A lawyer named Strange died and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone Here lies Strange an honest man and a lawyer The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer That way whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it they would be certain to remark: That s Strange

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money? Told that it was true the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian When they stopped the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law No no one replied We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks

A woman was suing a man for defamation of character charging that he had called her a pig The man was found guilty and fined After the trial he asked the Judge Does this mean that I can t call Miss Stuart a pig? The Judge said that was accurate Does this also mean that I can t call a pig Miss Stuart ? the man asked The Judge told the man that he could indeed call a pig Miss Stuart with no fear of legal action The man then looked Miss Stuart directly in the eye and said Good afternoon Miss Stuart

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: To you my loving wife Rachel who stood by me in rough times as well as good I leave her the house and 5 million The lawyer continued To my daughter Christy who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going I leave her the yacht the business and 2 million The lawyer concluded And to my cousin Matt who hated me argued with me and thought that I would never mention him in my will – well you are wrong Hi Matt

Believe it or not Lawyers are the most preferred husbands for ladies Surprised? Don t be I asked a girl why do you prefer a lawyer to marry? She Said: They bow their head while entering the room and again while going out They say your honor my lord before and after every world They don t have male ego because they wear gown they go to a BAR wher liquor is not served More importantly they never question the judgement at least before the person who gives it whether they like it or not What more do I require?

A North Carolina man having bought several expensive cigars insured them against theft loss and fire After he had smoked them he then decided that he had a claim against the insurance company and filed The insurance company refused to pay citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigar normally The man sued The judge stated that since the company had insured the cigars against fire they were obligated to pay After the man-accepted payment for his claim the company then had him arrested For arson

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer The doctor mumbled some medical advice then turned to the lawyer and asked How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function? Just send an account for such advice replied the lawyer On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a 50 account That afternoon he received a 100 account from the lawye

At the height of a political corruption trial the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness Isn t it true he bellowed that you accepted ten thousand rupees to compromise this case? The witness stared out the window as though he hadn t hear the question Isn t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? the lawyer repeated The witness still did not respond Finally the judge leaned over and said Sir please answer the question Oh the startled witness said I thought he was talking to you

At the height of a political corruption trial the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness Isn t it true he bellowed that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? The witness stared out the window as though he hadn t hear the question Isn t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? the lawyer repeated The witness still did not respond Finally the judge leaned over and said Sir please answer the question Oh the startled witness said I thought he was talking to you

At the height of a political corruption trial the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness Isn t it true he bellowed that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? The witness stared out the window as though he hadn t hear the question Isn t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? the lawyer repeated The witness still did not respond Finally the judge leaned over and said Sir please answer the question Oh the startled witness said I thought he was talking to you

At the height of a political corruption trial the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness Isn t it true he bellowed that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? The witness stared out the window as though he hadn t hear the question Isn t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? the lawyer repeated The witness still did not respond Finally the judge leaned over and said Sir please answer the question Oh the startled witness said I thought he was talking to you

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer The doctor mumbled some medical advice then turned to the lawyer and asked How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function? Just send an account for such advice ” replied the lawyer On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a 50 account That afternoon he received a 100 account from the lawye

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer The doctor mumbled some medical advice then turned to the lawyer and remarked I never know how to handle the situation when I m asked for medical advice during a social function Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice? The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so The next day the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill The lawyer also sent one to the docto

One day a Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven God came and said Follow me and I will give you your rooms So they both followed First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk Thank you thank you my lord said The Pope Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman Mr God why are you giving this room to me and the other one to The Pope? the lawyer asked Well we get popes by the dozens but you`re our first lawye

In the traffic court a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time A wild gleam came into the judge s eyes You re a school teacher eh? he said Madam I shall realize my lifelong ambition I ve waited years to have a school teacher in this court Now sit down at that table and write I will not drive through red lights 500 times