Santa and Banta were playing chess (joke doesn t end here) Santa: Chal yaar bas karte hain pak raha hai Banta: Haan yaar waise bhi tera sirf haathi bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda The joke doesn t end here either Phir wahan Viswanathan Anand aata hai Vishy: Chalo Santa-Banta chess khelte hain Santa-Banta: Nahi aap to hume aasani se hara doge Vishy: Chalo yaar Tum dono aur me akela Santa-Banta: Phir bhi hum haar jayenge Vishy: Okay mai left hand se khelunga Ssnts-Banta: Haan Phir thik hai The joke still doesn t end Dono obviously haar jate hai aur Vishy chala jata hai Santa: Badi sharmanaak baat hai yaar Left hand se bhi hara diya usne Banta: Abe bewkoof bana gaya woh hume Santa: Kaise? Banta: Saala lefty hi hoga

Husband: Darling Tumhara Naam Haath Pe Likhu Ya Dil Pe?? Wife: Idhar Udhar Kyun Likhte Ho ? Agar Sachcha Pyar Karte Ho Toh Seedha Apne Property Ke Papers Pe Likho Moral: Biwi Ke Saamne Style Nahin Maarnr Ka Prabhu Yeh Kya Moh-Maya Hai? Apna Bachcha Roye Toh Dil Mein Drd Hota Hai Aur Doosre Ka Roye Toh Sir Mein Apni Biwi Roye Toh Sir Mein Dard Hota Hai Aur Doosre Ki Roye Toh Dil Mein Sab Prabhu Ki Maya Hai A Man Praying in Kumbh Mela: Hey Prabhu Nyaye Karo Hey Prabhu Nyaye Karo Hamesha Bhai-Bhai Bichhadte Hain Is Kumbh Ke Mele Mein Kabhi Pati-Patni Pe Bhi Try Karo Wife: Jaanu Kaash Aap Message Hote Main Aapko Save Karti Aur Jab Dil Chahta Ta Padh Leti Husband: Kanjoos Hee Rahiyo Save Hee Karke Rakhiyo Apni Kisi Saheli Ko Forward Na Kariyo

A very effective Dhamki by wife in new style: Tum Jitna Time Facebook Whatsapp Twitter Ko Doge Mein Utna Time Flipkart Amazon Snapdeal Jabong ebay ko dungi Santa: Yaar Main Jo Bhi Kaam Shuru Karta Hoon Meri Biwi Beech Mein Aa Jaati Hai Banta: Tu Truck Chala Kar Dekh Shayad Kismat Saath De De A Philosopher HUSBAND said: Every WIFE is a Mistress of her Husband Miss for first year Stress for rest of the life A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage She said: Sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys to face the criticism of one idiot Listening to your Wife is like reading terms conditions of a website You understand nothing but still click on I AGREE The sweetest msg: Husband to wife: You should learn to embrace your mistakes She hugged him tightly

Ek Sharabi full tight hokar ghar jaa raha tha Raaste me mandir ke baahar pujari dikha Sharabi ne pujari se poocha Sabse bada kaun? Pujaari ne peecha chudane ke liye kaha Mandir Bada Sharabi bola Mandir bada toh dharti pe kaise khada? Pujari: Dharti badi Sharabi Dharti badi toh Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi? Pujari: Sheshnaag bada Sharabi: Sheshnaag bada toh Shiv ke gale me kyon pada? Pujari: Shiv bada Sharabi: Shiv bada toh Parbat par kyon khada? Pujari: Parbat bada Sharabi: Parbat bada toh Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada? Pujari: Hanuman bada Sharabi: Hanuman bada toh Ram ki charno me kyon pada? Pujari: Ram bada Sharabi: Ram bada toh Ravan ke piche kyun pada? Pujari: Arey mere baap tu bata kaun bada? Sharabi Is duniya me woh bada jo puri bottle pee ke apni taango pe khada

