A magician worked on a cruise ship The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again There was one problem The captain s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show Look it s not the same hat or Look he s hiding the flowers under the table or Hey why are all the cards the ace of spades? The magician was furious but couldn t do anything It was after all the captain s parrot Then the ship sank The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with as fate would have it the parrot They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word This went on for a day and then another and then another Finally on the fourth day the parrot could not hold back and said OK I give up Where s the ship?

Christian middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom That was fine but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints Finally the principal decided that something had to be done She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched The custodian took a long-handled brush dipped it into the nearest toilet and proceeded to scrub the mirror From that day on the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated

Three construction contractors died and went to heaven - a Pakistani a Chinese and an Indian When they got there St Peter welcomed them warmly and asked if they could do him a favor before they entered heaven It seems that the Pearly gates were in need of some repair and he wanted some estimates The Pakistani contractor looked the job over carefully and estimated the job at 900 When asked how he came up with that figure he said 300 materials 300 labor and 300 profit St Peter then asked theChines contractor for an estimate After careful inspection he answered 3300 - 1100 materials 1100 labor and 1100 profit When St Peter ask the Indian for an estimate he answered immediately without looking over the job at all - 2900 Asked how he came up with that figure he answered Simple 1000 for you 1000 for me and 900 to get the Pakistanti contractor over there to do the work

ਇੱਕ ਬੱਚਾ ਆਪਣੀ ਮਾਂ ਨਾਲ਼ ਲੜ ਕੇ ਘਰੋਂ ਬਾਹਰ ਬੈਠਾ ਸੀ
ਬਾਪੂ ਨੇ ਪੁੱਛਿਆ ਪੁੱਤ ਕੀ ਹੋਇਆ,
ਮੁੰਡਾ :- ਬਾਪੂ........
ਯਾਰ ਤੇਰੀ ਜਨਾਨੀ ਨਾਲ ਨੀ ਹੁਣ ਮੇਰੀ ਨਿਭਣੀ,
ਮੈਨੂੰ ਮੇਰੀ ਆਪਣੀ ਲਿਆ ਦੇ.

A family is driving in their car on holidays A frog crosses the road and the husband who is driving is able to stop the car He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road The frog is grateful thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish The man says Please make my dog win the next dog race The frog asks to look at the dog which limps out of the car The frog notices that the dog only has three legs it very fat and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish The man says Well then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog The frog turns to the man and says Could I please have another look at the dog?

At the War College the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question Will we have to fight a World War Three? Yes comrades looks like you will answers the general And who will be our enemy Comrade General? another officer asks The likelihood is that it will be China The class looks alarmed and finally one officer asks But Comrade General we are 150 million people and they are about 1 5 billion How can we possibly win? Well replies the general Think about it In modern war it is not the quantity but the quality that is the key For example in the Middle East 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs and the Jews have been the winners every time But sir asks the panicky officer Do we have enough Jews ?

A family are driving in their car on holidays A frog crosses the road and the husband who is driving is able to stop the car He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road The frog is grateful thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish The man says Please make my dog win the next dog race The frog asks to look at the dog which limps out of the car The frog notices that the dog only has three legs it very fat and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish The man says Well then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog The frog turns to the man and says Could I please have another look at the dog?

A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher He tells the rancher I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation The old rancher says Okay but don t go in that field over there The Water representative says Mister I have the authority of the Federal Government with me See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land No questions asked or answered Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores Later the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher s bull The bull is gaining with every step The Rep is clearly terrified So the old rancher immediately throws down his tools runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs Your card Show him Your card

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital While on the operating table she had a near death experience seeing God she asked Him if this was it God said No I am sending you back You have another 40 years 2 months and 8 days to live Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift liposuction breast augmentation a tummy tuck etc She even had her hairdresser come to the hospital to change her hair color before she was released from the hospital She figured that since she had such a long life ahead of her she had better make the most of it She left the hospital after all the operations and while crossing the street she was hit by an ambulance and was immediately killed Arriving in front of God the woman demanded I thought you said I had another forty years left to live What happened? God replied I didn`t recognize you

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say Pick me up He looked around and couldn t see any one He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again Pick me up He looked in the water and there floating on the top was a frog The man said Are you talking to me? The frog said Yes I m talking to you Pick me up then kiss me and I ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen I ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride The man looked at the frog for a short time reached over picked it up carefully and placed it in his front breast pocket Then the frog said What are you nuts? Didn t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride He opened his pocket looked at the frog and said Nah at my age I d rather have a talking frog

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth Turning to the man next to him he said I forgot my teeth The man said No problem He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth Try these he said The speaker tried them Too loose he said The man then said I have another pair - try these The speaker tried them and responded Too tight The man was not taken back at all He then said I have one more pair Try them The speaker said They fit perfectly With that he ate his meal and gave his speech After the dinner meeting was over the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him I want to thank you for coming to my aid Where is your office? I ve been looking for a good dentist The man replied I m not a dentist I m an undertake

It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War II He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes Then climbing up to 20 000 ft he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down too Noting that his fuel was getting low he descended circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck He threw back the canopy climbed out and jogged over to the captain Saluting smartly he said Well sir how did I do on my very first day? The captain turned around bowed and replied Ahh soo you only make one velly impoltant mistake

Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper The trooper walks up taps on the window with his nightstick the driver rolls down the window and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick The driver says Why d you do that? The trooper says You re in Texas son When I pull you over you ll have your license ready Driver says I m sorry officer I m not from around here The trooper runs a check on the guy s license and he s clean He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window The passenger rolls his window down and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick The passenger says What d you do that for? The cop says Just making your wishes come true The passenger says Huh? The cop says I know that two miles down the road you re gonna say I wish that sucker would ve tried that stuff with me

मेम बच्चे से तेरी कॉपी और पेन कहाँ है
बच्चा मेम जबसे आपको देखा क्या कॉपी और क्या पेन
तेरे मस्त-मस्त दो नैन मेरे दिल का ले गये चैन
खो गई कॉपी गुम गया पेन

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing On the last day the departing manager tells him I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can t solve Three months down the track there is major drama everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope The message inside says Blame your predecessor He does this and gets off the hook About half a year later the company is experiencing a dip in sales combined with serious product problems The manager quickly opens the second envelope The message read Reorganize This he does and the company quickly rebounds Three months later at his next crisis he opens the third envelope The message inside says Prepare three envelopes