Customer: What s the luncheon special today? Waiter: Beef tongue with onions Customer: Oh yuck I could never eat anything that was in a cow s mouth Waiter: Very well What will you have? Customer: Gimme a couple fried eggs

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour the Englishman was a bit dismayed Good heavens he said what is this? Why it s bean soup she replied I don t care where it s been he replied What is it now?

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool Everyone knows the mother lectured him that from time to time young children will urinate in a pool Oh really? said the lifeguard from the diving board ? ?

Distance between Chandigarh and Delhi = 260 kms Distance between Delhi and Chandigarh = 260 kms Ground Floor to 15thFloor = 15 floors 15th Floor to Ground Floor = 15 floors Monday to Friday = 5 days Friday to Monday = 2 days THIS IS CHEATING

Once Mickey Mouse wanted to read Ramayan so he goes to Ajeet Mickey : Mujhe Ramayan Padhni hai Ajeet : Koi baat nahi Raaabart isey wall pe chipka do Raaabert : Par baas isse kyaa hoga? Ajeet : Bevakuf wo Micky se Wall-Mickey(Valmiki) ho jayega

Is that the obituary section of the Clarion? asked the woman Yes madam can I help you? I d like to put a notice in reporting the death of my husband from gunshot wounds God gracious when did it happen? Just as soon as I find the cheating bugge

When was younger I hated going to weddings it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me poking me in the ribs and cackling telling me `You`re next ` They stopped that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time 1st Soldier: Why did you join the army? 2nd Soldier: I didn t have a wife and I loved war So I joined How about you? Why did you join the army? 1st Soldier: I joined because I had a wife and I loved peace

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers Where s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked? Contributed by:- Rajesh email address: -rajpuneyani hotmail com

Yo Mrs Miller said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks I m sorry do we know each other? I asked Yeah you were my English teacher Leaning over my husband whispered Good job Honey good jo

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her She leaned across to her husband and whispered I ve just let go a silent fart What do you think I should do? He said I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her She leaned across to her husband and whispered I ve just let go a silent fart What do you think I should do? He said I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid

Dear Lord: So far I ve done all right I haven t gossipped haven t lost my temper haven t been greedy grumpy nasty selfish or overindulgent I m really glad about that But in a few minutes God I m going to get out of bed And from then on I m going to need a lot more help

A beat cop calls the Crime Branch on telephone Hello Crime Branch? Yes This is Sergeant John Cop: Sir We have a case here A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean Sergeant: Have you arrested the woman? Cop: No sir The floor is still wet

An applicant was filling out a job application When he came to the question Have you ever been arrested? He wrote No The next question intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question was: Why? The applicant answered it anyway: Never got caught