At the conclusion of the sermon the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister As one of them left he shook the minister s hand thanked him for the sermon and said Thanks for the message Reverend You know you must be smarter than Einstein Beaming with pride the minister said Why thank you brother As the week went by the minister began to think about the man s compliment The more he thought the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday The next Sunday he asked the parishioner if he remembered the previous Sunday s comment about the sermon The parishioner replied that he did The minister asked Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein? The man replied Well Reverend they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him But Reverend no one can understand you

At the conclusion of the sermon the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister As one of them left he shook the minister s hand thanked him for the sermon and said Thanks for the message Reverend You know you must be smarter than Einstein Beaming with pride the minister said Why thank you brother As the week went by the minister began to think about the man s compliment The more he thought the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday The next Sunday he asked the parishioner if he remembered the previous Sunday s comment about the sermon The parishioner replied that he did The minister asked Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein? The man replied Well Reverend they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him But Reverend no one can understand you

A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money so he asked them to consider being more than generous He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns After the offering plates were passed about the church the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a 1 000 bill He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate A very quiet elderly saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand The pastor asked her to come to the front so she slowly she made her way towards him The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said I ll take him and him and him

Three guys a Canadian Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it I will give each of you each one wish that`s three wishes total says the Genie The Canadian says I am a farmer my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada With a blink of the Genie`s eye `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming Osama Bin Laden was amazed so he said I want a wall around Afghanistan so that no infidels Jews or Americans can come into our precious state Again with a blink of the Genie`s eye `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan Uncle Sam (A former civil engineer) asks I`m very curious Please tell me more about this wall The Genie explains Well it`s about 15 000 feet high 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable Uncle Sam says Fill it with wate

There were these 4 guys a Russian a German an American and a French who found this small genie bottle When they rubbed the bottle a genie appears Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle He said Next to you all are 4 swimming pools I will give each of you a wish When you run towards the pool and jump you shout what you want the pool of water to become then your wish will come true The French wanted to start He run towards the pool jumped and shouted WINE The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool Next is the Russian`s turn he did the same and shouted VODKA and immersed himself into a pool of vodka The German was next and he jumped and shouted BEER He was so contented with his beer pool The last is the American He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel He slipped towards the pool and shouted SHIT And It Turned Out To Be Shit

Three men: a project manager a software engineer and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour Halfway up the beach they stumbled upon a lamp As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says Normally I would grant you three wishes but since there are three of you I will grant you each one wish The hardware engineer went first I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St Thomas with no money worries The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St Thomas The software engineer went next I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean Last but not least it was the project manager’s turn And what would your wish be? asked the genie I want them both back after lunch replied the project manage

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns After the offering plates were passed the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed ten 100 bills in the offering He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate A very quiet elderly saintly-looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand The pastor asked her to come to the front Slowly she made her way to the pastor He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said I ll take him and him and him

A few minutes before the services started the church people were sitting in their pews and talking Suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil one Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving unconcerned to the fact that mankind’s enemy was in his presence So Satan walked up to the old man and said Don’t you know who I am? The man replied Yep your Satan Aren’t you afraid of me? Satan asked No sure ain’t said the man Don’t you realize what I can do to you? asked Satan I know what you can do to me replied the old man And you’re still not afraid? asked Satan Nope A little perturbed Satan asked Well why aren’t you afraid of me? The man calmly replied Well I’ve been married to your sister for over 48 years

Three men of the cloth a Catholic a Jew and an Episcopalian were on an airplane trip together They ran into the worst turbulence in the history of aviation on the whole flight When the plane finally landed a reporter is there and starts interviewing people The first one is the Catholic and when asked was he afraid he answered I am Catholic my son and yes I was afraid but I prayed to my God and I knew he would see me through it The reporter said thank you and went up to the next man of the cloth and asked was he afraid he answered I am Jewish my son and yes I was afraid but I prayed to my God and I knew he would see me through it The reporter said thank you and went up to the third man of the cloth whose clothes were all messed up wet streaks down his pants and chunks on his chest He was asked the same questions and replied I m an Ecopalian The reporter says Ecopalian what is an Ecopalian? And the man of the cloth said That s an Episcopalian with the piss scared out of him

A fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him The first said that he usually played alone but agreed to the twosome They were even after the first two holes and the second fellow said We re about evenly matched how about playing for 5 a hole? The first fellow said he was not much for betting but agreed to the terms The second fellow won the next 16 holes As they walked off the last hole the second fellow was counting his 80 and confessed that he was the Pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers The first fellow said he was the Parish Priest The Pro was embarrassed and offered to return the money The Priest said You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you keep your winnings The Pro said Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? The Priest replied Well you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation and if you want to bring your mother and father along I ll marry them

A woman received a call that her daughter was sick She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground She looked at it and said I don t know how to use this She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP Within a minute a beat up old motorcycle pulled up A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help She said Yes my daughter is sick I ve locked my keys in my car I must get home Please can you use this hanger to unlock my car? He said Sure He walked over to the car and in less than a minute the car was open She hugged the man and through tears said Thank You SO Much You are a very nice man The man replied Lady I am NOT a nice man I just got out of PRISON yesterday I was in prison for car theft The woman hugged the man again sobbing Oh thank you God You even sent me a Professional Is GOD Good or What ?

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates Ahead of him is a guy who s dressed in a loud shirt leather jacket jeans and wearing sunglasses Saint Peter addresses this guy Who are you so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven The guy replies I m Joe Cohen taxi-driver of New York City Saint Peter consults his list He smiles and says to the taxi-driver Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff and it s the minister s turn He stands erect and booms out I am Joseph Snow pastor of Saint Mary s for the last forty-three years Saint Peter consults his list He says to the minister Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven Just a minute says the minister That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff How can this be? Up here we work results says Saint Peter While you preached people slept; while he drove people prayed

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it s a bad one Both cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither are hurt They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest s collar and says So you re a priest I m a rabbi Just look at our cars There s nothing left but we are unhurt This must be a sign from God God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days And the priest said I agree with you completely This must be a sign from God And the rabbi said Look at this Here s another miracle My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn t break surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune And so he handed the bottle to the priest The priest said he agreed took a few big swigs and handed the bottle back to the rabbi The rabbi took the bottle didn t drink at all put the cap on and handed it back to the priest The priest asked Aren’t you going to have any? And the rabbi replied No I think I ll just wait for the police

At one local church Jack was in charge of taking up the offerings One Sunday after the services the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated So he questioned Jack He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation Jack said that he did not take any of the offering The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering So the priest said get in the confessional which Jack did Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this time he said I can t hear you Again the priest asked Jack did you take any of the offering? Again Jack answered I can t hear you This time the priest yelled JACK DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING Again Jack answered I can t hear you By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said Jack trade places with me and you can ask me a question So they traded places and Jack asked I hear that you and my wife are having an affair is that true? To which the priest answered By Golly you can t hear in here

Ever thought What would happen if temples were Americanised Before Pooja the pandit will not ask for your name anymore Your social security number will do Two types of prasad will be available - Normal Prasad Diet Prasad Panchamrut will be of 4 types : Normal milk 2% milk Skimmed milk and fat-free milk (The same for yogurt) You don`t tip the pandit on the plate when he gives the prasad You should swipe your visa card on his scanner You no more go around the temple from left to right This is America and everything here is from right to left Due to fire hazard no more aarati only flashlights will be used To prevent noise pollution all bhaktas need to use head phones to listen GONG of the bell during flashlight-tee (aar-tee) Soft copies of lord are on sale at 1 per image The pandit will no longer read the mantra from books he will use his laptop instead The temple would re-cycle the flowers used everyday to protect the Environment Sponsors of poojas will be allowed to display a 1 5`x 5` banner on the website The temple will sponsor this year`s NBA matches to gain publicity