Shaadi Ke baad Patni Kaise badalti hai Zara gaur kijiye Pehle Saal: Maine kaha ji khana kha lijiye aapne kaafi der se kuchh khaya nahin Dusre Saal: Ji khana taiyaar hai laga dun? Teesre Saal: Khana ban chuka hai jab khana ho tab bata dena Chauthe Saal: Khana banakar rakh diya hai main bazaar ja rahi hoon jhud hi nikal kar kha lena Paanchve Saal: Main kehti hoon aaj mujhse khana nahin banega hotel se le aao Chhathe Saal: Jab dekho khana khana aur khaana abhi subah hi to khaya tha Shaadi ke baad Pati kaise badalte hain Zara gaur kijiye Pehle Saal: Jaanu Sambhalkar udhar gadda hai Dusre Saal: Arey yaar dekh ke udhar Gadda hai Teesre Saal: Dikhta nahin udhar Gadda hai Chauthe Saal: Andhi hai kya Gadda nahin dikhta?? Paanchve Saal: Arey udhar kidhar marne jaa rahi hai Gadda to idhar hai

RESULT AGAR ACHCHA HO: Maa: Bhagwan ki kripa hai Papa: Beta Kiska Hai Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain RESULT AGAR BURA HO: Maa: Aag lage is college main Papa: Laad pyar ne bigaad diya Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain NAUKRI LAGNE PAR: Maa: Apni sehat ka khyal rakhna Papa: Khoob Mehnat se kaam karna Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain NAUKRI CHHOOTNE PAR: Maa: Naukri hi kharab thee Papa: Koi baat Nahin doosri mil jayegi Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hai BIRTHDAY PAR: Maa: Jug jug jiye mera beta Papa: Hamesha aage badhe Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hai SHAADI PAR: Maa: Sadaa Sukhi Raho Papa: Khush Raho Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hai LOVE MAIN FAIL HONE PAR: Maa: Beta Bhool ja usko Papa: Mard ban Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hai MORAL OF THE STORY: Duniya badal jaati hai par DOST kabhi bhie nahin badalte Cheers to all

Pappu: Saala Ye Sab Teacher Logo Ki Mili Bhagat Hoti Hai Ek Photo Ke 20 Rupaye lagte Hai Aur Hum Logo Se 50-50 Rupaye Liye Ja Rahe Hain Matlab Ek Bachche Se 30 Rupay Bachayenge Aur Akele Apni Class Mein 60 Bachche Hai Toh 60*30 Hote Hain 1800 Rupaye Khuli Loot Macha Rakhi Hai In Logon Ne Phir Hamare Paiso Se Ye Sab Staff Room Mein Baith Ke Maje Se Samose Khayenge Aur Hum Bachchon Ko Milega Babaji Ka Thullu Chal bhai Tappu Ghar Chalte Hai Kal Mummy Se 50 Rupaye Le Kar Aana Pappu to Mom: Mummy Kal School Mein Group Photo Shoot Hona Hai Teacher Ne 100 Rupaye Mangaye Hai Mom: Ek Photo 100 Rupaye??? Khuli Loot Macha Rakhi Hai In Logo Ne Phir Hamare Paiso Se Ye Sab Aish Karenge Ruk Pappu Beta Mein Tere Papa Se Maangti Hun Mom to Dad: Aji Sunte Ho Pappu Ke School Mein Group Photo Ke Liye 200 Rupauye Mangaye Hai

Hubby Ke Birthday Par Wife Ne Pucha: Kya Gift Chahiye Tumhe??? Hubby: Tum Mujhe Pyar Karo Izzat Karo Aur Mera Kehna Maano Bas Yahi kaafi hai Wife Kuch Der Soch Ke: Nahin Main Toh Gift Hi Dungi Ek Marwadi Ne Shadi Mein Damad Ko CHESS Board Gift Diya Damad: Yeh Kya ? Marwadi: Badi Tamanna Thi ki Beti Ko Shadi Mein HATHI GHODE UNTH NAUKAR-CHAKAR Dun Aaj Meri Iccha Puri Ho Gayi Why do most indian women request 4 the same husband in the next life??? Arre Itni Mehnat Se Trained Kiya Hai Waste Thodi Jaane Denge Wife: Aap Bangkok Jaate Ho Toh Mujhe Kyon Nahin LE Jaate??? Husband: Arrey Pagli Jab Restaurant Mein Jaate Hain Toh Tiffin Thode Na Le Ke Jaate Hain Pati: Tum Hamesha Mera - Mera Karti Ho Mera Beta Mera Ghar Meri Car Tumhe Hamara Kehna Chahiye Ab Almari Mein Kya Dhoond Rahi Ho ??? Wife: Hamara Petticoat

