The best Nicknames are the ones people don’t even know they have... :p

You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

Fall in love.
Visit both heaven and hell for the price of one ;)

Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake!

It’s just Facebook, I wish people would keep it real and stop frontin.

Threatening your parents with a shit nursing home to remind them who s boss.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always!

She`s so fake if you look behind her neck it says “made in china”

“Are you asleep?” “No I was in coma, thanks for saving me."

Trying not to act suspicious when passing police even though you re innocent.

The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.

if you want to make someone happy today, just mind your own fucking business.

If you want to commit suicide, you should jump down from your ego to your IQ.

Back in my day bathrooms were used for taking a shit. Not as a photobooth! :p