When lawyers die why are they buried in holes 20 feet deep? Because deep down they re all nice guys

Lawyer: What did your husband do before you divorced him? Woman: A lot of things I didn t know about

What s the problem with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don t think they re funny and no one else thinks they re jokes

Woman: My husband has flat feet Is that grounds for divorce? Lawyer: Not unless his feet visit the wrong flat

Q: What s wrong with Lawyer Jokes ? A: Lawyers don t think they re funny; and nobody else thinks they re jokes

A lawyer wrote in his will Give all my estate to fools and madmen From such I had it and to such I give it again

What s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? A boxing referee doesn t get paid more for a longer fight

What is a contingent fee? If the lawyer doesn t win your suit he gets nothing; And if the lawyer does win it you get nothing

Lawyer: You want a divorce because your husband is careless about his appearance? Woman: Yes he hasn t showed up in 18 months

Lawyer: Your honour please grant me anticipatory bail Judge: What have you done? Lawyer: Your Honour I have hired a new secretary

And God said Let there be Satan so people don t blame everything on me And let there be lawyers so people don t blame everything on Satan

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors Bad News: There were three empty seats

Santa went to his lawyer after beating his wife Lawyer: You ll be charged for cruelty? Santa: All right but how much will they charge me?

Overheard while sitting in a court after a girl passed by Advocate 1: She has a Supreme Court figure Advocate 2: What do you mean? Advocate 1: No Appeal

You ve been convicted 5 times of this offence - aren t you ashamed to own to that? No your honour I don t think one ought to be ashamed of his convictions