The day after a verdict had been entered against his client the lawyer rushed to the judge s chambers demanding that the case be reopened saying I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client s defense The judge asked What new evidence could you have? The lawyer replied My client has an extra Rs 5 00 000 and I just found out about it
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 and a photo of his car Instead of payment he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Several days later he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs
An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing A few minutes later the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready All set back here Captain came the reply except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards
A man goes into a bar he s really pissed off He sits down and orders a beer What s wrong? The barman asks him Lawyers are assholes he exclaims A huge redneck sitting next to him gets up prods him on the shoulder and slurs Mister ah take exception to that Looking him up-and-down the man is confused Why? Are you a Lawyer? he asks Nope replies the redneck I m an asshole
An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing A few minutes later the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready Is everyone set back there Captain Came the reply All except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards
A small uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined The lawyer thundered Have you ever been married? Yes sir said the witness in a low voice Once Whom did you marry? the lawyer demanded Well a woman the witness answered timidly The lawyer said angrily Of course you married a woman Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man? And the witness said meekly My sister did
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road The lawyer seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer who closed it and put it away Aren`t you going to have a drink yourself? asked the doctor Sure; after the police leave replied the lawye
A small uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined The lawyer thundered Have you ever been married? Yes sir said the witness in a low voice Once Whom did you marry? the lawyer demanded Well a woman the witness answered timidly The lawyer said angrily Of course you married a woman Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man? And the witness said meekly My sister did
Taking his seat in his chambers the judge faced the opposing lawyers So he said I have been presented by both of you with a bribe Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably You attorney Leon; gave me 15 000 And you attorney Campos gave me 10 000 The judge reached into his pocket pulled out a check He handed it to Leon Now then I m returning 5 000 we re going to decide this case solely on its merits
A prison governor is appalled by the poor standard of English used by the inmates of his prison To rectify this problem he decides to employ a teacher from the local grammar school to set up remedial English classes In the first lesson the teacher explains that she is going to start with the basics Who knows what always comes after a sentence? she asks All the prisoners answer together The appeal
Taking his seat in his chambers the judge faced the opposing lawyers So he said I have been presented by both of you with a bribe Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably You attorney Leon gave me 15 000 And you attorney Campos gave me 10 000 The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check He handed it to Leon Now then I m returning 5 000 and we re going to decide this case solely on its merits
Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work “I don’t understand ” Cindy complained “When people find out I’m a lawyer they take an instant dislike to me Why would they do that?”Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested “Maybe it just saves time ” Contributed by:-Mr Sham Singh email address:- funnyjokes rediffmail com
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the Devil As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman That s unfair he cried I have to roast for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman Shut up barked the Devil jabbing him with his pitchfork Who are you to question that woman s punishment?
The Walton`s invited their new neighbors over to dinner During dinner Mr Walton was asked what he did for a living Eight years old Brian Walton jumped in and said Daddy is a fisherman To which Mrs Walton replied Brian why do say that Your daddy is a stockbroker not a fisherman No mom Every time we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs rubs his hands together and says I just caught another fish
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: What do you do if you make a mistake on a case? the minister asked Try to fix it if it s big; ignore it if it s insignificant replied the lawyer What do you do? The minister replied Oh more or less the same Let me give you an example The other day I meant to say The devil is the father of liars but instead I said The devil is the father of lawyers so I let it go
