अमीर की औलाद
बेटा : पापा आज बहुत गर्मी है!!
पापा : बेटा हम आज ही ए.सी. लगवाएँगे
गरीब की औलाद
बेटा : पापा आज कितनी गर्मी है
पापा : चल तुझे गंजा करवा देता हूँ

There were three generals one Chinese an Iraqi and a Turk They were bragging about how good each of their armies were The Chinaman said My army would kill themselves for their country Then he put a platoon in a little room and told them When this feather hits the floor I want all of you to shoot yourselves He then went outside the room and five seconds later there were numerous gunshots and everyone in the room was dead Next came the Turkish General and he said the same thing to one of his platoons About seven seconds later they heard gunshots and once again everyone was dead Finally came the Iraqi and he did the same to his platoon Several seconds past and there were no gunshots They decided to wait a little longer Then several more seconds past and still no gunshots Finally they went in and the whole Iraqi platoon was on the floor blowing under the feather to keep it up

A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife so he writes her a letter My darling he writes it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time Already I’m starting to miss you and we’re constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls The temptation’s terrible I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading Why don’t you learn to play this? Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife Darling he says I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love But she stops him with a wave of her hand First let’s see how well you play that harmonica

A young fellow became marooned on a deserted South Pacific island after his cruise ship sank For several years he managed to live on fruits and vegetables he found on the island together with shellfish and an occasional fish he was able to catch Then one day as he was sitting on the beach he saw an object approaching the island As it got closer he could see that it was a woman astride a barrel When she finally managed to paddle the barrel ashore he ran over to greet her and noticed that she was a beautiful girl Wow he exclaimed I m sure glad to see you Noticing that his clothes were gone and he had quite a beard she asked My goodness how long have you been here by yourself? Almost four years I think he replied She said Well I m going to give you something you haven t had in a long time and I m sure you have missed Well hot damn he exclaimed Have you got beer in that barrel?

The preacher in his Sunday sermon used Forgive Your Enemies as his subject After a long sermon he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies About half held up their hands Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question This time he received a response of about 80 percent Still unsatisfied he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner all responded except one elderly lady in the rear Mrs Smith are you not willing to forgive your enemies? I don t have any Mrs Smith that is very unusual How old are you? Ninety five Mrs Smith please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety five and not have an enemy in the world The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle very slowly turned around and said It s easy I just outlived the bitches

An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt hat jeans spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink As he sat there sipping his whiskey a young lady sat down next to him After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him Are you a real cowboy? The cowboy replied Well I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows breaking horses mending fences I guess I am After a short while he asked her what she was She replied I`ve never been on a ranch so I`m not a cowboy but I am a lesbian I spend my whole day thinking about women As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women when I eat work watch TV everything seems to make me think of women A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink A couple sat down next to him and asked Are you a real cowboy? He replied I always thought I was but I just found out that I`m probably a lesbian

टीचर:- कौनसा पंछी सबसे तेज़ उड़ता है?
स्टूडेंट:- सर हाथी
टीचर:-नालायक तेरा बाप क्या करता है
स्टूडेंट:-दाउद के गैंग में शूटर है
टीचर:- शाबाश लिखो बच्चो हाथी

One day these two fine ladies were sittin on the front porch having some iced tea One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see and says Look at this ring my husband gave me Isn t it nice? To which the other woman replies Oh that s nice that s real nice The first woman then says And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises The second woman again replies Oh that s nice that s real nice Well sweetheart doesn t your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places? Oh the second woman responds When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school Why d he do that? the first woman asks To which the second fine southern woman replies Well you see before when someone told me about the jewellery their husband gave them or the trips he sent her on I would have just said I don t give a fuck but now I say that s nice that s real nice

A college student was in a philosophy class where there was a class discussion about whether or not God exists The professor had the following logic: Has anyone in this class heard God? Nobody spoke Has anyone in this class touched God? Again nobody spoke Has anyone in this class seen God? When nobody spoke for the third time he simply stated Then there is no God The student did not like the sound of this at all and asked for permission to speak The professor granted it and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates: Has anyone in this class heard our professor s brain? Silence Has anyone in this class touched our professor s brain? Absolute silence Has anyone in this class seen our professor s brain? When nobody in the class dared to speak the student concluded Then according to our professor s logic it must be true that our professor has no brain

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car His father said he d make a deal with his son You bring your grades up from a C to a B average study your Bible a little and get your hair cut Then we ll talk about the car The boy thought about that for a moment decided he d settle for the offer and they agreed on it After about six weeks his father said Son you ve brought your grades up and I ve observed that you have been studying your Bible but I m disappointed you haven t had your hair cut The boy said You know Dad I ve been thinking about that and I ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair John the Baptist had long hair Moses had long hair and there s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair Love the Dad s reply Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?

While working with Mr Smith I have always found him working studiously and sincerely at his table without gossiping with colleagues in the office He seldom wastes his time on useless things Given a job he always finishes the given assignment in time He is always deeply engrossed in his official work and can never be found chitchatting in the canteen He has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound knowledge of his field I think he can easily be classed as outstanding and should on no account be dispensed with I strongly feel that Mr Xxxxxx should be pushed to accept promotion and a proposal to management be sent away as soon as possible Branch Manager A second note following the report: Mr Smith was present when I was writing the report mailed to you today Kindly read only the alternate lines 1 3 5 7 9 for my true assessment of him Regards Branch Manage

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room the man said You rest here while I register I ll be back within an hour The wife lies down on the bed Just then an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she s thrown out of the bed Thinking this must be a freak occurrence she lies down once more Again a train shakes the room so violently she s pitched to the floor Exasperated she calls the front desk asks for the manager The manager says he ll be right up The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true Look lie here on the bed You ll be thrown right to the floor So he lies down next to the wife Just then the husband walks in What are you doing here? The manager replies Would you believe I m waiting for a train?

एक लड़की ने फेसबुक पर STATUS डाला
आज बहुत गरमी है, मन कर रहा है कि
FAN के नीचे सो जाऊँ
मैंने भी COMMENT कर दिया की,
पगली तुम्हारा सबसे बड़ा FAN तो मैं हूँ
BLOCK कर दिया साली ने

आज कल के माँ बाप सुबह स्कूल बस में बच्चे को बिठा के ऐसे बाय बाय करते हैं
जैसे पढ़ने नहीं विदेश यात्रा भेज रहें हो
और एक हम थे जो रोज़ लात खा के स्कूल जाते थे

Why One Should Never Visit a Five Star Hotel Question: What would you like to have Fruit juice Soda Tea Chocolate Milo or Coffee? Answer: Tea please Question: Ceylon tea Herbal tea Bush tea Honey bush tea Ice tea or green tea? Answer: Ceylon tea Question: How would you like it? Black or white? Answer: White Question: Milk Whitener or Condensed milk? Answer: With milk Question: Goat milk Camel milk or cow milk Answer: With cow milk please Question: Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow? Answer: Um I ll take it black Question: Would you like it with sweetener sugar or honey? Answer: With sugar Question: Beet sugar or cane sugar? Answer: Cane sugar Question: White brown or yellow sugar? Answer: Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead Question: Mineral water or still water? Answer: Mineral water Question: Flavored or non-flavored? Answer: I ll rather die of thirst