hit an old lady John; Oh my god Is she alright? Driver; No she`s lying in a pool of blood by the side of the road John; I can`t believe this Why did this have to happen on my journey The driver called for an ambulence and the bus set off again When John got off the bus he asked the driver: If the big bump was the old lady what was the small one? The driver simply replied I had to go on the pavement to get he

‪बचपन‬ में ही मास्टर ने मेरी प्रतिभा मेहनत लगनशीलता‪ व्यवहारिकता‬ कार्यकुशलता ऊर्जा और ‪जुझारुपन‬ को देख के
भविष्यवाणी कर दी थी की बेटा तू बड़ा हो कै घर‬ आला का नास‬ करेगा तेरे और कुछ ‪बस‬ का नि स

भूगोल की मैडम बहुत दुबली पतली थी
एक दिन वो क्लास में पाठ दोहरा रही थी
बोलो बच्चों धरती घुमती हुई क्यों नज़र आती है
तभी टिल्लुआ बोला मैडम जी कछु ख़ा लेवे करो
बिना खाये आवोगी तो धरती ऐसे ही घूमेगी

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost He reduced altitude and spotted a man below He descended a bit more and shouted Excuse me can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don`t know where I am The man below replied You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude You must be an engineer said the balloonist I am replied the man How did you know? Well answered the balloonist everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost Frankly you`ve not been much help so far The man below responded You must be a manager I am replied the balloonist but how did you know? Well said the man on the ground you don`t know where you are or where you are going You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but now somehow it`s my fault

A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him Sir why don t you take the day off today he said I ve heard your lecture so many times by now I know it by heart I can give the lecture and you can just sit back and relax The scientist thought this was a great idea since he was sick and tired of giving the exact same lecture over and over again When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur s hat and seated himself in the back of the lecture hall His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist would At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked just as his master always does Are there any questions? One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very complicated and highly theoretical matter The chauffeur was panicking silently but finally managed to pull himself together That professor is a very simple question he answered in fact it is so simple even my chauffeur can answer it

Three Soldiers had just gotten out of the Army and decided to celebrate by taking a helicopter ride One of the soldiers is eating a banana and says I wonder if we’d be able to see it land if I threw the peel out? Out goes the peel and they all watch it but don’t see it land One of the others has a rock and says This is bigger we should be able to see it land They all watch but don’t see it land The last one takes a grenade out of his pocket pulls the pin and tosses it out of the door We’ll see that when it hits They watch but still nothing Walking home they see a little girl crying and they ask what’s wrong? Well I was walking and slipped on a banana peel that came from nowhere The soldiers explain what happened and are helping the girl home when they see a little boy sitting on the side of the road holding his head They ask what happened? I was walking when a rock hit me on the head They tell the story again and start to wonder what happened to the grenade One of them races ahead and sees an old lady laughing hysterically He asks what’s so funny? The old lady says I just farted and my house blew up

Peter walks into an insurance office and asks for a job We don t need anyone they replied You can t afford not to hire me I can sell anyone anytime anything Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell If you can sell just one you have a job He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks one for 25 000 00 and another for 50 000 00 How in the world did you do that ? they asked I told you I m the worlds best salesman I can sell anyone anywhere anytime Did you get a urine sample? they asked him What s that? he asked Well if you sell a policy over 20 000 00 the company requires a urine sample Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples Peter was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when he walks in with two five gallon buckets one in each hand He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says Here s Mr George s and this one is Mr Robert s Thats good they said but what s in those two buckets? Well I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a teachers convention so I stopped and sold them a group policy

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland She found herself seated next to a nice priest to whom she said Excuse me Father could I ask a favor? Of course What can I do for you? Here s the problem I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs Do you think you could hide it under your cassock? Of course I could my child but you must realize that I will not lie You have such an honest face Father I am sure they will not ask you any questions and she gave him the hair remover The aircraft arrived at its destination When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked Father do you have anything to declare? From the top of my head to my sash I have nothing to declare my son he replied Finding this reply strange the customs officer asked And from the sash down what do you have? The priest replied I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women but which has never been used Breaking out in laughter the customs officer said Go ahead Father Next

Q1 In which battle did Napoleon die? Answer: his last battle Q2 Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? Answer: at the bottom of the page Q3 River Ravi flows in which state? Answer: Liquid Q4 What is the main reason for divorce? Answer: Marriage Q5 What is the main reason for failure? Answer: Exams Q6 What can you never eat for breakfast? Answer: Lunch dinner Q7 What looks like half an apple? Answer: The other half Q8 If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? Answer: It will simply become wet Q9 How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? Answer: No problem he sleeps at night Q10 How can you lift an elephant with one hand? Answer: You will never find an elephant that has only one hand Q11 If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand what would you have ? Answer: Very large hands Q12 If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall how long would it take four men to build it? Answer: No time at all the wall is already built Q13 How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? Answer: Any way you want concrete floors are very hard to crack

A father walks into a market with his young son The kid is holding a Rupee coin Suddenly the boy starts choking and gasping for breath The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking shouting for help A well dressed serious looking woman is sitting at a tea stall in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of tea At the sound of the commotion she looks up puts her Tea cup down neatly folds the newspaper places it on the counter gets up from her seat and makes her way unhurried across the market Reaching the boy the woman carefully takes hold of the boy s testicles and starts to squeeze gently at first and then ever more firmly After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin which the woman deftly catches in her free hand Releasing the boy she hands the coin to the father and walks back to the Tea stall without saying a word As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying I ve never seen anybody do anything like that before it was fantastic Are you a doctor? No the woman replied I work for the Income Tax Dept

In the past few years: 1 I learnt to operate 3 critical machines: Scanner Printer Xerox Machine 2 I learnt to use 3 High End Software: Microsoft Word Microsoft Excel Microsoft PowerPoint 3 I learnt to use 3 great short cuts: Ctrl+C Ctrl+V Ctrl+S 4 I learnt to say three very imp words for professional life: Yes sir Ok sir I ll Just Do That sir 5 When I really wanted to quit I learnt to: Wake Up early Sleep late Continue to Work 6 I learnt to: Face Monday Fight For 5 Days Wait For Friday 7 I learnt to give reasons to family friends and relatives for not making: Phone Calls Messages Mails 8 I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones: Birthday New Year Festivals 9 In last one year People say: You Learnt You Earned You Enjoyed 10 But when I compare me with my self I just Sustained I just Tolerated I just Survived for bucks 11 I have survived: For convenience of my Family To avoid blame of Society To get tag of Employment 12 When I already knew that I have got the wrong train I learnt to Rejoice To be Happy To Smile I learnt that corporate life and dreams can never meet Because when they meet both will lose their meaning