It’s not hotter this year. It’s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.

Don t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend

Don t pay attention to this status, I m standing alone in public so I m doing this to make it look like I m texting. :p

Why do boys walk fast and girls speak more?
Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth.

That awkward moment when you see a bunch people from school hanging out at the mall & you’re there with your mom.

I watched Transformers today, and I`ve spent the past 2 hours in my garage telling my car I know his secret... He`s shy.

That awkward moment, when people ask: Are you a couple? And you look at each other and wait who s going to answer first.

Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out "the rapist" Sincerely, not lying down.

If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.

When someone says “I love you” and you don`t feel the same, just say “I love YOUTUBE” Damn fast.

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ? Student: Sir, I am not sure but I think from page 15 to 26.

Three apples that changed the world - One seduced Eve, one awakened Newton, the third one was in the hands of Steve Jobs

Twinkle Twinkle Little whore. Ure at school, not Jersey Shore. Ure a slutty, orange mess. PLEASE GO FIND A LONGER DRESS.

I have only one goal on facebook... to make someone laugh so hard that they fall off their toilet and shit the floor. :p

I ReNaMeD AlL My fIlEs "ThE WoRlD" ,
sO ,
EvErYdAy wHeN I "sAvE" tHe wOrLd i fEeL ImPoRtAnT ;) ;P