If we had our way most of us would choose the front of the bus the back of the church and the center of attention

I m perfect in my imperfections happy in my pain strong in my weaknesses and beautiful in my own way cause I m me

It used to be that only death and taxes were inevitable Now of course there s shipping handling and insurance too

I m grateful for my crazy psycho insane and just totally messed up friends Normal people scare the crap out of me

Your Ex asking you if they still be friends after the break-up is like an abductor telling you to keep in touch

Women are like alcohol - it s your choice if you let them give you a pleasant high or let them ruin you completely

Three horrible facts: 1 Today is not Friday 2 Tomorrow is not Friday 3 Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday

The fact that there s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers

Dear Facebook friends Please do not post your vacation pictures This shall help in reducing drama in my household

I am feeling WEEK: Hate Monday Annoy Tuesday Ignore Wednesday Smile Thursday Enjoy Friday Love Saturday Damn Sunday

Second chances have never been a problem with me I tend to give about 7 or 8 before I realise - I m a f**king idiot

Friend 1: I am Hungary Friend 2: Maybe you should Czech the fridge Friend 1: Good idea I m Russian to the kitchen

As I have grown older I ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake

Regular marriage Gay marriage are like bikini tops and bras Exactly the same thing yet only one is allowed in public

Generation Gap: The lady who remembers her first kiss now has a daughter who won t even remember her first boyfriend