A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard? Throw out an anchor Sir What would you do if another storm sprang up aft ? Throw out another anchor Sir And if another terrific storm sprang up forward what would you do? Throw out another anchor Hold on said the Captain where are you getting all your anchors from? From the same place you re getting your storms si
A college professor asked his class a question If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago how old am I One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said Professor your 44 The Professor said your absolutely correct but tell me how did you arrive at the answer so quickly? The student said You see professor I have a brother he`s 22 and he`s half nuts
A census taker in a rural Indian village went up to a farmhouse and knocked When a woman came to the door he asked her how many children she had and their ages She said Lets see now there s the twins Ballu and Lallu they re eighteen And the twins Seeta and Geeta they re sixteen And the twins Ram and Shyam they re fourteen Hold on said the census taker Did you get twins every time? The woman answered Heck no there were hundreds of times we didn t get anything
The mother went shopping with her small boy In the store the grocer invited Sunny to help himself to a handful of cherries But the boy seemed very backward Don`t you like cherries? the grocer asked Yes said the boy The grocer put his hand in and dumped a generous portion into the little fellow`s cap which he promptly held out Afterward his mother asked him why he had not taken the cherries when first invited Cause his hand was bigger than mine was the answe
Aboard a flight from L A to New York Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort When they landed in New York Grandma thanked the stewardess The chewing gum worked fine she said but tell me how do I get it out of my ears?
A young businessman had just started his own firm He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques However no business was coming in Sitting there worrying he saw a man come into the outer office Wanting to look busy he picked up the phone and pretended he was negotiating a big deal He spoke loudly about big figures and huge commitments Finally he put down the phone and asked the visitor Can I help you? The man said I ve come to install the phone
Boys are always Happy Creatures WHY? 1 Their last name stays with them forever 2 Phone conversations last just for 30 secs flat 3 A five day vacation requires only one jeans 4 If someone forgets to invite them he can still be their friend 5 The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades 6 They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes 7 They don t freak out when they go to a party and see another man wearing the same shirt instead they become buddies
This lady is terribly overweight so her doctor put her on a diet I want you to eat regularly for 2 days then skip a day and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks The next time I see you you ll have lost at least 5 pounds When the lady returns she s lost nearly 20 pounds Why that s amazing the doctor says Did you follow my instructions? The lady nods I ll tell you though I thought I was going to drop dead that third day From hunger you mean? No from skipping all day
A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower Help Help The tower came back and asked What`s the problem? The blind guy yelled Help me I`m blind the pilot is dead and we`re flying upside down The tower comes back and asked How do you know you`re upside down? Because the shit is running down my back
Son to his father Dear Dad chool i really great I am making lot of friend and tudying very hard With all my tuff I imply cannot think of anything I need o if you would like you can ju t end me a card a I would love to hear from you Love Your on Father replies Dear Son I kNOw that astroNOmy ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task and you can never study eNOugh Love Your Dad
Two Russian hunters meet I shot a gigantic bear yesterday says Ivan Look at the hide How do you find such huge bears? Sergei asks Easy says Ivan You stand in front of a cave and whistle When the bear comes out you shoot Weeks later the two meet again Sergei is covered in bandages Didn t you follow my advice? Ivan asks Sure I did I stood in front of a cave and whistled Sergei replies And what came out? To me says Sergei it looked like the Trans-Siberian Express
A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower Help Help The tower came back and asked What s the problem? The blind guy yelled Help me I m blind the pilot is dead and we re flying upside down The tower comes back and asked How do you know you re upside down? Because the shit is running down my back
Aboard an Air India flight from New Dehli to USA Grandma Santo was taking her very first flight They had only been aloft a few minutes when the old lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort When they landed in New York Grandma thanked the stewardess The chewing gum worked fine she said but tell me how do I get it out of my ears?
Several years ago a mother gave her son 2 quarters One was for his Sunday School offering The other was for an ice cream cone on the way home form Sunday Scholl Well Billy was flipping one quarter in the air and catching it on the way down This happened 8 times or so when all of a sudden the quarter was flopped into the air but Billy missed catching it It rolled down the storm sewer and was gone Billy looked skyward and prayed Sorry God that was your quarter ”
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland As they stopped at a cheese farm a young guide led them through the process of cheese making explaining that goat s milk was used She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing These she explained and the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce She then asked What do you do in America with your old goats? A spry old gentleman answered They send us on bus tours
