That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..

Never keep a complaint in your heart,

it may be injurious to your health....

Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money?! This number is no longer in service... :p

Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you....

Girlfriends are like passwords: If you ve shared them with your friends, you need to get a new one :p

is wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle die, but fat cells live FOREVER?

When I m waiting in a line for something, I hate everyone in front of me. Everyone behind me is cool.

I saw you talking about me in your status...Cute , But next time WHY DON T YOU TAG ME IN THAT BITCH !

"The only time a girl should fall on her knees for a guy, is the day she tie her son s shoe-laces." :)

A Husband is a man with pictures in his wallet, where he used to keep his money when he was single. :p

If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.

When I cross a one way road, I still look both sides... . . Just in case there are any women driving..

just found out that if you hold Ctrl and w for 10 seconds it turns your Facebook page from Blue to Red

Why does paper beat rock? if you hold a paper in front of your face and i throw a rock at it who wins?

An Intelligent GF is someone who makes sure she spends so much that her BF can t afford other Girl. :p