Family is driving in their car on holidays Frog crosses the road and husband who is driving is able to stop the car He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road Frog is greatful thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish Man says Please make my dog win the nexr dog race Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulful his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish Man says Well then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog The frog turns to the man and says Could I please have another look at the dog???

A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff Full of fear he assessed his situation He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below If he should slip again he d plummet to his death Full of fear he cries out Help me But there was no answer Again and again he cried out but to no avail Finally he yelled Is anybody up there? A deep yet serene voice replied Yes I m up here Who is it? It s God Can you help me? Yes I can help Please help me then Let yourself go Looking around the man became full of panic What? ? Let yourself go I will catch you Uh Is there anybody else up there?

Family is driving in their car on holidays Frog crosses the road and husband who is driving is able to stop the car He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road Frog is grateful thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish Man says: well then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog The frog turns to the man and says: Could I please have another look at the dog???

The elderly minister was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning In the back of the closet he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 1 bills He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents Embarrassed she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 25 years of marriage Disappointed and hurt the minister asked her WHY? The wife replied that she hadn`t wanted to hurt his feelings He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon she had placed an egg in the box The minister felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about so he asked her what the 100 was for She replied Each time I got a dozen eggs I sold them to the neighbors for 1

A man suffered a serious heart attack and consequently had a quadruple heart bypass surgery He woke up to find that he was in the care of nuns at a catholic hospital When he had recovered sufficiently a nun began to ask him questions as to how he was going to pay for the treatment he has had The nun asked Do you have health insurance? The patient replied in a rapsy voice No health insurance The nun asked Do you have money in the bank? The patient replied No money in the bank Somewhat impatient the nun asked Do you have a relative who will be willing to help you settle the account for your treatment? The patient replied I only have a spinster sister who is a nun The nun became agitated and announced loudly Nuns are not spinsters They are married to God The patient retorted Then send the bill to my brother in law

An Illinois man left the snow filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida His wife was on a trip and was planning to meet him there the next day When he reached his motel in Florida he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address he did his best to type it in from memory Unfortunately he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher`s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before When the grieving widow checked her e-mail she took one look at the monitor she let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a total faint At the sound her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW P S SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE

Tommy enters the confessional box and says Bless me Father for I have sinned I have been with a loose woman The priest asks Is that you little Tommy ? Yes Father it is And who was the woman you were with? Sure and I can`t be tellin` you Father I don`t want to ruin her reputation Well Tommy I`m sure to find out sooner or later so you may as well tell me now Was it Brenda? I cannot say Was it Patricia ? I`ll never tell Was it Liz Shannon? I`m sorry but I`ll not name her Was it Cathy Morgan? My lips are sealed Was it Fiona McDonald then? Please Father I cannot tell you The priest sighs in frustration You`re a steadfast lad Tommy and I admire that But you`ve sinned and you must atone Be off with you now Tommy walks back to his pew His friend Sean slides over and whispers What`d you get? Five good leads says Tommy

A Chinese Christian just died and went up to the Heaven After an angel greeted him the angel said Let me take you down to the Hell before we go inside the Heaven Once they were there the Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast However everybody around the table looked real sad and starving He asked the angel why The angel said They only get a pair of 4-foot chopsticks and thus each one of them cannot feed oneself because the chopsticks are too long Then they went back to the Heaven and went inside Again the Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast just like that in the Hell and each person has a pair of 4-foot chopsticks too However strangely everybody around the table looked happy and satisfied The angel explained Simple here in Heaven each one feeds another with the chopsticks unlike those selfish ones down there

A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming He panicked and started to pray God please get my foot out of these tracks and I ll stop drinking Nothing happened it was still stuck and the train was getting closer He prayed again God please get my foot out and I ll stop drinking AND cussing Still nothing and the train was just seconds away He tried it one more time God please if you get my foot out of the tracks I ll quit drinking cussing smoking and having sex with all the women I meet Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way just as the train passed He got up dusted himself off looked toward Heaven and said Thanks anyway God I got it myself

A farmer purchased an old run-down; abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise The fields were grown over with weeds the farmhouse was falling apart and the fences were broken down During his first day of work the town preacher stops by to bless the man s work saying May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams A few months later the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer Low and behold it s a completely different place The farmhouse is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows Amazing the preacher says Look what God and you have accomplished together Yes reverend says the farmer but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone

An old preacher was dying He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members) to come to his home When they arrived they were ushered up to his bedroom As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed The preacher grasped their hands sighed contentedly smiled and stared at the ceiling For a time no one said anything Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment They however were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them Finally the lawyer asked Preacher why did you ask the two of us to come? The old preacher mustered up some strength then said weakly Jesus died between two thieves and that`s how I want to go too

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it She would stand on her front porch and shout PRAISE THE LORD Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout There ain`t no Lord Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance She stood on her porch and shouted PRAISE THE LORD GOD I NEED FOOD I AM HAVING A HARD TIME PLEASE LORD SEND ME SOME GROCERIES The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted PRAISE THE LORD The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said Aha I told you there was no Lord I bought those groceries God didn`t The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said PRAISE THE LORD He not only sent me groceries but He made the devil pay for them PRAISE THE LORD

A farmer purchases an old run-down abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise The fields are grown over with weeds the farmhouse is falling apart and the fences are collapsing all around During his first day of work the town preacher stops by to bless the man s work saying May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams A few months later the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer Low and behold It s like a completely different place - the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows Amazing the preacher says Look what God and you have accomplished together Yes Reverend says the farmer but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone

Bless me Father for I have sinned I have not been to confession for six months On top of that I ve been with a loose woman The priest sighs Is that you little Johnny Yes Father tis I And who might be the woman you were with? I shan t be tellin you Father It would ruin her reputation Well Johnny I m bound to find out sooner or later so you may as well tell me now Was it Brenda O Malley? I cannot say Was it Patricia Fitzgerald? I ll never tell Was it Lisa O Shanter? I m sorry but I ll not name her Was it Cathy O Dell? My lips are sealed Was it Fiona Mallory then? Please Father I cannot tell you The priest sighs in frustration You re a steadfast lad Johhnny and I admire that But you ve sinned and you must atone Be off with you now Johnny walks back to his pew His friend Sean slides over and whispers What d you get? Five more good leads says Johnny

There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying Flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her One time she was sitting next to a man When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing After awhile he turned to her and asked You don t really believe all that stuff in there do you? The lady replied Of course I do It is the Bible He said Well what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale? She replied Oh Jonah Yes I believe that it is in the Bible He asked Well how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale? The lady said Well I don t really know I guess when I get to heaven I will ask him What if he isn t in heaven? the man asked sarcastically Then you can ask him replied the lady