A Captain asked a sailor Where did your father die? He drowned at sea And your grandfather? At sea too Aren’t you afraid of the sea? The sailor retorted Sir where did your father die? In bed And your grandfather? In bed too Sir aren’t you afraid to go to bed every night where your father and grandfather died?
A girl brought home a man who was naked except for a loincloth He had a painted face feathered headgear and a spear in one hand Father I have married the type of man you always wanted me to marry One look at his son-in-law and the father recoiled in horror I had asked you to marry a Rich Doctor not a Witch Doctor he sputtered
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up Oh we`ll never need that My husband and I have a great relationship the wife explained He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts He communicates really well and I just act as if I`m listening
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks Reverend you re a man of God can t you do something about this storm? To which he replies Lady I m in sales not management
A man applied for a job as an industrial spy Together with several other applicants he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor As soon as the man was alone he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the envelope Inside a message read: You`re our kind of person Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office
Boy: Hiii Girl: What? Boy: How are you? Girl: Do I know you? Boy: Am RICH Girl: Oh My name is Mary but you can call me BABY Am 19 and I stay in Lekki I love short dark men like you and am glad to meet you So when are we going out? Boy: No No No Rich is my name It s the short form of Richard Girl: Sorry I don t talk to strangers
A man calls his mother in Florida Mom how are you? Not too good says the mother I`ve been very weak The son says Why are you so weak? She says Because I haven`t eaten in 38 days The man says That`s terrible Why haven`t you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers Because I didn`t want my mouth to be full of food if you should call
A lot of ladies used to sit together every evening in a park and talk non stop One day they were sitting very very quietly A gentleman who would walk past the noisy group every day was surprised to see them all so quiet He inquired about this to which they replied You see today we are ALL present so we don t know who to gossip about
Sam and Pam live in a retirement home One day as they are sitting on a bench under a tree Sam turns to Pam and says Pam I m 85 years old and I m full of aches and pains You re about my age How do you feel? Pam replies I feel just like a new-born baby Really? Like a baby? Yes replies Pam no hair no teeth and I think I just wet myself
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water That customer`s going to come back here pretty mad he said to his boss Should I give him his money back? Money back? roared the boss What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat
A lot of ladies used to sit together every evening in a park and talk non stop One day they were sitting very very quietly A gentleman who would walk past the noisy group every day was surprised to see them all so quiet He inquired about this to which they replied You see today we are ALL present so we don t know who to gossip about
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Hopwell and took his portable keyboard along He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides When he finished he said in farewell I hope you get better One elderly gentleman replied I hope you get better too
The car won t start said a wife to her husband I think there s water in the carburetor How do you know? said the husband scornfully You don t even know what the carburetor is I m telling you repeated the wife I m sure there s water in the carburetor We ll see mocked the husband Let me check it out Where s the car? In the swimming pool
I met a man who had been married for 66 years Amazing 66 years I said What`s the secret to such a long happy marriage? Well he replied It`s like this The man makes all the big decisions and the woman just makes the little decisions Really? I responded Does that really work? Oh yes he said proudly 66 years and so far not one big decision
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother he discovered a water pistol He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink I was not so pleased I turned to Mom and said `I`m surprised at you Don`t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?` Mom smiled and then replied `Oh I remember `
