When I was born I was so surprised, I didnt talk for a year and a half..

Knowing that when your mom calls your FULL name out, your in trouble. :p

I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.

Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly.

When I was born I was so surprised, I didnt talk for a year and a half..

I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent :)

Statistics show that people with the most birthdays live the longest.,.,

It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry :)

Just because you can t dance, doesn t mean you shouldn t dance."-Alcohol

Why do you talk so fast?” “Why do you listen so slow?”

I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi :)

When I Die, Someone Should Keep Updating My Status To Freak Out People...

HEY YOU, yeah I m talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on ?"