An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him Sir what is the secret of your long life? The man considered this for a moment then replied Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port Good for the heart I ve heard The reporter replied That s ALL? The man smiled That and canceling my voyage on the Titanic
During a practical exercise at a military police base the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self- defense After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves he asked a student What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large sharp knife? The student replied BIG ones
CEO was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn t getting any respect Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read I m the Boss He then taped it to his office door Later that day when he returned from lunch he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: Your wife called she wants her sign back
Several weeks after a young man had been hired he was called into the personnel manager`s office What is the meaning of this? the manager asked When you applied for the job you told us you had 5 years` experience Now we discover this is the first job you`ve ever had Well the young man said in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination
I m ashamed of the way we live a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job My father pays our rent My mother buys all of our food My sister buys our clothes My aunt bought us a car I m just so ashamed The husband rolled over on the couch You should be ashamed he agreed Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent
A young freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission During a briefing on land mines the captain asked for questions Our intrepid soldier raised his hand and asked If we do happen to step on a mine Sir what do we do? Normal procedure Lieutenant is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area
Linda whose daughter had just given birth to a beautiful healthy baby showed up for a lunch date looking less cheerful than Jill expected What s wrong Jill asked Are you depressed by the fact that you re a grandmother? Linda responded with a barely perceptible smile No she said It s just that I m not crazy about having to sleep with a grandfathe
मुझे इतना भी मत घुमा ए जिंदगी
मै शहर का शायर हूँ MRF का टायर नही
A beggar knocked on the door of a house What do you want? said the owner Can you spare some money to help a poor person? said the beggar But as soon he was given a few coins and told to go on his way the beggar complained Your son gave me twice as much when I called here last week Well my son can afford to said the owner he has a very rich fathe
An irate old lady called the newspaper office loudly demanding to know where her Sunday paper was Madam said the newspaper employee Today is Saturday The Sunday edition is not delivered until tomorrow Sunday There was a long pause on the other end of the line Then she was heard to mutter Well darn that explains why no one was at church this morning
A husband had always been disdainful of people who in his estimation talk too much Recently he proudly told his wife he’d heard that men use 2200 words a day while women use 4400 The wife thought about that a moment then concluded That`s because women have to repeat everything they say to their husbands to which he looked up and asked Come again?
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says John I m 83 years old now and I m just full of aches and pains I know you re about my age How do you feel? John says I feel just like a newborn baby Really ? Like a newborn baby ? Yep No hair no teeth and I think I just wet my pants
It was rush hour and when the bus finally arrived it was packed I tried to force my way on but no one would budge although there was more than ample room in the back Then the bus driver took over Excuse me Ladies and Gentlemen he shouted Will all the beautiful smart people please move to the back of the bus and all the ugly stupid people stay up front
A Dutch visitor to the States was chatting with an American friend and was jokingly explaining about the Red White and Blue of Netherland s Flag: You see Our flag symbolises our taxes he said We get red when we talk about them white when we get our tax bill and blue after we pay them Hey That s the same with us replied the American only we see stars too
The warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot said I would like to know two things First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell? One of the three men stepped forward Warden we rebelled because the food is awful I see And what did you use to break the bars? The warden asked Replied the spokesman French Toast
