If going to church makes u a christian, then standing in a garage makes u a car.... :)

The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off due to cost cutting measures.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel….just pray it’s not a train!.

Be careful of following the masses - remove the "m" and who exactly are you following?

Sometimes your neighbors love your music so much and they invite the police to listen.

I like really dark movie theaters.... That way, I don t have to buy my own popcorn. :p

When you are on a 1% battery anyone who sends a message, Or calling, Becomes the enemy

The awkward moment when someone is crying and you`re trying your hardest not to laugh.

That awkward moment when you say you’re not hungry, and then your belly rumbles.

Give me food and a pc with internet connection and you wouldn t hear about me for ages.

I love my ringtone so much, but when it rings in public, I get so fucking embarrassed..

I fucking hate when I write a Facebook status and some idiot comments ..I don t get it.

Movies are shit, I started dancing at the vegetable market today and not one joined me.

Lies Told In Texts - I`m almost there. (When you actually haven`t even left the house.)

Boy: "Life s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life s short, so is his dick."