An old guy (not in the best of shape) was attempting to work out at the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing He asked the trainer who was nearby What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there? The trainer looked him up and down and said I would try the ATM in the lobby
A man was shocked to see his beautiful divorced neighbor knocking on his door one Friday evening I m feeling so lonely that I can t stand it she said I want to go out get drunk want to enjoy my life Are you free tonight? Yes he replied enthusiastically Wonderful she said Would you watch my kids?
Do ladies ek aam ke ped neeche baith kar kaafi der se baatein kar rahi thi Tabhi achanak ped se ek aam neeche gira Pehli lady: Arrey ye aam apne aap kaise gir gaya? Is se pehle ki second lady kuch bolti Aam khud haath jod kar bol pada: Behan ji itni der se aapki baatein sun sun kr mein pak gaya hun
With a pile of 300 resumes on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly my boss told me to make calls on the bottom 50 and toss the rest Throw away 250 resumes? I asked shocked What if the best candidates are in there? You have a point he said But then again I don t need people with bad luck here
This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign When the cop checked the man s driver s license he said You re wearing glasses on your ID and you re not now I m going to give you a ticket The guy said Officer I have contacts The cop said Look buddy I don t care who you know I m giving you a ticket
Resolving to surprise her husband an executive s wife stops by his office As she walks in unannounced she finds his secretary sitting on his lap Without hesitating he begins to dictated a letter: And in conclusion gentlemen budget cut or not I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chai
A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant The onion soup gets to her and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart Trying to save face she says to the waiter Please stop that immediately Certainly madame replies the waiter with a bow Which way was it headed?
The CEO returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up on Friday Everybody laughed uproariously except on girl What s the matter? Grumbled the boss Haven t you got a sense of humour? I don t have to laugh she replied I m leaving on Friday
A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot looking for a space Obviously frazzled she coasted through a stop sign Hey lady have you forgotten how to stop? yelled an irate man She rolled down her window and yelled back What makes you think these are all mine?
A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails She was advised by a friend to take up yoga She did and soon her fingernails started growing normally Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her problem No she replied but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead
A harsh and demanding instructor was lecturing his class on the importance of being wide awake I personally have found the most effective way to start my day is to take a cold shower he said Then I feel rosy all over A bored male student voice called out from the back of the class Tell us more about Rosie
Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend Her mom wanted to help her so she set up a blind date for her daughter When the girl got back from the date she said That was the worst night of my life Why is that? her mom asked He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce Isn t that a good thing? He s the original owner mom
A Pakistani tourist walks in to a top of the line hotel in Dubai and orders a top floor suite The next day he approaches the receptionist with angry and unpleasant expression he asked her: You said their will be a free wife in every room why I have not got mine The receptionist says It is Wi-Fi sir not wife
Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend Her mom wanted to help her so she set up a blind date for her daughter When the girl got back from the date she said: That was the worst night of my life Why is that? her mom asked He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce Isn t that a good thing? He s the original owner mom
A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes How do they feel? asks the sales clerk Well they feel a bit tight replies the man The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man s feet Try pulling the tongue out the clerk says Well theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth
