A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother Granny what is a lover ? A lover the grandmother said Let me think Lov Lover Oh my God She rushed to the wall pulled aside the hanging rug revealing a hidden closet door She unlocked the door and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the closet
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas a man went to see a popular magic show After one especially amazing feat the man from the back of the theatre yelled How`d you do that? I could tell you sir the magician answered But then I`d have to kill you After a short pause the man yelled back Ok then Just tell my wife
A young lady came home from a date rather sad She told her mother Jeff proposed to me an hour ago Then why are you so sad? her mother asked Because he also told me he was an atheist Mom he doesn`t even believe there`s a hell Her mother replied Marry him anyway Between the two of us we`ll show him how wrong he is
After she woke up a woman told her husband I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine s day What do you think it means? You ll know tonight he said That evening the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife Delighted she opened it - to find a book entitled The Meaning of Dreams
A Marine walks in the restroom and sees a Sailor standing at the urinal fussing with the thirteen buttons on his pants The Marine says It must be a pain in the ass to have to mess with all those buttons every time you have to pee The sailor replies Yes it is If I were a Marine all I d have to do is take off my hat
One day after a man had his annual physical the doctor came out and said You had a great checkup Is there anything that you d like to talk about or ask me? Well he said I was thinking about getting a vasectomy That s a pretty big decision Have you talked it over with your family? Yeah and they re in favor 15 to 2
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom: Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars return to class
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions Professionally employed? he asked We re a military family the wife answered Children? Oh yes ages nine and twelve she answered proudly Animals? Oh no she said earnestly They re very well behaved
A car was involved in an accident in a street As expected a large crowd gathered A newspaper reporter eager to get his story could not get near the car Being a clever sort he started shouting loudly Let me through Let me through I am the son of the victim The crowd made way for him Lying in front of the car was a donkey
I bumped into an old school friend today He started showing off talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said She s beautiful isn t she? I said If you think she s gorgeous you should see my girlfriend He said Why? Is she a stunner? I said No she s an optician
A man who stuttered was asked why he did so It s my p-p-p-p-peculiarity he answered Everybody has s-s-s-some p-p-p-p-peculiarity I don t have any said the questioner Don t y-y-y-you s-s-stir your c-c-c-coffee with your r-r-r-right hand? Yes of course Th-that s your p-p-p-p-peculiarity Most p-p-p-people use a s-s-s-poon
My parents recently retired Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano so dad bought her a piano for her birthday A few weeks later I asked how she was doing with it Oh we returned the piano said My Dad I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead How come? I asked Because he answered with a clarinet she can t sing
The skydiving instructor was going through the question-and-answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question: If our chute doesn t open; and the reserve doesn t open how long would we have till we hit the ground? The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: The rest of your life
A group of tourists at Niagara Falls: Guide: I welcome you all to the Niagara Falls These are the world`s largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high that the sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing by can`t be heard Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls
Road Crossing Instructions in Pakistan Look both right and left for cars motorcycles animals and pedestrians; Look up for American drones; Look down for bombs and land mines; Look sideways and backwards for kidnappers and suicide bombers; Hold your bags tight and watch for every person near you; Then walk zigzag to avoid bullets
