That awkward moment when the bathroom is silent except for the sound of your pee & you hope the person washing their hands isn’t listening.

The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.

ooked into a hotel last night. I said to the receptionist, I hope the porn channel is disabled? she said, No.. Its regular porn you sicko!

I m starting to think that the gym isn t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.

I think Netflix would work great as a college dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who also watched Pokemon for 12 hours straight"

If bar tenders aren’t allowed to sell alcohol to drunk people, then McDonald’s shouldn’t be allowed to sell food to fat people.

The only time Internet
pages seem to load quickly is
.
when you click on the wrong
link .....:/ :P

police: Do you know how fast you were going? Me: I was trying to keep up with traffic. police: There`s no traffic. Me: That`s how far behind I am!

My teachers always told me that if I didn t study hard enough I d end up working at McDonalds. Well I proved them wrong, I got a job at KFC today.

Old meaning of sorry. "I won t doit again.

New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful.

Every Girl Has Two Major Problem When Ever She Open Her ALMIRA..!!
Nothing To Wear and
No Place To Keep Her Clothes.... :P

I used to feel sorry for girls when their boyfriend treats them bad.. then i realized it s all their fault for being dumb enough to stay with them.

If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling “IT’S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!

Next time someone presses the elevator button you’ve already pressed, act totally impressed and tell them they did it waaaay better than you..

Why do we use our blankets as shields at night? Like is the monster gonna be like ” oh shit…..they have a blanket..RRRUUUUNNN!!!!”