Doctor Raat Ko 3 Baje Toilet Jaane Ke Liye Utha Toh Usne Dekha Ki Toilet Puri Tarah Se Block Ho Gaya Hai Usne Apni Biwi Se Kaha: Mai Abhi Plumber Ko Bulata Hun Biwi Hairani Se: Tum Raat Ko 3 Baje Plumber Ko Bulaogey? Doctor: Haan Kyon Nahin? Hum Bhi Toh Jaate Hain Raat Mein Agar Koi Mareez Beemaar Ho Jaye Toh Usne plumber Ko Call Kiya Shikayat Ki Aur Usko Raaat Ko Hi Aane Ko Kaha Plumber Ne Mana Kiya Aur Kaha Vo Subah Aa Jayega Doctor Ne Pir Se Wahi Baat Kahi: Agar Mai Raat Mein Mareez Dekhne Jaa Sakta Hun Toh Tum Bhi Aa Sakte Ho Plumber Bechara Subah 3:30 Baje Aankhein Malta Hua Doctor Ke Ghar Pahuncha Usne Toilet Dekha Aur Baag Se Kuch Goliyaan Aur Powder Nikaal Ke Toilet Mein Daal Di Aur Phir Doctor Se Bola: Doctor Saab Is Se Theek Toh Ho Jaani Chahiye Agar Koi Pharak Na Pade Toh Subah Mujhe Phir Se Call Kar Lena

Doston se problem share karna achha hai Isliye nahi ki vo use solve ker dete hai but Saale aise-aise solutions dete hain ki hum problem hi bhool jaate hai Indian Friendship is not about: Sorry It s about: Saari Galati Teri Thi Indian Friendship is not about: THANKS It s about: Koi Ehsaan Nahi Kiya Mujhpe Indian Friendship is not about: I Miss You It s about: Kahan Mar Gaye Tha Itne Din? Indian Friendship is not about: I Understand It s about: Hamesha Main Hi Kyun Samjhoon ? Indian Friendship is not about: I m happy 4 your success It s about: Chal beta treat de? Indian Friendship is not about: Are you coming to see us tomorrow? It s about: Dramaybazi Band Kar Aur Chup Chaap Chal Mere Saath Indain Friendship is not about: Just reading this message It s about Sending it to all lovely friends whom you never want to lose

Santa Pehli Baar Train Mein Safar Kar Raha Tha Uski Nazar Ek Signboard Pe Padti Hai Jis Pe Warning Likhi Thi: Bina Ticket Safar Karne Wale Yaatri Hoshiyaar Santa: Waah ji Waah Aur Humne Ticket Li Toh Hum Bewakoof??? Santa: Insaan Ko Zindagi Mein Koi Bhi Problem Ho Toh Kiske Paas Jaana Chahiye? Banta: Kisaan Ke Paas Santa: Kyun? Banta: Kyunki Uske Paas HAL Hota Hai Santa Aur Jeeto Ek Shadi Jaate Hain Wahan DJ Par Gana Baj Raha Tha: Jisko Dance Nahin Karna Vo Jaa Ke Apni Bhains Charaye Sanat Jeeto Se Kehta Hai: Oye Jeeto Chal Yaar Khaana Khaate Hain School Ke Peechey Ke Talaab Mein Headmaster Ji Doob Rahe The Pappu Ne Vo Nazara Dekha Aur Bhagte Hue Chillane Laga: Kal Chhutti Hai Kal Chhutti Hai Santa went out to buy an Indian flag The shop owner gave him the flag Guess what did he ask next Bhaisaab Ismein Aur Colour Dikhaiye

Alia Bhatt: Hey dad what s the plan for weekend ? Mahesh Bhatt: Income Tax Returns Alia Bhatt: Hey first Part Kab Release Hua Tha? Mahesh Bhatt: Jaa Meri Maa Tu Shooting Pe Jaa Alia was Participating 100 metres Race Referee said: 1 2 3 GO Everybody started running except Alia Bhatt Referee: Why are you not running ? Alia Bhatt: My number is 4 SBI Bank: Humara Bank Aapko bina Interest Ke Loan De raha Hai Alia Bhatt: Agar Dene Mein Interest hi Nahi Hai Toh Kyun De Rahe Ho? Nahi Chahiye Alia Bhatt: Let s go for movie Varun: Shit I ve got a doctor s appointment today Alia Bhatt: Just cancel it tell him you re sick Alia reading newspaper News: Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump Alia comments: Idiot Who told him to wear gold medal while jumping Deepika Padukone: I have more Fans than You Alia Bhatt: Big deal I have AC at Home

