My simple attitude: I m not single and I m not committed I m simply on reserve for the one who deserves

When my bank balance depresses me I look at my email spam folder to check the million dollars I have won

God laughs at 2 occasions: When someone says I ll make your life; And when someone says I ll destroy you

I think women spend more time thinking about what men are thinking than men actually spend time thinking

I wonder if auto-correct and spell-check get together behind our backs and talk about what idiots we are

Mom: You spend too much time on the computer it s like you re addicted Child: Fine can I go out? Mom: No

Philosophy: The questions that may never be answered Religion: The answers that must never be questioned

When buying gifts for women the most important thing to remember is the receipt so that she can change it

Attitude Reloaded: If you want to say bad things about me - behind my back come to me I ll tell you more

A Muslim sneezed so hard in a restaurant today that people almost died but situation is under control now

Why do women live longer than Men? Because shopping never causes heart attacks; But paying the bills does

My hand never pains when typing message for you; But my heart always pain when there is no reply from you

Money may the worst invention to spoil the humans; But it s the most trusted material to test human nature

Sometimes from time to time now and again occasionally at times I wish I d never been given this Thesaurus

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble putting make-up on two faces