I m only liking your status to let you know that I read it so you won t try to tell me about it later. :p

No one is as ugly as their drivers license picture, or as good-looking as their Facebook profile picture.

Hello, modeling agency? Yes! Umm.. I just got 37 likes on my new profile pic, I think I m ready to go pro.

If I don t answer my phone the first time you call, calling 5 more times isn t going to make me answer. :p

The MOMENT when u try to do anything humanly possible to reach the remote without getting up….. ^_^

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

The walk of shame at the store when you have to put something back because your mom says “no.”

Dear people who write on the bathroom stalls; i don`t care who you "heart." sincerely, just trying to pee.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn t even matter. :P

I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘K’ :)

You ll never know a person s true strength until you try to steal their covers in the middle of the night.

Everyone wears left shoe last.

Proof: when we wear 1 shoe,the other one is "left"

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.