Husband: Tumne Pada Akhbaar Mein Likha Hai Taaje Survey Se Pata Chala Hai Ki 25 Percent Auratein Maansik Bimari Ke Liye Medicines Leti Hain? Wife: Toh Ismein Khaas Kya Hai? Husband: Yeh Toh Bada Hi Darawani Type Ki News Hai Wife: Kyun? Husband: Iska Matlab Hua Ki 75 Percent Ladies Bina Medicines Liy Ghoom Rahi Hain Biwi Ne Namaaz Padhkar Dua Ke Liye Haath Uthaye Par Kuchh Nahin Manga Aur haath Neeche Kar Liye Shauhar Yeh Sab Dekh Raha Tha Toh Puchh Baitha: Yeh Kya? Dua Kyun Nahin Maangi? Biwi: Maangne Hi Lagi Thi Ki Allah Aapki Tamaam Mushkilein Khatam Kar De Phir Socha Kahin Mujhe Hi Kuchh Na Ho Jaaye Patni: Aaakhir Aurat Kya-Kya Sambhaale Tumko Sambhaale Tumhare Bachche Sambhaale Tumhare Maa - Baap Ko Fambhaale Yaa Phir Tumhara Ghar Sambhaale ??? Pati Sukun Se: Agar Aurat Sirf Apni ZABAAN Sambhaal Le Toh Baaki Sab Apne-Aap Sambhal Jaayega

CRICKET: Gol guttam lakad battam de danadan pratiyogita CRICKET TEST MATCH: Pakad dandu maar mandu de danaadan pratiyogita TABLE TENNIS: Lakdi ke phalak shetra pe le takaatak de takaatak LAWN TENNIS: Harit Ghaas par le tada tad de tada tad LIGHT BULB: Vidyut Prakashak Kanch golak TIE: Kanth Langoti MATCH BOX: Ragdampatti Agni Utpaadan Peti TRAFFIC SIGNAL: Aavat Jaavat Suchak Jhandaa TEA: Dugdh Jal Mishrit Sharkara Yukt Parvatiya(pahaadi) Booti TRAIN: Sahasra Chakra Louh Path Gaamini ALL ROUTE PASS: Yatr Tatr Sarvatr Gaman Aagya Patr RAILWAY SIGNAL: Loh Path Gamini Suchak Yantra RAILWAY SIGNAL: Agni Rath Aava Gaman Soochak Pattika RAILWAY SIGNAL: Louh path gaamini aawagaman suchak yantra RAILWAY STATION: Bhabhka Adda BUTTON: Ast Vyast Vastra Niyantrak MOSQUITO: Gunjanhaari Manav Rakt Pipasu Jeev CIGARETTE: Shweta patra mandit dhumra shalakha

Some interesting facts about Indians 1 Jab shampoo ki bottle khatam ho jaaye to usme paani daalo ek baar aur use karlo 2 Toothpaste ko tab tak use karo jab taq usko pura nichod naa loo 3 Ghar me showcase me China Crockery ko sirf aur sirf Guests ke liye use karo 4 Gold kharidna ek gram bhi nai par Gold ke rates ki bahut chinta hai apne ko 5 TV ke remote ko zor zor se dabayenge usse thokenge par usme nayi batteries nai daalenge 6 Kisi ne dinner party me invite kiya ho to uss din din bhar kuch nai khaayenge taki wahan party mein jee bhar k daba sake 7 Jab T-Shirt purani ho jaaye to usse night dress bana lo jab aur jaada purani ho jaaye to use Holi me use karo Aur fir usska Pocha bana lo 8 Dominos waale se extra ketchup oregano paparika maango taki baad me ghar me use kar sakein 9 Pani puri khaane k baad payment karne ke baad free Sukha Puri apna Haq hai