Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.

Some people have relationships and some people have vodka

You re so fake... Are you sure you weren t made in china?

That awkward moment when your phone is your only friend..

My relationship with whisky has been on the rocks lately.

If people are talking behind your back... Then just fart.

Hey, you have eyes, I have eyes, we have a lot in common!

Some people have relationships and some people have vodka

Behind Every Great Status There Is A ctrl+c and ctrl+v :P

Well I could agree with you, but then we d both be wrong.

I wonder if I ve met the person I’m going to marry.

‎2 things a girl wants: 1) To lose weight. 2) To eat..

I m not awake until I ve had 2 cups of coffee and a nap ;)

I hate when I sing a song and the artist gets it wrong. :p

"My memory is so bad." "How bad is it?" "How bad is what?"