Dear Haters, Check this out, It will Totally Work For You :

1. Hold Your Breath for 5 Minutes
2. Die -,-

Dear FACEBOOK...stop acting like my girlfriend..
We were not in touch for the last few days...now i am facing a changed behavior.

Yesterday I saw someone pushing a bottle of Schweppes into his ass, I said, "What are you doing ?!" He replied: "Schweppes: Drink Different.."

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it s wide use three fingers, make sure it s wet and rub up and down. Yep that s how you wash a cup.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighboring table n wish you’d ordered that.

Son: Hey Dad! I got a girlfriend! Dad: Nice son, is she hot? Son: Hell yeah!
Girl: Hey Dad! I got a boyfriend! Dad: *Loads shotgun*

scratch here: ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status

I hate when I m in public & a girl is looking at me, Idk if shes thinking "Oh he s cute" or "How the hell did a walrus escape from the zoo?" :p

It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.

Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.

TOP 5 Lies People Tell – 1) I`m fine. 2) That was my last piece of gum. 3) I`ll call you back. 4) I`m on my way. 5) I never got that text.

Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.

They say milk gives you strength so I drank 5 glasses and still couldn t move a wall, I tried 13 shots of vodka and saw the wall move itself ;-)

I was in a bathroom and I saw a sign that said employees must wash hands. I waited a minute and no one came to wash my hands so I did it myself.

There is nothing greater in this world than being loving parents. So take the first step today by getting married. Think different, do different!