A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money The old guy said: Son it was 1932 the depth of the Great Depression I was down to my last nickel I invested that in an apple and spent the entire day polishing it At the end of the day I sold the apple for 10 cents The next day I invested those 10 cents in 2 apples I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents I continued this 4 a month By the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of 1 37 Then my wife s father died and left us 2 Million Dollars MORAL: Hard Work Is Just Shit Find A Chick Whose Father Is Rich

A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip The wife answers : Thank you honey what would you like me to bring for you? The husband laughs and says An English girl The woman kept quiet and left Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks So honey how was the trip? Very good thank you And what happened to my present? Which present? She asked? The one I asked for- the English girl Oh that she said Well I did what I could now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl

A woman goes to Italy to attend a two week company training session Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip The wife answers Thank you honey what would you like me to bring for you? The husband laughs and says An Italian girl The woman kept quiet and left Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks So honey how the trip was? Very good thank you And what happened to my present? Which present? She asked The one I asked for - an Italian girl Oh that she said Well I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying so he calls his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanna you lissin to me I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me But grandpa I really don t like guns how about leaving me your Rolex watch instead You liste to me Some day you gonna be runna da bussiness you gonna have a beautiful wife lotsa money a big home and maybe a couple of bambini Am I right? Yes grandpa I guess so Ok so soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say TIMES UP

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend One evening after the honeymoon he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt His wife was standing there at the bench watching him After a long period of silence she finally speaks Honey I ve been thinking now that we are married I think it s time you quit hunting shooting hand loading and fishing Maybe you should sell your guns and boat Tim gets this horrified look on his face She says Darling what s wrong? There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife Ex wife she screams I didn t know you were married before I wasn t

A local daily ran a competition around Valentine s Day asking for a two line rhyme with the most romantic first line and the least romantic second line Here are some of the best enteries: My darling my lover my beautiful wife Marrying you messed up my life I see your face when I am dreaming That s why I always wake up screaming Kind intelligent loving and hot; everything you are not I love your smile your face and your eyes Damn I m good at telling lies My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe Go to hell What inspired this amazing rhyme? A bottle of tequila one part lime

George decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend One evening after the honeymoon George and his new wife was organizing his golfing equipment His wife was standing nearby watching him After along period of silence she finally speaks Honey I ve been thinking now that we re married I think it s time you quit golfing Maybe you should sell your clubs and golf cart George gets this horrified look on his face She says Darling what s wrong ? George says There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife Ex wife she screams I didn t know you were married before George retorts I wasn t

A famous inspirational speaker said: Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn t my wife Audience was in shock and silence He added: She was my mother (A big round of plause laughter) A very daring husband tried to crack this at home After dinner he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen: Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn t my wife Standing for a moment trying to recall the second line of that speaker By the time he gained his senses he was on a hospital bed recovering from burns of boiling water Moral: Don t Copy if you can t Paste

Put your wife in a room and lock it Put your dog in another room and lock it Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours and see who is Happy to see you and who will BITE you (You are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals who are now divorced and living happily with their dog) Don t laugh loud the extended version says Put your husband in a room and lock it Put your dog in another room and lock it Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours and you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you but you be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before

A guy was speeding down the road and got pulled over by a state trooper The trooper said Do you have any idea how fast you were going ? The driver looked at the trooper and said Do you see the woman sitting in the passenger seat ? The trooper said Yes Thats my wife the driver said to the trooper Do you see the woman sitting in the back seat ? The trooper said Yes Thats my mother in law She lives with us They just had a big spat and she said she was moving out I m trying to get them home before they make up The trooper wrote him a warning and then gave him an escort home with lights flashing

Rahul s grandfather left him Rs 10 million and the next week Maria agreed to marry him After three months of married life Rahul noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent or even worse called out other men s names Whenever they went out in public she ignored him and flirted with other men Finally he decided to confront her Maria he said the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me Rs 10 million when he died Don t be ridiculous she replied I don t care who gave you the money

Brian came into his wife s room one day If I were say disfigured would you still love me? he asked her Darling I ll always love you she said calmly filing her nails How about if I became crippled and couldn t make love to you any more? Brian asked nervously Don t worry darling I ll always love you she told him buffing her nails Well how about if I lost my job as vice president? Brian went on if I weren t pulling in six figures any more Would you still love me then? The wife looked over at her husband s worried face Frank I ll always love you she reassured him but most of all I ll really miss you

Jimmy s wife refusing to give in to the looks of growing old goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the miracle products she asks Jimmy Darling honestly if you didn t know me what age would you say I am? Looking over her carefully Jimmy replied Judging from your skin twenty two; your hair twenty three; and your figure eighteen Oh you flatterer she gushed Just as she was about to tell Jimmy his reward he stops her by saying WHOA hold on there sweety Jimmy interrupted I haven t added them up yet

Woman goes to travel agent and says Honeymoon Ka Sasta Package Hai koi? Agent says Ji Mam 50k mein 3N/4D in Bangkok including flight hotel and food Woman replies Aur Koi Sasta?? Agent says Kashmir 3N/4D all inclusive 35k Woman goes Isse Bhi koi Sasta? Agent replies Ji Madam Ek Special Offer Hai - 10N/11D in London and Paris via Milan stay in honeymoon suite and complementary chauffeured car Package is completely free Woman is overjoyed and immediately tells him Awww my god Yeh Toh incredible offer Hai Zaroor Kuchh Catch Hoga? Agent says Koi catch Nahi Madam Bas Husband Hamari Taraf Se Hota Hai

A real woman is man s best friend She will never stand him up and never let him down She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires She will make sure he always feels as though he s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident sexy seductive and invincible NO wait Sorry I m thinking of whiskey It s whiskey that does all that shit Never mind